I believe that I am the perfect dad for my kids. This belief gives me hope, confidence, and incredible self love!
What If You Were The Perfect Parent?
I asked this the other day in one of my Impact Parenting Group calls. This idea of “perfect” parenting kind of shook the zoom room.
There’s so much shame around the word “perfect”.
Most parents just believe that they aren’t perfect and that they aren’t good enough.
If you’re like most parents, you believe this too, and it leads to shame, worry, and fear.
BUT, . . .
. . . What if YOU were the perfect parent?
What would that change in your life?
What would that change in your parenting?
What would it change about you?
If you’re like most parents, you have never even considered the possibility that YOU ARE the perfect parent. Yet, if you’re like most parents, you’ve probably considered that you might be the “worst” parent ever.
I want you to consider this instead . . .
“What if I AM the perfect parent for my teen?”
What is YOUR Definition of Perfect?
The problem is, if you’re like most people, your definition of “perfect” is what the world has told you is the definition of “perfect”.
The world will tell you that “perfect” means doing everything “right” and/or making no mistakes.
But what if I told you that this is not what makes you a perfect parent.
The truth is, your teen is not perfect, and you are not perfect, and this is what makes you perfect for each other.
My definition of perfect is more like being a “good fit” or being “exactly what is needed” or “doing your best.”
YOU get to define what “perfect” means for YOU in your role as a parent.
For me, being the perfect dad means that I am willing to love my teen no matter what. It means that I am doing my best. It means that I am an example of making mistakes and making the most of it. It means that I am exactly what my teenager needs.
What If You Believed You Were The Perfect Parent?
I want you to really ask yourself this, “What if I believed that I was the perfect parent?”
What would that change for you?
If you’re like most of my clients, IF you believed that you were the perfect parent, . . .
You would have more compassion for yourself,
You would have more confidence,
You would trust yourself, and
You would be happier!
What if YOU believed that you were a perfect parent? What would change for you?
For me, I started trusting myself. I started having my own back. I started believing that not only is my best good enough, but it is exactly what is needed.
Believing that I am a perfect dad has helped me parent with confidence. It has helped me be happier in my relationships with my kid.
It has completely changed how I see myself. My brain is now looking for evidence that I AM the perfect parent.
You Are The Perfect Parent!
You are the perfect parent!
Being the perfect parent doesn’t mean that you never make mistakes.
Being the perfect parent means that you trust
Call to ACTION!
#1 Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
BEing the parent of your dreams means being responsible for your own personal growth rather than being responsible for your teen’s personal growth.
“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.” ~ Doris Lessing
How To Make Parenting Simple!
#1 Define Your Role!
One of the things that makes parenting harder that it needs to be is Not knowing your role!
If you don’t know what your role, or purpose, is as a parent, everything feels like a battle.
When you don’t define your parenting role, you get tossed from one roll to the other.
It’s hard to be intentional when you don’t know what your role is.
#2 Only Focus on What YOU Can Control.
One of, if not THE, most powerful things you can do as a parent is to shift your focus from what you cannot control to what you CAN control.
One of the things that makes parenting hard is trying to control things outside of your control. When we focus on things outside of our control, we waste a lot of effort on something that is outside of our control. It’s exhausting because nothing changes.
Things you might be focusing on that are OUTSIDE of your control:
Your teen’s behavior,
Their grades,
Their decisions,
Their thoughts and feelings,
Their results/consequences.
Things you could focus on that are WITHIN your control:
How you think,
How you feel,
How you act,
Your ways of BEing.
Parenting is much more simple when you only have to worry about what you can actually control.
#3 Make Your Personal Growth the Priority Rather than Your Teen’s Personal Growth.
Most parents focus on the growth, or more accurately their perceived lack of growth, with their teen. If you’re like most parents, you’ve done this too, and you’ve been frustrated or disappointed with the growth.
Instead, focus on your own personal growth. Make that your priority.
You can’t change, fix, or control your teen, BUT . . .
. . . When you make your own personal growth a priority, you will have a more intentional and positive impact on your teen.
When we focus on others’ personal growth, or lack there of, we cannot focus on our own personal growth.
We cannot focus on two things at once.
Make your own personal growth a priority.
BONUS #1 Choose Love!
It sounds overly simple, but what if it really is just this simple? CHOOSE LOVE!
What if loving your teen was your ONLY job? Wouldn’t that make your job easier?
Love is always an option when it comes to you and your teen.
Love is a simple choice with no down side.
BONUS #2 Trust Yourself 100%
The other day I was on a group coaching call in the Impact Parenting Program, and I was talking about BEing a “perfect” parent.
Someone told me that they would never use the example of a perfect parent because there is so much shame around whether or not you are perfect.
I get it, “mom guilt” and “dad shame” are a thing, but THEY ARE OPTIONAL!
What if you believed that you were the PERFECT parent? How would you feel? How would you act? How would you BE?
