Stop wasting you energy on things outside of your control, and harness that energy on BEing the parent of your dreams.
Parenting From Fear
Parenting from fear is common for parents, and it’s a symptom of focusing on things outside of your control. When we do this, we typically catastrophize and see all the things that could go wrong.
Theresa was afraid that her teen would be arrested. She was worried that he’d be behind bars and “ruin” his life.
This caused Theresa to yell and try to control her teen.
She thought that she needed to fix him and protect him from himself.
Parenting From Shame
It’s also common to parent from shame and worry about what others are thinking about you. This is another symptom of focusing on things outside of your control
Theresa believed that others were thinking that she was a terrible mother and that it was her job to fix her teen.
If you are experiencing shame as a parent, it’s likely because you are worried about what others think about you.
Also, if you worry that you aren’t good enough, or if you worry that you are somehow ruining your teen, this will cause feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Made Small Simple Shifts In the Beginning
When Theresa shifted her mindset, she was able to change how she behaved towards him. Making these simple things helped her stop yelling at her teen. It helped her better connect with her teen.
Everything Changed When her Mindset Changed
When Theresa realized that she didn’t have to catastrophize, she was able to realize that there were benefits to her son’s behavior. Though she didn’t agree with him selling vapes, she was able to find peace in the thought that he was learning business skills.
Changing from The Inside Out
When you start managing your own thoughts, you start changing on the inside.
When Theresa started BEing the change, the change rippled out and impacted her teen.
Theresa’s growth and change are a reflection of the growth and change that Theresa experienced.
When we change on the INSIDE, our outside environment changes to match our frequency.
Harness Your Energy
Stop focusing on things outside of your control and focus on what you can control. Use that energy to be the BEST version of you that you can possibly be.
When you refocus your attention, you can use that energy to change your thought patterns and start thinking in a more powerful way.
Call to ACTION!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
Come join an amazing community of parents in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs!
“Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for ‘calm‘ — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] “So we like ‘calm‘ because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand.” ~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver
Human Beings are Herd Animals
We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us.
Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” Not only are you influenced by the people closest to you, but you are influenced by your society, your community, your family, anybody that you spend time with.
We can’t help it. It’s a survival and defense mechanism. We try to fit in with those around us.
Teens’ Models Their Parents’ Models
Teens subconsciously are trying to become like their parents. Sure, they are trying to grow up, be unique, and become themselves, but everything they do is processed through their brain which has been highly influenced by you.
Most people adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. You can see this in politics, religion, and even sports fandom.
This isn’t bad. It’s not brainwashing; it’s simply how we are designed as human beings.
What you think and believe, your teen will likely think and believe.
How you feel, your teen will likely adopt.
How you act and what you do, your teen will probably mirror.
This is why it’s so important that we as parents become aware of our own models.
My teen’s struggling with ___________, what should I do?
“My teen’s struggling with . . . “ Confidence, Anxiety, Motivation, You fill in the blank.
Parents all over the country, world really, want to help their teens. They want to change their teens. They want to help them be different.
But their focus is usually in the wrong place.
Parents usually focus on their teen, on changing their teen. But this means that their focus is on something outside of their control.
When you focus on your teen, and your try to fix your teen, you only push them away.
Instead, bring the focus inward onto you. What can you do? How can you be the change that you want to see?
Understand and observe your own personal models.
Develop your own awareness, and then, develop intentionality.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
Resilience is a skill that has to be practiced to be mastered. Resilience is a byproduct of struggling.
“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” ~Nelson Mandela
Why Is It SO Hard To Be Resilient?
It IS hard to be resilient, and it’s hard to develop resilience.
But, it’s not hard in an impossible bad way. It’s hard in a good empowering way.
Asking why it’s hard to develop resilience is like asking why it’s hard to bench press or lift weights. The answer is because it has to be hard. Lifting weights is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t get stronger. Walking into the gym to bench press, is basically signing yourself up to do something hard. As you get better, you intentionally make it harder by adding more and more weight. You are literally making it heavier and harder.
So, why is it so hard to develop resilience?
Because that is how it has to be. Struggle, hardship, discomfort, these are simply the price of becoming resilient.
Think of resilience like bravery or courage. We all think that being brave and courageous is a good skill to have, right?
Well, is it possible to be brave with out first being afraid? The answer is NO. Being brave and having courage means being strong and doing something in the face of fear. There is no bravery without fear.
Similarly, there is no resilience without struggle.
Struggle is hard. This is why it’s so hard to build resilience.
How To Help Your Teen.
It sounds harsh, but let them struggle. I’m not saying to pile it on and go out of your way to make their life miserable.
What I’m saying is, allow them to struggle. Don’t jump in and bail them out. Allow them to struggle, and let them know that they have your support.
Also, be intentional about your perspective when it comes to your teen struggling. It’s easy for parents to “catastrophize” things. Our teen gets an “F” in math, and as parents, we act like it’s the end of the world. We start telling them that that “F”, which represents struggling in math, could keep them from the college of their choice. Instead, we need to reassure them that, though we want them to get better grades, it’s not the end of the world. Let them know that it’s okay to struggle.
