#119 Tips for Negotiating with Your Teen

#119 Tips for Negotiating with Your Teen

Negotiation Is Important

Sometimes I say things that go completely against the grain.

This might be one of those things that might be different from what you’ve learned.

But I’m going to say it.

Negotiation with your teen IS IMPORTANT!

There’s some advice out there telling parents to stop negotiating with their teens. Saying, things like, “You’re the parent. Your teen needs

to do what you say.”

The problem is, even though you are the parent, that doesn’t mean that you control your teen.

They are in control of themselves.

And if you lucky like me, your teen is nice enough to live by your rules and give you a certain degree of control, even they they could take it away in an instant.

After years of working with teens. one thing I’ve learned is that if you try to control too much of their life, they will take back control, sometimes very drastically.

This is why negotiation is so important.

Negotiation is respecting the fact that neither one of you controls the other and making an effort to agree on something that supports the values of both parties.

If you are raising a teenager, I highly recommend that you start mastering the art of negotiating with your teenager.

The Risks of Not Negotiating With Your Teen

First off, I want to be 100% honest and say that there are some things that are NON-NEGOTIABLE with my teen.

These are things that I’m not willing to budge on.

It’s okay to have non-negotiables.

Take some time to get to know what those are for you, but everything shouldn’t be a non-negotiable, or no one will ever want to negotiate with you.

There’s someone in my life that anytime we wanted to go out to eat with her, you had to go to one of the places that she wanted to go to or she’d refuse to go or complain the whole time.

She would never negotiate. It was always here way or the highway.

I hate to say it, but we rarely go out to eat with her because of her unwillingness to negotiate.

If you refuse to negotiate with your teen, you run the risk of them being unwilling to involve you in their life.

You run the risk of them deciding to completely go against your decision and doing what they wanted all along.

If you control too many things in your teen’s life, you run the risk of them taking control via drastic measures like running away, blatantly breaking rules, self-harming, and even suicide.

Negotiating Will Help You Build Stronger Relationships

Now that we got the downer side out of the way, there are also some serious benefits to negotiating with your teen.

Here are a few of the benefits that I was able to think of:

  • Negotiating builds stronger relationships.
  • It models powerful communication.
  • It models how to understand your values and the values of others.
  • It teaches your teen how to put themselves in the shoes of others.
  • Negotiating helps you and your teen come up with better solutions.
  • It promotes buy in and ownership.
  • Now one likes to be steamrolled.

I seriously believe that better negotiation has the power to improve relationships.

I’ve seen it improve communication in my own home and how the systems within our home flow with my own children, and especially with our foster children.

You might not be great at negotiating with your teen because you never saw the example of negotiation with your parents.

Often when I teach this to parents, they tell me, “I wish my parents would have done this with me more.

Common Mistakes

When it comes to parent/teen negotiations, one of the most common problems that I see is simply an unwillingness to negotiate.

I often hear parents say that their teen is the one who is unwilling to negotiate.

As a parent myself, I understand that my teen just wants his way. I get it. So, I take it upon myself to find ways to negotiate whenever possible.

This is an area where, if your teen is unwilling to negotiate, I’d invite you to be the change you want to see. Find a way for YOU to negotiate.

Tips for How To Improve Your Negotiation

  1. Respect your teen and their values
  2. Know your values and your non-negotiables
  3. Get your teen’s input
  4. Voice your input
  5. Explore options with your teen

Join me and my family on a service trip to Mexico!

If you’re tired of getting your kids stuff for Christmas that doesn’t last, come join me and my family on a service trip to Mexico.

If you want to give the gift of life long memories to your teens and your family, come join us.

#117 A Child’s Hope Foundation: Stacia Chavez

#117 A Child’s Hope Foundation: Stacia Chavez

Episode #117 Transcript

I’m Ben Pugh and you’re listening to Impact: Parenting with Perspective, episode number 117. This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with Parenting Teens. So they can focus on what’s most important building rock, solid relationships, and having a powerful impact on their teen’s life. Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your team turn struggles into strengths.

