When we blame we become the victim.
“Blame doesn’t empower you. It keeps you stuck in a place you don’t want to be because you don’t want to make the temporary, but painful decision, to be responsible for the outcome of your own life’s happiness.”
~ Shannon L. Alder
100% Responsibility = Power
We live in a world that often refuses to be responsible and to take responsibility.
As a result, it’s common to blame others.
Lately, in my own life, I’ve been extra aware of the blaming that takes place around me, especially when I’m guilty of doing the blaming.
I’ve noticed two things over and over, . . .
#1 Blaming positions you as the victim, every time!
#2 Taking 100% responsibility empowers you, EVERY TIME!
What is 100% Responsibility?
First of all, I want to be 100% clear, taking responsibility is not blaming yourself for everything. It’s not taking the fall for everyone else.
100% Responsibility is taking responsibility for your reality and your part in creating it.
BEing responsible means accepting that you are the one creating your results and your reality.
It means that no one is coming to save you or to fix your problems but you.
It is all up to you, and that’s the best news ever!
Blaming puts your focus on things outside of your control, making you the victim.
Taking 100% responsibility puts your focus on things within your control, making you in control.
That is empowering!
When you are 100% responsible, you have the power to be the change that you are looking for.
Blaming Turns You Into the Victim.
Like I said earlier, when you blame others, you shift your focus to things outside of your control. This turns you into a victim. Now, in your mind, you are at the mercy of the person or thing that you are blaming. Rather than having the power to change your circumstances, you depend on others to change.
I see this a lot with parents who are struggling with their teens. Rather than being 100% responsible, they are willing to be 90% responsible, but they still want to blame their teen for things.
“I know I’m not perfect, and I’m doing my best, but my teen . . . “
What if, there is no blame, no fault, and no reason for blame or fault.
That completely frees you up to focus on what you can control.
So Now What?
#1 Increase your awareness around responsibility and blaming.
If you’re like most parents, you blame others and make excuses without even thinking about it. It has become a habit and part of who you are. The first step is to become aware of when you are blaming or making excuses. By doing this, you can also gain some awareness of the emotions that you are trying to avoid by blaming.
For me, it is almost always, if not always, shame that I try to avoid. By blaming others, I try to shift the burden of shame to them.
#2 Identify what you can control and take responsibility for that.
When you blame, you try to shift your focus from something within your control to something outside of your control.
I invite you to get curious and find what is within your control and take responsibility for that. Doesn’t matter how good or true the excuse is, or how real the blame is, take responsibility for what you CAN control. This puts you in a position of power.
#3 Shift Your Mindset
Most people think of things happening TO them.
This way of thinking positions you as the victim. You are at the mercy of the things happing TO you.
Shift your mindset to think of things happening FOR you.
Now, everything is happening for your good. You have the power to benefit from every circumstance.
Explore how things are happening THROUGH you.
Now, you are the creator of the things that happen around you. You will start to see ways that you are responsible for your reality. This will empower you to control the few things that you are actually responsible for.
#4 Practice, practice, practice
If you’re like most people, this is going to be a shift for you, and it will take time and practice.
Practice awareness. Much of this will take place in the thought line of the model. Some will take place in the feeling line.
Practice experiencing the emotion that you are trying to avoid. This will take place in the feeling line.
Practice the habit of taking responsibility.
Call to ACTION!
I’m getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact Parenting Program. And I want you to help me make it the best program ever.
If you are interested in getting in at founding member pricing (a huge discount), and helping me build something that will benefit parents of teens just like you, click the link below to get on the waitlist and I’ll notify you when I’m ready to launch.