#087 Bring Balance To Your Relationship!
Most parents want a better relationship with their teens. The problem is, most parents think their teen needs to create that connection.
Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them!
If you’re like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen.
In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens.
The problem is, . . .
. . . If you’re like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . .
. . . BUT, your teen wants YOU to connect with them!
And, what ends up happening looks a lot like this.
You try to get your teen to change, (get better grades, be more honest, be happier, be more obedient, be less anxious) so you guys can have a better relationship, and your teen tries to get you to change (be less controlling, change your values and opinions, and leave them alone) so you guys can have a better relationship.
This looks slightly different in every home, but this often leads to arguing, fighting, yelling, avoiding each other, and/or throwing your hands up and giving up.
It’s human nature to focus on the other person. That’s part of being herd animals. So, as a result, you focus on your teen and they focus on you. You want them to connect, and they want you to connect.
The secret is this . . .
You can’t change your teen . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . YOU can BE The Change!
YOU can connect with them, right where they are.
This is the BEST news ever!
Restore The Balance (Or Even Tip the Scales In Your Favor)
Over the years that I’ve been coaching parents and teens, I’ve noticed that there’s a balance that is at play with our relationships.
There are things that will connect you with your teens and there are things that will disconnect you from your teens.
Here are a few things that will disconnect you from your teen:
- Trying to control them
- Feeling fear, doubt, and worry
- Catastrophizing (looking for the worst possible . . . )
- Focusing on your differences
- Disaproving of their differences
- Trying to change or fix them
Here are a few things that will connect you to your teen:
- Trust them
- Learn from them
- Teach them
- Feel confidence, hope, and love
- Optimizing (looking for all the best possible . . . )
- Focusing on your similarities
- Value their differences
- Accepting them
- Appreciating them
The problem is, if you’re struggling to connect with your teen, it’s likely because the balance is tipped in favor of disconnection.
You have the power to bring balance back to your relationship.
In fact, you have the power to completely tip the scales in your favor.
You don’t have to be perfect. There will be times when you don’t trust your teen. There might even be times when you don’t like your teen, but you always have the power to balance the scales.
Connect Just To Connect
One of the biggest things that holds parents back in my coaching is when their focus is on their teen changing rather than BEing the change themselves.
Sometimes this sneaks in when parents want to BE the change, . . . so their teen will change.
This does two things. #1 It shifts your focus to something outside of your control (your teen changing), and #2 it shifts your focus from BEing the change to DOing change.
Now, rather than working from the Be, Do, Have model, you are working from the Do, Have, Be model.
I want to invite you to commit to connecting with your teen just for the sake of connecting with them.
It’s not your job to change them. You can’t change them. But, you CAN BE the change yourself!
Call to ACTION!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
Come join an amazing community of parents in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!