Hello guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for being on this journey with me and thank you for having a desire to be the best parent that you can be. Today, we have a special guest. This is, you pronounce your name Stacia, right? That’s right. I think most people on reading that would probably say STIA do you get called STIA a lot.

I’ve gotten the whole thing sta I mean, everything. Yeah, you should try having the last name Pugh, but sure. That’s how I know it’s like a sales call, but anyways Stacia here to talk to us about some service trips that her and her family have done. And during this call, I’m gonna share with you, the listener, how you can participate in one of these,

if you would like, so, Stacia, would you mind telling us a little bit about yourself, kind of who you are, how you got started in this and just all the awesome stuff that you guys are doing with this? Sure. Well, my biggest job is just being a mom, which is awesome and a huge job, but I am married to a guy I fell in love with in high school.

And he, when he went on to become a dentist and in the dental field, there’s a lot of opportunity to go and serve in humanitarian ways outside of the country and inside of the country. But he kind of caught the fever and we brought this idea to light. When, when one of our friends actually invited us to go to an orphanage in Mexico several years ago.

We didn’t really consider it for many years because we had young kids, but he kept insisting, you know, you can do this with young kids. We didn’t believe him, but finally we decided, you know, we’re, we’re in a unique position. We have an opportunity to serve and with a very special platform in dentistry, let’s just try this out.

So he first went to, let’s see, where was it? First Dominican Republic and Haiti. And then we went to an orphanage in Mexico as a family, and it changed, changed our lives. So speak to that part, going to the orphanage in Mexico. How did that change your lives? Well, our whole purpose of going to this orphanage for that particular time in our lives was to give our kids a Christmas gift of something that couldn’t break didn’t require batteries.

And that would last a lot long, a lot longer than typical Christmas gifts would. So we thought let’s just give ’em a trip, but we, we had this opportunity to also serve in this humanitarian way. So we thought, well, let’s just combine those. And finally go on this trip. This friend has invited us to go on. And once we decided to go,

we saw, we started seeing all of the benefits of going on a humanitarian trip for our children, not just for ourselves this time. And it kind of started with, oh, let’s give our kids perspective. Let’s show them how people live in other countries, what they eat, you know, how the roads are. I mean, it’s simple, things like that.

And once we actually got down there and started working in this human in a humanitarian way, we started realizing it’s actually much bigger than this. It’s not just about what we wanna give our kids. It’s about what we can all including our kids, offer people who are in need. It just happened to be a win-win for them, but also for us.

Yeah. I love that. I have a weird philosophy. I, I believe everyone is in need. And I believe that in today’s world, a lot of us have a lot of privileges, a lot of comforts, a lot of, a lot of things that distract us from the needs that we actually have. And I feel like there’s a lot of people who are not getting their emotional,

their spiritual, their identity type needs met because of the comfort and the privileges and all the awesome stuff that we have today. And as you were talking about that, like in my mind, I see some people that have some very tangible, visible needs, and maybe some people that their needs are more on the inside. And I believe that when we reach out to meet other people’s needs,

like as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints it’s like, our church is really focused on service. And I served a two year mission. I help people when they’re sick, when they, I used to build houses. So it seems like anytime someone needs a roof or something fixed, I get called like, that’s the physical,

tangible need that you can see, but it also meets a need that I have in my soul. And that’s kind of what I think you’re talking about this mutually beneficial opportunity to meet all the needs. What, no matter where they are on the scale of my, how visible and tangible they are or how internal they are. Another thing that you spoke to about,

gosh, let’s see, my oldest is turning 16, about eight years ago. I just remember being annoyed with Christmas, not like Jesus or like the holiday in particular, but just, I remember we had spent so much money on presents and the kids were bored with half of ’em or they broke like that very day. And I was like, why are we buying so much gifts?

Like it’s a waste of, of money. And so I agree with you. Like, I think this is a perfect alternative to the commercial side of Christmas. I’m curious. How did your children react to this being their Christmas instead of maybe a more traditional Christmas with toys and all the shining objects? Well, I actually had to ask my kids because we started this several years ago.

