#084 Daily Habits for Parenting Success

Each day practice being the parent of your dreams.

My Top Ten Daily Habits for Parenting Success

  1. Set Your Intention Each Day
    • Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.
    • First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention.
    • Here’s some examples from my life.
      • Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love.
      • Today I will develop awareness around my emotions.
      • Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged with my children.
      • Today I will learn a new way to connect with my 15 year old son.
  2. Commit to Connection Daily
    • Be 100% committed to connect to your teen.
    • Choose to love your teen.
    • Show them that you love them.
    • Show them that you are confident that they will be okay.
    • Let them know that you trust that EVERYTHING will be okay.
    • Connect with them right where they are.
    • Stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren’t mad and that you love and care about them.
  3. Embrace the Moment
    • Far too often we are guilty of not being present.
    • Don’t try to avoid the moment.
    • Don’t try to fix, change, or improve it.
    • BE IN THE MOMENT.
    • Be in the moment WITH your teen!
  4. Manage Your Mind
    • I like to use the Self-Coaching Model
    • I also like to use the Be, Do, Have Model.
    • I am starting to get into journaling and writing.
    • Sharing what I’ve learned with others.
  5. Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
    • This one is HUGE for me this year.
    • Trust will change everything.
    • You are exactly what your teen need, they are exactly what you need and want, and the process you two are experiencing is exactly what you need.
  6. Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
    • This is hard, but so powerful.
    • When you hold onto things outside of your control, you lose power and energy.
    • When you let go, you have more power and energy to put towards things within your control.
    • Let go of your teen’s model and manage your own!
  7. Practice, Practice, Practice
    • One of my favorite lessons, and one I came up with myself, is the “Wheel of Time.”
    • When you’re on the top of the wheel, practice and prepare for when you are on the bottom.
    • When you’re on the bottom of the wheel, just keep going and do your best to do what you practiced at the top of the wheel.
    • Life is all about practice and improvement.
    • It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect.
  8. Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
    • One of the things that divides parents and teens is when one or both of them are committed to being “Right!”
    • Be willing to be wrong.
    • Let your teen be “Right!”
    • Be willing to make mistakes.
    • Be the example of what to do when you make mistakes.
  9. Be The Change You Want to See
    • This is one of my favorite saying and teachings.
    • If you want your teen to be something else, YOU Be that change!
    • If you want your teen to be more confident, YOU Be more confident in both your teen and yourself.
  10. Play to Your Strengths
    • Last but not least, play to your strengths.
    • Yes, you have weaknesses, and if you’re listening to this podcast you probably want to address your weaknesses, but trust your strengths.
    • God gave you strengths that are unique to you.
    • Trust them and use them!

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#053 How this teen developed super-confidence through self-coaching!

#053 How this teen developed super-confidence through self-coaching!

If you’re reading this post, you’re going to want to go listen because my notes don’t even do the podcast episode justice.

“Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you’re feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.”
~ Abdallah

Abdallah Was Committed Because He Invested in Himself

Abdallah’s mom invited Abdallah to invest in himself and his future.

It’s painful to part with $500, but he trusted that it would be worth it.

Teens get more value from coaching when they are fully committed and have invested in themselves.

This motivated Abdallah to do the work and go ALL IN!

Weekly Assignments and Why They Work

The work is easy, but it impacts your life.

It’s one thing to put pen to paper, but when you internalize it and start to own it, that’s when change starts to happen.

It’s not enough to do the assignments on a superficial level. It’s important to dig deep and get vulnerable and uncomfortable to start seeing change.

When you give it time to sink in, think about it, and meditate on it, the more powerful they become.

Growth and Evidence of Growth What is Emotional Health

Becoming more vulnerable. Having real vulnerable conversations. To have real vulnerable conversations, that I can hardly talk to someone in person about that. I don’t think I could have done those kind of conversations. It was still difficult. Understanding that you can be vulnerable with yourself. You don’t have to be vulnerable with everyone you meet. You create an environment where it is acceptable to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable is how to stop self-deception.