This might sound boastful, BUT . . .
. . . I believe that I am the PERFECT dad for my family.
I know tons of people who would disagree. They might say, “Ben SUCKS! He’s the worst dad I’ve ever seen.”
BUT, when I trust that I am the perfect dad for my family, if feel confident, and I have my own back. I show up and do my very best. I trust that my best is good enough and exactly what is needed in the moment.
Others might see me at my best and think, “That’s the opposite of perfect parenting.”
It doesn’t matter what they think.
I am still doing my best.
I can take any parenting situation and turn it into the best situation possible.
Sometimes that looks like me apologizing for parenting unintentionally or out of alignment with my values.
Even when I make “mistakes,” that is the perfect opportunity for me to be an example of someone who is doing their very best. It’s an opportunity for me to apologize. It’s an opportunity for me to learn and grow!
This is why I’m the perfect dad.
And when I believe this, I have my back and I show up with full confidence, which is way easier than always doubting and second guessing myself, and worrying that I’m not good enough.
Parenting on the same page may not mean what you think it means.
“The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.” ~ Phil Jackson
What Does It Even Mean to “Parent On the Same Page”?
To answer this I have to be honest, I am not even sure what this means. I’ve had parents tell me that parenting on the same page means that: “Parents are on the same wavelength” . . . or . . . “They are of the same mind” . . . or . . . “They agree on how to parent” . . . or . . . “They do the same things” . . . or . . . “They parent as one.”
I don’t actually think that much of this is possible or realistic, and as a result, many parents think that there is something wrong with them and/or their spouse.
The Myth of Parenting on The Same Page
The myth of parenting on the same page is that it will “fix” all of your problems in your relationship and with your teens.
The myth is that when you parent on the same page, you will magically agree with everything that your spouse does. Or even better yet, they will magically agree with everything that you do.
The Problem with “Same Page” Parenting
I have many problems with same page parenting.
I’ve seen spouses manipulate each other in name of “Parenting on the Same Page.” I’ve seen one parent try to control, change, or fix the other parent, convinced that they are the whole problem.
I’ve seen parents dilute themselves, and parent totally out of alignment to their values in an effort to be more like their spouse.
The problem with this is that it is hard to be something that you are not. It is hard to parent in a way that is not aligned with your parenting values and vision. Often one partner is left sacrificing themselves and their values and personal strengths for the sake of parenting on the same page.
Oftentimes parents will both abandon their values and inner strengths in an effort to meet in the middle somewhere. Now you’ve got two parents parenting out of alignment with their personal values and strengths.
When parents try to parent on the same page, one or both often begin to see themselves as a victim in the relationship, at the mercy of the other.
Why It’s Important to Parent on the Same Team, Not on the Same Page
By now I’m sure you’ve noticed that I love sports analogies. They make sense in my brain.
Look at your parenting relationship with your spouse as being on a team.
On teams, there are different members of the same team who have different strengths, skills, and values.
This is a good thing. You have QBs who have the value of being seen and making the impossible throw. They love being in the spotlight and making the big play when it counts the most. They know everyone is watching and they love the added pressure.
On the other hand, think of the lineman whose value is to protect the quarterback and help him look good. They just quietly go about doing their job because it’s inline with their values. They know that no one watches the line, and they love it. They don’t have to deal with the pressure of being in the spotlight.
In addition to having very different values, they also have very different strengths and skills. Could you imagine a QB trying to get his offensive line to all adopt his values and skills and strengths?
When you parent from the mentality of being on the same team, you empower the other parent to embrace their values, strengths, and skills to be the best that they can be.
You allow them to be them.
You trust that what they bring to the team is exactly what is needed. You notice and appreciate what they bring to the table.
How Parent on the Same Team (even when you’re NOT on the same page)
Define Your Own Values
If you’re like most parents, you’ve never taken the time to define your own values.
DO IT!
This will help you know what is truly important to you.
Look to your current reality and results.
Some values you may want to ditch.
Some values you will want to double down on.
Define Your Own Role and Purpose
It’s no one’s job but your own to tell you what your job is as a parent.
Clearly define who you want to be as a parent.
This will help guide you in tough parenting moments.
Explore Your Own Strengths and Skills
Believe it or not you have strengths and skills that no one else has!
You are uniquely equipped to help your teen in ways that no one else can.
Know your strengths and play to them.
Develop and hone your skills as a parent.
Seek to Understand and Appreciate Your Spouse as They Are
Your spouse has their own values.
They have their own role and purpose.
They have their own strengths and skills.
Appreciate that they bring things to the table that you simply can’t do.
Find Ways to Be on THEIR Team!
You don’t have to be the team captain.
It’s usually easier to join their team than to get them to join yours.
Find ways to support them and make them look good!
Protect them.
Help them thrive and succeed.
Call to ACTION!
Become A Firmly Founded Parent today. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