We, I guess they, according to their memory, we had asked them before Christmas, do you want, maybe we didn’t ask them. Maybe we just told them, we’re thinking of taking you on a trip. We’re going to cuz we’re a Santa family. We, we told them like, we’re going to write Santa a letter and tell him don’t stop by our house this year.

We’re good. We’re just gonna take a trip instead. So we told them that kind of giving them the expectation and they were like, okay with it. They, they liked to travel. I don’t know if we were just lucky that way or if that’s generally how kids are, if they hear trip, but we set it up like that. And because we told them in that way,

I think they were expecting they had their expectations in the right spot. And then what we ended up doing was Christmas day, we told them where we were going and what we were doing, but we wouldn’t leave for, let’s see, I’m trying to remember. I think it was, we left that day. So that year they didn’t have a chance to really gather anything for supplies or prepare for the trip.

But the following Christmas, we actually told them like, do you wanna do this again? And they said, oh absolutely. We want the trip. We wanna go back. So that time we didn’t leave until middle of January. And then they had time to collect donations for the kids, either hygiene products or activities and toys, and they got really into it.

And, and it just became this enjoyable thing to look forward to. That was not just gonna be a one time, open your gift on Christmas day, which is still so fun. But it, it just changed it a bit for them. And they, they look forward to trips now over gifts, we give them the option still, but they still choose.

They, I would say most of the time they choose trips. That’s awesome. So we met at the, at dentist conference and I came home and told my kids, everyone get on Duo lingo, start practicing Spanish. My seven year old’s like sweet. Yes. I love practicing Spanish. Like he’s ready to go. My older kids are like why?

And We, we haven’t decided how we’re going to approach us. My seven year old sometimes listens to my podcast. So Jackson, if you were listening, do not tell your brothers and sister anything, keep your mouth shut, but we haven’t told them why yet. We’re trying to decide, do we like do it as a reveal on Christmas? Or do we tell ’em and let ’em know,

but I’m not sure I’m guessing my older two kids are gonna be like, dad, we have other things that we could be doing at that time. And so part of me wants to just surprise them at Christmastime and be like, yep, we’re going in a month. So it’s gonna be awesome. And just kind of go from there, but from your experience and I’m guessing,

it sounds like it was pretty good for them to have the surprise that, oh yeah, we’re going to do this. Yeah. It was fun. Both ways. It, I think, I think either way would work for most people. I think it depends on how much planning you want them to be involved with. Yeah. Now let me ask you a couple of questions that I know some of our listeners are gonna be wondering the financial end of things.

Like when you started talking to me about this at that dinner that we were at, like I was thinking, it’d be like a thousand bucks a person or more, it is really inexpensive 390 bucks. Is that accurate? That’s right. Yeah. It’s, it’s very inexpensive. And the reason why is because many of the other humanitarian trips and they are all good,

they are all doing a, a wonderful service, but many of them, they want to create an experience where people are not worried at all about their comfort level. So they book places in, you know, nice hotels or resorts where it can be a vacation and a humanitarian trip. And those are all good. This particular trip happens to be a really immersive trip where you actually stay on site in the orphanage.

And in, in the volunteers quarters, you basically it’s, I would call it glorified camping because you have a bunk bed that the volunteers have built themselves, but the bunk bed has an old mattress on it. You need to bring your own sheets and a sleeping bag and pillow. So, and, and it is a communal bathroom. Like it’s a very rudimentary living situation,

but that’s kind of the beauty of it. All of your money actually goes toward improving the orphanage and also the volunteers quarters. So it can make it more sustainable for more volunteers to come in the future. So most of the, the donation goes towards building supplies and just improvements to the orphanage itself. And the good thing is that with this particular foundation,

as child’s hope foundation, they are unique in the sense that they don’t own the orphanages. They just support them. Yeah. And they create a, a really good roadmap for thriving. It’s called a thrive assessment and the, or orphanage has certain requirements to meet so that they can continue getting funded. And these requirements all are for the benefit of the children and the caretakers.