We try to pretend that we are tough and not feeling negative emotions, but vulnerability is more powerful.

Increased emotional health.

After coaching, you know you can experience every and ALL emotions. Not only can you experience the emotions, but you can also identify and process the emotions.

Most Powerful Coaching Session

I was taught to not share emotions or get vulnerable. Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you’re feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.

Abdallah was avoiding emotions in our coaching sessions. This was just a small sample of what was going on in his life. In wrestling, Abdallah was avoiding experiencing the doubt, fear, and shame that he thought would come with losing.

When we peeled back the emotions, and experienced them, Abdallah realized that the emotions weren’t so bad.

We created a mental and emotional game plan for Abdallah’s wrestling match. The mental and emotional game plan, coupled with the physical game plan set up Abdallah for success in the tournament.

Once you’ve experienced the pain, there’s no reason to shield yourself from the pain. You can just let lose and go all in.

Stop over coaching yourself and just trust yourself.

There was never anything wrong with you. I didn’t fix you. I gave you some tools and helped you use them.

The most powerful thing of the coaching sessions, yes it took some guidance, but EVERYTHING I needed, I already had within me.

Call to ACTION!

How would your life be better if you got coaching for yourself?

How would your life be different if your teen learned the tools of self-coaching?

You have the power to create real change in your life and the life of your teen.

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#053 How this teen developed super-confidence through self-coaching!

#007 Model, The Model

Failure and Success Go Hand In Hand

““Well, it’s all a matter of perspective.”
~James Bond

The Self-Coaching Model is the powerful tool I’ve found.

About 7 years ago I felt lost and overwhelmed in my life. I was a dad of 3 young children, a foster parents of 3-4 additional teens, and I was transitioning into a tough new job as the principal of a failing alternative school on the Ute Indian Reservation.

I wasn’t sure if I could handle all of the stress. I wasn’t sure if I could be successful as a husband, dad, foster dad, and high school principal.

I felt like I was losing control and that I was failing in every area of my life.

UNTIL . . .

. . . I found and applied the Self-Coaching Model.

The Self-Coaching Model puts YOU in control.

The most empowering thing about the model is that it gives you control. It helps you identify the things that are within your control and then helps you focus on those.

The model helps you realize how many things you can control, and how all of them are connected you YOU!

Too many of us, as parents, focus on things that are completely outside of our control. We focus on our teens and whether or not they obey, how they are thinking, how they are acting, and what others are thinking of us.

The model will help you bring your focus inward. It will help you be more results driven and future focused, rather than getting stuck in the past.

5 Components of the Self-Coaching Model

  1. Circumstances
    • Circumstances are ALWAYS neutral.
    • These are the things that happen in our lives.
    • Everyday events.
    • Things people say.
    • They are out of our control.
  2. Thoughts
    • Our thoughts are how we mentally interpret our circumstances.
    • We have roughly 60,000 thoughts each day.
    • Thoughts are both conscious and subconscious.
    • They become habitual
  3. Feelings
    • The emotions that we feel
    • Usually one word. 
      • If it’s a sentence it’s a thought.
    • No such thing as a bad emotion
    • It’s okay to experience ALL emotions
    • We can create emotions within our own bodies with our thoughts. 
  4. Actions
    • Action, or inaction
    • Often times our actions are habitual
    • When I feel stressed I often do the following actions:
      • Snap at my kids kids
      • Eat junk food
  5. Results
    • Our actions create our results. 
    • The eating of junk food gives me the result of being overweight. 
    • Yelling at my kids gives me the result that I don’t have the relationship that I am working for.

Where to start.

Don’t expect to be an expert with the model right off the bat. I have been using this for years, and I am still practicing and improving at using the model in my own life.

The best place to start is to start becoming aware of the emotions that is most prominent in your life from day to day. As you increase awareness of this emotion or feeling, you can explore and become more aware of the thoughts that are creating this emotion.

Increasing awareness is a great place to start.

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