#135 – Your New Habits are More Important than New Year’s Goals!

#135 – Your New Habits are More Important than New Year’s Goals!

One of My Teen Clients Inspired This Episode

I recently had a call with a teenage young man and he wanted help breaking old, bad, habits.

I’m restructuring how I do my 1:1 coaching calls to be less scripted and more conversational, so we basically just had this super powerful conversation about habits.

I really loved the insight that he brought to the coaching call, so I’m going to share what I remember with you and invite you to come join a transformational conversation with me to help you change how you approach habits in your life.

I’m super excited for this conversation because during this time of year, most people over focus on goals, which they usually forget about and fail, and they under focus on habits, which is what they really need to accomplish their New Year’s Goals.

I’m going to invite YOU to join me in a transformational conversation about goals in the future. I’ll tell you more at the end of this podcast,

What Makes Breaking Habits Hard for You?

This is a powerful question to explore for yourself.

Seriously, I invite you to ask yourself, literally say this to yourself out loud, “What makes breaking habits hard for me?”

Let you’re mind explore that.

Gain some serious awareness around that.

When I asked this young man that question he told me 3 things.

  1. How long I’ve been doing the habit.
    • Basically how many times the habit has been repeated.
    • Repetion is a powerful force when it comes to creating habits.
  2. Your will power.
    • Basically your desire and determination.
  3. Having too many steps needed to break the habit.
    • Basically making your new habit too complicated.

I loved those examples that he shared.

Here are the two that I added that we discussed:

  1. Identifying as your habit.
    • Basically seeing yourself as your habit (for example, “I’m a yeller,” or “I’m a smoker,” or “I’m lazy.”)
  2. The perceived benefit of the habit.
    • Drinking Diet Dr. Pepper tastes great. You get a dopamine hit.
    • Yelling at your kids used to get them to listen, respond, change.

As we talked about this he said it was helpful to understand why it can be hard to break habits.

What makes your habits hard to break could be different for you, so make sure to explore this for yourself.

Also, I don’t recommend focusing on breaking bad habits. Instead, I recommend building desired habits.

What Makes Breaking Habits Hard is The Secret To Creating Habits Easily

Now, I want to let you in on a little secret. Whatever it is that makes habits hard for you is the secret for making habits easy for you.

For example, if the amount of times that you’ve repeated a habit makes it harder to break, doing the new desired habit over and over, getting reps in, is the secret to creating a new habit to replace the old one.

You can go through your own list and find ways to apply the list of things making your habits hard to ways that you can make creating new habits easy.

Your Habits Create Your Results

One of the problems that I have with traditional coaching is that they are overly focused on individual actions.

I love the self-coaching model. It’s a powerful tool. But, it’s only focused on individual actions, not habits.

Your habits create your results.

If you want better results, you need better habits.

Learn how to intentionally create your desired habits, and you can learn how to intentionally create the life of your dreams.

Join Me for a Transformational Conversation

I’m going to be hosting two live Transformational Conversations, and I want YOU to join me.

If you have some New Year’s goals, and their mostly on repeat from last year, you need to better understand your habits and what it takes to create new habits.

Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.

Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and belief to a deeper level.

Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and lets create some new and powerful habits in your parenting in 2023.

These transformational conversations will be live over zoom, face to face, on Thursday, January 12th at 10 am MST and Tuesday, January 24th, at 10 am MST.

Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.

#134 – Let Your Teen Manage Their Own Model

#134 – Let Your Teen Manage Their Own Model

The Self-Coaching Model

I teach a tool called The Model. I learned it from my coach Brooke Castillo.

The model is the concept that there are Circumstances in life that lead to Thoughts, which create Feelings, which drive our Actions, which create our Results.

Lots of coaches refer to it as the CTFAR model.

The self-coaching model is a powerful tool.

It’s not the only tool, but it is one that I teach all the time.

Your Model vs Your Teen’s Model

The Self-Coaching Model is at play in your life, your teen’s life, and everyone’s life.

Your model can even have the same circumstance as your teen’s model.

In fact, I’ve seen teens simply adopt their parent’s models, and have identical models.

So here’s the most important thing to understand when it comes to the difference between your model and your teen’s model.

You can only control your own model.

You CAN NOT control your teen’s model.

You are not responsible for how your teen thinks, feels, behaves, or the results that they create in their life.

You are only responsible for your own model.

So, stop trying to manage your teen’s model and let them do that for themselves.

“I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Recently I spoke to a high school swim team.

One of the things the girls told me was, “I’m constantly anxious because I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Can you see how these teens were focused on someone else’s model?

Of course they’re feeling anxious. They are focused on something outside of their control.

Over Christmas, one of the things that I heard mothers tell me in their coaching sessions was, “I don’t want my kids to be disappointed with Christmas.”

Again, they’re feeling anxious because they are focused on something outside of their control., their teen’s model.

The problem is that our teens are learning to try to manage others’ models for them because they see us doing that as parents when we try to manage their models.

Let’s stop that!

Trust Your Teen

Your teen is more than capable of managing their own model.

You might ask, “what if they won’t manage it?”

That’s okay. They are perfectly capable of owning their model.

They are perfectly capable of owning the consequences of ignoring their model too.

Show your teen that you trust them.

Show them that they have the power to manage how they think and feel.

Show them that you trust them and give them the autonomy to manage their model for themselves.

Manage Your Own Model

You can’t manage your teen’s model for them, but you can be a powerful example to them of managing your own model.

In fact, in my experience, when parents manage their own models, things change in their homes.

Often, simply managing your own model is enough to help your teen start managing their own.

Human beings are herd animals, including your teen.

If you lead by example, they are likely to follow.

Create the Tradition of Parenting Growth in 2023!

Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.

I’m re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it’s AMAZING!

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.

If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now’s the time.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.

Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

What’s the Best Gift You Give Your Teen?

This time of year, parents around the world are wondering what to give their teens.

They want the perfect gift. One that their teen will like and actually use.

Parents are looking for that gift that’s stylish enough that their teen will like it, but timeless enough that it will last.

The truth is, the perfect gift for your teen has more to do with you that you probably realize.

So, here is a list of the top 5 things that I think are awesome gifts for any teen.

My Top 5 Gifts for Teens List:

#1 Belief and Trust In Your Teen

One of the most powerful gifts that you can give your teen is belief in your teen.

Think about it, don’t you love it when people believe in you?

This can look like believing in their potential, in their goodness, in their value, in their dreams and hopes, anything.

One of the things that I’ve heard a lot from parents lately is that they want to trust their teen, but they don’t trust them.

Give your teen the gift of trust.

Yes, they might lie to you, but trust that they are doing their best. Trust that they will be okay.

Yes, in the moment, it doesn’t seam like they will be okay, but I promise, they will be okay.

Your teen wants to belief in themselves.

Show them how by being the example of believing in your teen.

#2 Acceptance and Belonging

One of the most fundamental human needs is the need to belong.

One of the things that makes people feel like they don’t belong is when people try to change them.

I get it, you’re teen might be making some really poor decisions right now, but find a ways to show them that they belong.

Find ways to show them that you accept them as they are.

This is a powerful gift that you can give your teen any time of the year.

#3 Your Own Self-Work and Growth

I know, this is something that I talk about all the time, but it’s still true so I’m going to keep talking about it.

Give your teen the gift of YOUR own self work.

You are a circumstance in your teens model.

There are things that you do everyday that impact your teen.

If you’re like me, there are things that you do as a parent that you want to do better.

Give your teen that gift, of doing the best that you can by working on yourself and growing.

One of the things that I hear all the time from the people that I work with, and their teens, “working with you has changed everything in our family.”

Or, “I don’t know what you guys do on your coaching calls, but keep doing it because it’s working.”

These are things that I hear from spouses and teens.

Your own personal growth will have a bigger impact on your teen that you will ever fully know.

#4 Values Based Connection

We talked about this last week, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time on it, but build values based connections with your teen.

If you want to know more about that, go listen to last week’s podcast.

#5 Their Own Personal Coach

I know, I know.

I’m a coach, of course I’m going to suggest getting your teen a coach.

I am, and yes, I’m biased, but. . .

I’ve seen coaching change lives.

It has changed my life.

I’ve seen it work in countless teen’s lives.

I know the power that coaching can have in a teen’s life.

I have had teens tell me things like, “You’re my favorite person to talk to,” or “What we talk about helps me feel less anxious at school.”

If you feel like you’ve tried everything with your teen, I would recommend to try two more things.

First, get your own coach.

And second, get your teen their own coach.

Become The Parent of Your Dreams in 2023!

Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.

I’m re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it’s AMAZING!

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.

If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now’s the time.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.

Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#084 Daily Habits for Parenting Success

Each day practice being the parent of your dreams.

My Top Ten Daily Habits for Parenting Success

  1. Set Your Intention Each Day
    • Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.
    • First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention.
    • Here’s some examples from my life.
      • Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love.
      • Today I will develop awareness around my emotions.
      • Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged with my children.
      • Today I will learn a new way to connect with my 15 year old son.
  2. Commit to Connection Daily
    • Be 100% committed to connect to your teen.
    • Choose to love your teen.
    • Show them that you love them.
    • Show them that you are confident that they will be okay.
    • Let them know that you trust that EVERYTHING will be okay.
    • Connect with them right where they are.
    • Stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren’t mad and that you love and care about them.
  3. Embrace the Moment
    • Far too often we are guilty of not being present.
    • Don’t try to avoid the moment.
    • Don’t try to fix, change, or improve it.
    • BE IN THE MOMENT.
    • Be in the moment WITH your teen!
  4. Manage Your Mind
    • I like to use the Self-Coaching Model
    • I also like to use the Be, Do, Have Model.
    • I am starting to get into journaling and writing.
    • Sharing what I’ve learned with others.
  5. Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
    • This one is HUGE for me this year.
    • Trust will change everything.
    • You are exactly what your teen need, they are exactly what you need and want, and the process you two are experiencing is exactly what you need.
  6. Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
    • This is hard, but so powerful.
    • When you hold onto things outside of your control, you lose power and energy.
    • When you let go, you have more power and energy to put towards things within your control.
    • Let go of your teen’s model and manage your own!
  7. Practice, Practice, Practice
    • One of my favorite lessons, and one I came up with myself, is the “Wheel of Time.”
    • When you’re on the top of the wheel, practice and prepare for when you are on the bottom.
    • When you’re on the bottom of the wheel, just keep going and do your best to do what you practiced at the top of the wheel.
    • Life is all about practice and improvement.
    • It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect.
  8. Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
    • One of the things that divides parents and teens is when one or both of them are committed to being “Right!”
    • Be willing to be wrong.
    • Let your teen be “Right!”
    • Be willing to make mistakes.
    • Be the example of what to do when you make mistakes.
  9. Be The Change You Want to See
    • This is one of my favorite saying and teachings.
    • If you want your teen to be something else, YOU Be that change!
    • If you want your teen to be more confident, YOU Be more confident in both your teen and yourself.
  10. Play to Your Strengths
    • Last but not least, play to your strengths.
    • Yes, you have weaknesses, and if you’re listening to this podcast you probably want to address your weaknesses, but trust your strengths.
    • God gave you strengths that are unique to you.
    • Trust them and use them!

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!