They’re. It’s awesome. Yeah. I watched a little video on your website. So the website is achildshopefoundation.org. So if anyone wants to go check it out, you can see exactly what we’re talking about. But yeah, I watched the video where they do that assessment. My family has adopted a handful of children, one from Russia. I don’t think very many of the orphanages in Russia would meet this criteria.

Like yeah. Yeah. Literally had to go with things to bribe officials. That’s just how the economy works. That’s how you get things done. It was comforting to know that this organization goes through, they kind of vet the orphanages and find out like, where is the money going to be most beneficial? Where is it gonna be helpful and not squandered and wasted?

And I think that’s important as volunteers and donors to really know what I’m doing is gonna have a lasting impact. It’s not going to go to some wealthy person at the top who maybe sprinkles a little bit of good on the people below them. So, yeah. That’s awesome. Talk to maybe the safety of this trip. I know like you watch TV and you’re like,

well, like the drug cartel and kidnapping and all like how safe is this trip? And like what ages of children do you guys bring? Yeah, well, it’s, I consider it very safe. And the good thing about the organization is if anything, does change travel restrictions or any advisories, then A Child’s Hope Foundation, will they, they have a refund policy.

So if it is impossible to go because of unrest or, or just safety reasons, then absolutely you’ll get a full refund, which is amazing. That’s a, a really nice thing for that. You could also rebook a different time. There’s many options with that, but you’re not just, you know, stuck to go to a place. If it is unsafe,

I have never experienced this place being unsafe and they’re, they actually have many orphanages and we’ve only gone to this particular, this one orphanage. But according to everything that I’ve heard from other people that have gone to different orphanages, they are all in the same boat, very safe, the, the location, like we, we drove, we drove down there and caravan down together as a group from San Diego.

And I never felt unsafe, not at the border, not anywhere where we, where we go is in Mexico’s wine country. And it is like Napa valley in many ways. Of course, when you get to the, the little pueblos and the orphanage itself, you definitely feel the cultural difference, but you don’t feel unsafe. We parked our cars there.

Everything was totally fine. Awesome. Yeah. I, I remember being back on my mission and some of the poor areas, like there’s such a sense of community there and they just embrace you as one of their own. And that’s kind of what I’m imagining in my head. Yeah. What if people don’t speak Spanish? I spoke Spanish 20 ish years ago on my mission,

which is really sad that I’m that old I’m, that’s weird. I wouldn’t say that I speak Spanish. Great. Like I can watch movies typically without watching the subtitles and I get the gist, but I, every time lately that I’ve tried to speak Spanish, it’s like, my mouth has completely forgotten how to move. And my children, my wife,

they do not speak Spanish at all. How, Yeah. What would you say to that? Well, I, I didn’t answer the other question, but it actually goes along with this question. So the ages that we take, we’ve actually had a nursing infant on one of our trips with the mother and the father felt comfortable enough to take all their children clear down to their nursing infant.

And it was totally fine. You have your own, you, you have the option of having your own volunteer quarters. If you’re in a situation like that, especially at our, this particular orphanage that we go to, but the ages just, it doesn’t even matter if you speak Spanish, it doesn’t matter if you are 76 years old. That was another age that we’ve had there.

As long as you’re willing to be there and play with the kids, there is a universal language also that once you go down to Mexico, especially you will, you will speak immediately. Soccer soccer is the universal universal language. The kids we had so many children have had so many children on our trips that have not spoken any Spanish, but have gotten really close to the children there and have,

you know, come back really close friends. And an amazing part of this program is you can actually adopt a, a niece or nephew from the orphanage. It’s, it’s called the aunt and uncles program and you can sponsor a child and you can have interaction throughout each month. You know, you can write a letter, they’ll write letters back. You can be in touch with specific children.

If you’ve created those bonds, which is awesome. My hus or not my husband, my son, his first trip he went on was, I think he was eight or nine years old. And he, he made a friend down there playing soccer. And every time we pull up pictures, he remembers his name. He remembers all the specifics and he just has this special place in his heart for him.

And we’ve checked back and, and kept tabs on this cute little kid, as he’s moved from different places, he actually was adopted, which is very, very difficult to do from Mexico. But he was adopted and my little boy just loves following and, and just kind of keeping tabs on where he is now, because they’re such good friends. So Spanish is not a problem.