Help your teen realize that it is the very act of struggling that makes us stronger. Help them realize that it’s no more than an opportunity to develop their resilience.
Mindset of Resilience
Your mindset makes all the difference. Whether you see your struggles as the end of the world or as an opportunity for growth depends on your mindset. You can make the decision to look for the growth, rather than focusing on all of the negative.
This means, when you get knocked down, not only do you get back up, but you find the positives of getting knocked down. You learn from it and you grow from it.
Even before you get knocked down, if you have a mindset of resilience, you know that getting knocked down is a possibility, you plan on it, and you plan on getting right back up.
Help your teens understand that we all know that we are going to struggle, so just plan on it. That way, when they get dumped or don’t get invited to the party, or they struggle with anxiety or depression, rather than being surprised and shocked by their struggle, they realize, “Okay, this is a struggle. This is part of the plan.”
Call to ACTION!
January is the time to join my group coaching program!
I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. You will develop the skills to be intentional, to turn struggles in to strengths, and to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen.
Plus, I’m joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting? Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager? Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you? Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents! As a member, you’ll get:
🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches
🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
Change your mindset and it’ll change who you are, change who you are and it’ll change what you do. How you think is the key to everything!
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” ~ Albert Einstein
3 Simple Mindset Shifts
Towards the end of the year and through January, people start talking about goals and making changes in their lives.
Here are 3 common mindsets that hold most people back, along with 3 simple mindsets that will empower you in 2021.
Desire vs Shame
Do you have any New Year’s goals or resolutions?
This time of year, most people say things like, . . .
. . . “I need to lose weight,” or . . .
. . . “I should stop yelling at my kids,” . . .
Or, . . . “I would be better if . . . “
Sure, self-talk like this can be somewhat motivating. The only problem is, these thoughts create shame. Anytime shame is the emotion motivating our actions, we are limited by that emotion.
Instead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire. Instead of, “I need,” or “I should,” try . . .
“I WANT TO . . . !”
“I want to lose weight”
“I want to walk up the stares without losing my breath.”
“I want to stop yelling at my teen.”
“I want to appreciate my teen.”
Can you feel the difference?
Rather than doing it out of shame, you’re doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to be.
This will be a powerful example for your teens. This will also help you change your mindset around what you and your teen “need” to do versus what you “want” them or you to do. This will help you drop the shame when parenting.
Who You Are vs What You Do
Most people in the world think in terms of, “What do I need to do to get . . . ?”
We think our desired result is dependent on our actions, which is true as evidenced by the model.
BUT . . .
Who we are determines what we do. So, rather than focusing on what you do, focus on who you are or who you want to become. This will help you think in terms of, “Who do I need to be to get . . . ?”
Have you ever seen people lose weight because they started a diet or exercise program? Most of them have already gained all the weight back.
Have you ever seen people lose weight because they found a pastime that they were passionate about? Now because they love to hike, or ride bikes, or ride horses, or because they got a medical diagnosis they are a completely different person.
Instead of focusing on what needs to be done, explore who you must be to do those things.
This will help you parent with a new perspective. Rather than focusing on what you’ve done “wrong,” you can focus on who you’ve become. Rather than focusing on your teen’s actions, you can better focus on who they are and who they are becoming.
Who you are is the driving force behind what you do.
Be the person that you want to be.
Achieve more in 2021 by doing LESS!
Seems like everyone has a list of things that they want to do in the upcoming year. From improving relationships to losing weight, to making more money.
There’s one problem . . .
We already spend all of our time doing things. Everything that you add to your “To-Do List” will compete for time with all things that you are already doing.
So, rather than focusing on all the new things that you want to do in 2021, rather than coming up with a list of “To Do’s” try identifying the things that you want to stop doing this year.
What are some areas that take up the most time, energy, resources or money? What if you stopped eating out? How much money, time, and health would that save you?
For example, most people focus adding things like going to the gym, starting a diet, or exercising every day. What if instead of adding any of those things, you found something that would accomplish similar or the same results by reducing the things that you do, like ending the practice of eating out.
Our time, energy, and resources are limited. When we try to achieve more by doing more, it often puts stress on one of those areas.
On the other hand, when we start freeing up time, energy, and resources, it empowers you to double your focus on the areas of your life that are most important.
Try it out this year. Here’s some ideas that I’ve done less of in the past:
Stop eating sugar, flour, and processed food.
I was able to lose 30 lbs in 5 months without dieting or exercising.
Stop arguing with others.
I was able to save time and feel better towards others.
Stop eating out.
This one was huge! It helped me lose weight, get healthier, spend better time with my family, and save money!!
Stop focusing on the negative/problems/obstacles.
This helped me be happier, empowered, and find the opportunities and the positives in the midst of the negative.
Call to ACTION!
January is the time to join my group coaching program!
I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. You will develop the skills to be intentional, to turn struggles in to strengths, and to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen.
Plus, I’m joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting? Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager? Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you? Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents! As a member, you’ll get:
🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches
🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