A lot of the, the people you’ll be working with, they speak English. So there’s that shouldn’t be a worry, but it’s awesome that you get to practice your Spanish when you go down there. Yeah. I, you say it’s awesome, but man, it feels embarrassing. I’m say all the wrong. I was something and the food, like,

do you go out to eat? Do locals Prepare a question? How Does that Work? Yeah. This is also a concern for a lot of people because you hear Mexico and you immediately think of all the, the food bornechurro illnesses or the stomach bugs that you can get. We actually haven’t experienced that on our trip yet. I, I think the biggest reason is because they have a lot of people coming down to help out at the orphanages frequently enough that they have learned what works and what does not for our diets.

We don’t typically eat at the orphanage. There are two meals that we do eat with the kids. We, we eat the first dinner there and then we have an end of the week Fiesta taco night where we have a taco cart come in and it’s actually really fun. We have pinata dancing music, the whole thing. In fact, on our last trip,

we, we actually paid a, a churro cart to come and kind of stand by that taco cart and give out churros. So it’s ums. Yeah. I mean, it’s incredible. The, the food is so good. We definitely go out to eat though locally. And I think because we have enough trips going down, also the locals have figured it out and have,

have met all of the dietary needs that we have. Meaning I shouldn’t say dietary, the food preparation. Safety. Yeah. That is big. Yeah. So the restaurants are amazing. The first trip we went on, there were too many tacos in my opinion. So we switched it up. Yeah. We went and got different things, but there’s lots.

I mean, I know most people say there’s no such thing as too many tacos, but I felt like maybe we could switch it up. And so we, we ended up doing that and have had some amazing food. Yeah. And that’s one of the things that excites me, like authentic Mexican food. Let’s let’s do this. Yeah. See, are there any concerns that I you’re a mother I’m just a dad we’re notorious for not thinking of all the details.

What’s a question that maybe I haven’t asked that my wife would wish that I asked, Oh, let’s see. I would say, okay. Sometimes people like to make a family trip. If you’re going that way. Anyway, if you’re driving, for example, you know, maybe hit Disneyland or something on your way down there or on your way back.

And I think we’ve done both. We’ve done it without, and we’ve done it with, and what I would say is I really liked when we did our family trip, part of it, like the, the fun things that you just wanna take advantage of while you’re in that area, like Disneyland or, or the beach in San Diego, things like that.

I would say the best way it’s worked out for us is to do that first and then end with the orphanage because it’s just, it’s awesome to, first of all, have that comparison, you know, the way we live and the way other people live, it was awesome for our kids. But also I liked starting out with that because then the kids aren’t thinking the whole week,

well, I can’t wait for Disneyland. You know, they, they can actually be present in that moment where they’re at the orphanage and serving the kids there. I, I think that may be one thing that you can consider trying to think of what else. So I thought of another one. Yeah. So your husband is a dentist goes down like has real skills,

like fixing people’s teeth, doing awesome stuff. I’m a life coach and my skills, aren’t quite so tangible. They’re more like I teach you how to manage your thoughts and how to be emotionally intentional. And I can teach you like the self-coaching model. Like all of these things. Is there a place for that? Or like, what would someone like me or my children be doing down there?

Like, are we gonna be building stuff, just playing with the kids, giving them love, like what? That Is a great question. I actually really I’m so glad you brought that up because yes, I started this out by saying my husband’s a dentist. He’s, you know, all the humanitarian stuff. Well, there is way more need out there than just teeth.

We’re lucky that we can, we have that specific set skillset. And you’re lucky that you have your specific skillset because every single one of those skillsets are needed for everybody. Right? Like not, not just these kids in the orphanages, but for everybody, but especially for people who have been through trauma, like these kids, like your, your skillset would be definitely needed.

I like to work on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. So, you know, having those basic needs met like food, shelter, clothing, yeah. Safety, you know, those, those things, luckily the orphanage actually provides now. So that’s where now different skills can come in and you can teach people how to cook or so, or, or in your case,

like how to figure out how to deal with these really hard emotions or just circumstances in life. And one of the coolest things about these particular trips is that a child’s hope gives so much freedom to the volunteers in saying, you know what, here’s our week, you are gonna have as much freedom as you want to do a project or your own personal,

you know, goal with what you wanna accomplish. So some kids have, I mean, I mean, some volunteers have come and taught sewing and some people have taught, maybe not taught so much, but have provided the kids with service opportunities themselves. So one time we went, it was during Christmas and one of the volunteers said beforehand, Hey, we’re gonna go down during Christmas.

Why don’t we give these kids an opportunity to serve? Let’s put together this, this drive here in. And they were from Utah in Utah and we’ll gather all of these supplies, not supplies gifts. And when we get down to the orphanage, we’re gonna lay them out all out on tables and, you know, belts and watches and ties for, or,

or vests, things like that, that the caregivers for these children might want. And then over here, we’ll have jewelry and perfume and, you know, back bombs, whatever for the, the female caregivers. And they put all of these things out on tables. And then they invited each of the age groups of kids or the houses because they’re all divided in houses by age and gender.

So they invited each of the kids to come and the kids were able to choose out specific gifts for their caregivers and wrap them and give them gifts a little for Christmas, which, I mean, that, that was all a volunteer’s idea. And that was just a way that they specifically could help for our person, our particular trip with the dental side of it.

We had a lot of people that were not trained dentists or even, you know, at all able to help in the clinic. But we still were able to get some of the teenagers to come and demonstrate proper hygiene, oral hygiene to the kids. We just had a translator, which was awesome, you know, all skills. So if so, I have a lot of parents.

So parents with Teens are who listen to me. So I can imagine a teen, like if their parents are like, Hey, let’s do this. And here’s what I’m thinking. So maybe I do tell my kids before Christmas, but like, what are some of the needs? Like if we wanted to do a drive, like, do they need blankets?

Do they need hygiene kits? Do they need like, those all sound like Christmas gifts that I’d be like, oh, thanks mom. But like, do they need fun stuff too? Like, I’m Thinking my favorite games lately are a game called cross net and Spikeball Would they Appreciate something like that? Or would they be like, no soccer, please.

Let’s just go back to the basics. Well, I can only speak to the one orphanage that we go to, but I think they probably would all be about the same soccer is always like king. They are always needing soccer balls because the kids, they have kids coming in and out all the time. I don’t know whether kids like, you know,

will adopt a soccer ball and take it as their own or not, but always soccer balls. But beyond that, there’s a huge need for hygiene items because they have in our orphanage, they have 80 orphans plus their caregivers, which makes it about hundred or so people that shower every day that, you know, brush your teeth every day. So things like toothbrushes,

toothpaste, soap, shampoo, conditioner, deter, yeah. Laundry detergent, dish soap, things like that. Those are always gonna be a necessity. We actually have. There, there are a large amount of babies at this particular orphanage. So we always have diapers and wipes as a need. Yeah. And the, if you are not able to go on this actual trip,

if you, if you want to still get involved in some way, and you’re just not sure whether you wanna travel or you just, or just the funds aren’t there, right at that time or time, you know, there are actually project tiles that you can adopt through a child hope foundation. A project tile is I’m just gonna read it straight from their website.

It represents a particular project that an individual or group can adopt or fund. So a project that represents one of the most urgent, most important needs of the orphanages. So it can be something like we need to collect funds for a new septic tank, or we want to put in air conditioning units. That one, I don’t think is up there yet,

but that would be amazing for the summer months in Mexico. But you know, tiling bathrooms or hot water heater, they, they definitely need those types of things. So if you go to a child’s web, a child’s hope foundation website, you can contact them. You can see all of the projects that they have right now. I see that they’ve got propane gas line repairs.

They need medication for children, dining chairs for dorms tires, for their orphanage vehicle, speech therapy. So there are a lot of ways that you can still donate, even if you can’t be there in person. Yeah. I can see some of, some of the listeners being like, okay, let’s see if Ben and his family make it home safely.

And if they do, then we’ll go. And so if like someone put together all this stuff to bring down, like, does it get checked at the border? Like, do we need to have like things accessible, maybe bring less rather than more and have it take forever, like any recommendations. And I would imagine everyone’s gonna need a passport and ID and that type of stuff.

Immunizations. Maybe do you need to be up to date on all of those? Okay. So great question. I might not questions. No, that’s fine. Just remind me if I forget. Okay. So for the border, I’ll just start there to cross the border for adults. You do need a passport for children under the age of, oh,

I can’t remember it’s 18 or 16. You can just use a birth certificate because it’s by land. If you fly in you’d you need a passport. If you drive in, it’s fine to, to use a birth certificate for children, for checking things at the border. If you’re driving through with a bunch of stuff, this is something that we’ve run into.

So we like, since we’re all, we all meet in San Diego at a Walmart parking lot, actually. And when we meet there, we divide up between the cars, a bunch of the supplies that are going down that prevents us from getting stopped and checked. We have gotten checked before. And that was when my husband and I first brought in the dental supplies.

We, we, you know, we’re learning as we were going, but we didn’t claim those at customs. And so we did get charged for those. And that was because we had a truck full of stuff. We knew we were gonna get stopped. We didn’t realize that we were gonna get fined. That is a very random situation because we were starting a big project.

But in general, we just divvy all of the supplies, the donations out that we have collected just from the states, the best way to deal with that is just to get it in Mexico. They have depart big warehouses like Costco or things like that. They have that there. And that way you don’t have to pay or worry about people stopping you at the border.

Things like that. Of course, the best way in my opinion is just to go through a child’s hope foundation website, because that way they can get the funds straight to the orphanages and they can buy those supplies there. They do. They definitely make sure that they are, the funds are going toward what has been, what that money has allocated toward.

Let’s see. What are some of your other questions? What did, what did I miss? Vaccinations? Oh, vaccinations. Are they gonna check? Do They? Nope. They don’t check that you, you, I would, you know, just be wise and don’t go down if you’re sick or if, if you do feel under the weather, but feel like you’re,

you’re gonna be fine. Definitely wear mask because not everybody in Mexico has been vaccinated for cor COVID, for example. Yeah. So just to protect others, that’s just a suggestion, but you know, I think we’ve never run into anybody getting COVID from a trip or giving COVID the kids at the orphanage that we went to, they all had COVID at one point,

that’s just kind of the nature of living in course, close quarters with a lot of people. And we think that it could have come from school. So, yep. Anyway, that’s, I, I wouldn’t worry so much about any specific vaccinations. Yeah. And I think the world has kinda shifted like illness, sickness, guys. These are all a part of life.

Like there’s no 100% guarantee, like, just be smart, take care of yourself, take care of others. And like, my kids have started school a couple weeks ago and they’ve already got running noses and sore throats. It’s just, that’s what happens when we intermingle sometimes. Okay. So if people were to like do a project and kind of gather supplies here,

we’ll kind of distribute those, but you recommend kind of the best thing to do is go through a child’s hope foundation or stop at the Costco in Mexico and buy them there. Right? Yeah. So At that point, maybe getting financial donations rather than actual physical supplies. But guys, if you’re gonna do a project, I’m not gonna tell you how to do it.

I’m not the expert here. Just do what feels right to you and we’ll figure it out. We’ll make it work. Yeah. And it does always work out. It does. Yeah. Awesome. K, is there anything I haven’t asked that I should, is there anything burning in your soul that you want to tell people I’ll give a plug for the upcoming trips.

We, we have so many trips at a child’s hope foundation. If you go to the child,

achildshopefoundation.org, and then there’s a tab that says get involved. You can go down to the volunteer and go over to service trips. And when you click on that, it will pull up a list. It will say public trips or reserve trips.

So you would go to public trips and view available trips. The first trips that are available this Christmas and just all of the holiday winter holidays are full. The first one that I see that is available besides the let’s see, actually the first trip is October 20th to the 24th, this year, 2022. So that’s awesome because that’s very rare to get a public trip that is not full.

But then after that, February 17th is the first public trip available. And that might be the perfect time to go. If you have given your children, for example, this trip for Christmas, because then they can prepare all of the, you know, if they want to collect donations in kind, you know, there are a lot of, there’s a lot of time for them to do that.

And also the anticipation is kind of fun. So that’s the first one. And then a bunch are available after that. So that’s what I would say is get on, look at, look at the website, learn more now so that you can be prepared to take a trip. If you decide that’s what you wanna do with your family. I highly recommend it.

It’s been amazing for our family to participate in and for our kids specifically, like they’ve just, they’ve grown so much in not only seeing how other people live, but seeing how they can help. Yeah. Awesome. So really good guys. If you would like to learn more, you can go to a child’s hope foundation.org. Also, I am going to be putting together an interest list.

If you’d like to go down with me, when I go down, we’re kind of gonna see how this plays out. Like guys, they’re like, I don’t know. Thousands of people who listen to this podcast, lots of thousands of people. I don’t know how many people might want to do this. If you want to go down with me, I will be honest with you.

My Spanish. Isn’t great. Don’t expect me to be your translator. I’m not as tough as I’d look. I like just, if you want to go with me and have fun and we’ll do awesome stuff, sign up. The interest form will be at BenPughCoaching.com/mexico. And you can go sign up and depending on how many people do or don’t sign up,

like if it’s just a few Stacia, I’m probably gonna try and get on with your guys’ trip that you’re going on, which I would really like. Cause that’d be great Down with a bunch of people that I at least know you and Yeah, Your husband, if we get tons of people who are interested and you guys are like, sign me up,

then we’ll do the really scary thing. And we’ll like, create our own trip and we’ll go down and do something. Awesome. So, Yeah. And for your listeners, Ben would be totally great leading this trip on his own, but if you need extra confidence or comfort in knowing that you’ll be taken care of completely a child’s hope foundation actually provides trip hosts and trip leaders to drive you down there to,

to lead the caravan, to show you all the ropes and to be there every step of the way for you. So you’re not gonna be left to do this alone. This is the framework. Is there. The schedule is there. They take care of everything, including when meals are, if you wanna go out as a group, they’ll provide that like,

it’s so easy to just latch onto a group and just say, okay, I’m gonna be taken care of. I don’t have to do worry about planning anything. It will all be planned, but I can have the freedom of doing things on my own if I want to. Yeah, really good. I love that. Okay. So everyone, go ahead,

go check out a child’s hope foundation.org, if you would like to be included in a potential group that me and other listeners and members of my coaching programs, if you wanna be a part of that group, go get on the interest list. It’s at BenPughCoaching.com/mexico and Stacia. Thank you so much for being willing to answer all my questions. You’re So no problem.

It’s been fun. Well cool. And I imagine if people have more questions that I can’t answer a child’s hope foundation is probably the best place for them to go, right? Absolutely. Yep. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. All right, guys, that is all I’ve got for you today. I know typically I’ll have like an offer, like go sign up for this or go do this.

And my offer is go get on the interest list, go sign up to be of service and help us really provide for these needs. And I promise it will come back to you. It will provide for some of your own inner needs that you don’t even know about. So thank you for listening and I will see you guys next week. Bye. Thank you for listening to this episode of Impact: Parenting with Perspective.

If you found any of this, this helpful and would like to get some one-on-one help with Parenting your team, head over to BenPughCoaching.com/mini and sign up for a free consultation today. I’ll talk to you soon.

#114 How to Be the Best Mom(Dad) Ever!

#114 How to Be the Best Mom(Dad) Ever!

Best Mom Ever Summit

On this episode I talk with Allison about the Best Mom Ever virtual summit she is hosting.


It is all about helping parents create the relationship they dream of with their teenagers.

We’re not trying to improve parents. Parents are doing their best. Doing your best is good enough.

We want to help parents embrace Growth instead of being fixed as a parent.

It’s good for our kids to see our imperfections. They aren’t perfect, and neither are we as parents.

Come Learn how to Grow Yourself! And learn how to connect and have the kind of relationship you want with your teen.

Click the link below to sign up.

Best Mom Ever Summit – Sign up Here!