#109 A Thriving Family Starts with a Thriving YOU!

by Ben | Jul 14, 2022 | Podcast

If you want to help your family thrive, you need to be thriving!

The Biggest Mistake

I get it!

Everyone wants a happy thriving family.

But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves.

The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life.

The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life.

Stop trying to fix everyone around you and go to work on your own personal growth.

If you want to go from being frustrated and fighting with your teens over screen time, chores, and how you should be more like their friends’ parents, focus on these 3 simple things:

1. Identity and who YOU want to BE.
2. Connection and YOUR relationships with self and others.
3. Growth and YOUR personal practice and development.

If you shift your focus to these 3 things, you will find that you have a more clearly defined purpose, deeper relationships with others, and a drive and determination to grow into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Identity

Who do YOU Want To BE?

Most parents have never really taken the time to think about this.

However, if you are like most parent, you can probably think back to a time when you had a clear idea of who you wanted to be as a parent.

For me, there was a time when I was in trouble with my parents.

If felt unlistened to, unheard, and I felt they were treating my unfairly.

I distinctly remember thinking, “When I’m a dad, I’m going to be fair. And, I’m going to listen. And, I’m going to be nice.”

Most parents have lost sight of any vision that they might have had for themselves and have reverted to simply parenting in reaction/survival mode.

I want to invite you to take some time to DEFINE your vision for yourself.

Who do YOU want to BE?

Explore that.

If you look back at my first 5 episodes, you’ll notice that the first 2 challenges were all about identity.

If you want to go from struggling as a family, take some time to define YOUR identity.

Connection

How is YOUR Relationship with yourself and others?

What most people don’t understand about relationships is that your relationships with others are simply reflections of your own relationship with yourself.

Want to improve your relationship with others, maybe a teen, spouse, or parent?

You’ve got to first improve your connection and relationship with yourself.

The problem is, if you’re like most people, you’ve learned to treat others with kindness, but that it’s okay to treat yourself like garbage.

If you’ve ever berated yourself in your head, or even out loud, or if you constantly think mean thoughts about yourself, these are indicators that your individual connection and relationship with yourself are struggling.

There is immense power in connecting to yourself and embracing that connection rather than trying to fight it or silence it with self-doubt and self-loathing.

YOU are powerful. YOU are amazing. And, YOU are exactly where and how you are “supposed” to be.

You can’t get to where you want to be without first BEing right where you are!

Take some time to appreciate where you are and what it’s taken to get there.

Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and gifts.

There are special things about you that no one else has.

Start believing in yourself.

Start loving yourself.

Start BEing the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

You cannot give to others what you do not have for yourself.

Want a better connection and relationship with others?

Develop a better connection and relationship with yourself first!

Growth

Where can YOU (and want to) practice and develop.

Sure, I could get better at ballroom dance and country swing, but I don’t really want to. Sorry Deb.

I do want to get better at disc golf, basketball, public speaking, entrepreneurship, and being the best husband and father that I can be.

There’s power in being willing to grow and develop.

It takes a certain humility and vulnerability, but it also takes courage and determination.

If you want to thrive as a parent, grow!

Look at plants; when they are growing, they are thriving.

Look at children. One of the things that doctors look for to know if children are thriving is growth patterns.

If you want a thriving family, . . .

If you want individual members of your family to thrive, . . .

. . . You need to grow!

It’s okay to be imperfect.

It’s okay to have room for improvement.

That’s the purpose of life.

Commit to BEing your best by practicing and developing.

When life and parenting is tough, just realize that you are doing some serious growing, and that’s okay.

Sometimes when life gets tough, that’s just life’s way of showing you areas where there’s room for improvement.

That’s okay.

Putting It All Together: Identity, Connection, AND Growth

One mistake that I see is when people focus on just one or two of these steps.

They understand who they want to be (identity) and they have good relationships with themselves and others (connection), but they aren’t growing (growth), and they feel stuck and stagnant.

I’ve seen people with great relationships (connections), and they’re working hard to grow and be the best they can be, but without an identity they feel lost and confused.

Maybe you’re growing, and you know exactly who you want to be (identity) but without a relationship with yourself it’s hard to connect with others.

And without some self-love, it’s hard to go through the discomfort of growth, and it’s hard to be someone you don’t like.

Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!

Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.

It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.

See you there!

#108 Why Is Change So Hard?

by Ben | Jul 7, 2022 | Podcast

Everyone want’s to change, but most people aren’t committed to changing!

You’re Not Committed

I’ll be honest with you. This topic is on the forefront of my mind lately.

I’m trying to make some changes in my own life, and it’s been a struggle.

I’m making some changes with my physical health, and at times it’s been physically difficult and emotionally difficult.

One of the things that I’ve noticed is that my commitment to change has it’s ups and downs.

Some days I’m all in, 100% committed.

I feel motivated and it feels kind of easy.

And then the very next day, all motivation is out the window, and I’m only committed if there are not major temptations.

Some of the questions I’ve been exploring lately are?

• Why am I not committed to this?
• What AM I committed to?
• What do I WANT to be committed to?
• Why DO I want to commit to this?

Have you ever heard the quote, “It’s easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time,.” by Clayton Christensen?

This is the principle of commitment. It’s easier to be 100% committed than 98% committed.

If you’re struggling to commit, to be committed, work on getting their mentally.

For me, it helps to explore WHY I want to be committed.

• I’m committed to being healthy because I want to be a healthy example to my kids.
• I want to be healthy because I want to live a long and quality life with my family.
• I want to be healthy so I can whoop up on my kids in sports.

Find your why and commit to it!

You’re Not Making Daily Progress

It sounds simple, but momentum builds momentum.

If you’re anything like me, one of the things that holds you back from making the changes you want to make is a lack of momentum.

It’s hard starting from zero, or negative $50,000, or plus 65 lbs.

Building momentum is a daily process, and the best way to build momentum is to make daily progress.

If you’ve been struggling to make the change you want to make, do these 2 simple things:

1. Start today and do something small.
2. Make a small and simple plan to do it again tomorrow.

Momentum builds momentum!

Start building momentum.

Continue building momentum.

BE an unstoppable force, constantly moving ever closer to your desired change.

You Don’t Have The Support You Need

Most people try to create change all on their own.

I get it.

You might be ashamed that you’ve let yourself get where you are today.

You might be embarrassed and trying to hide.

You might not believe that you can make the change you want.

Whatever your reason for doing it alone, you DON’T have to do it alone.

Get the support you need.

Inside of our Firmly Founded Family membership, we’ve seen countless parents and teens who have tried everything on their own, but once they got the help they needed, change was easy.

When you build a community around you, you get some huge benefits, like:

• Accountability
• Support
• Different Perspectives
• Friends
• Examples of New Possibilities

Get the support you need, and start creating real change in your life.

You’re Old Ways Are Benefiting You

We do what we think benefits us.

Your habits and patterns are designed to continue getting you the old benefit that the original action, the start of the habit, once got you.

If you’re having a hard time making a change, explore these questions:

• How is this benefiting me?
• What benefit do I get from this?
• Why did I want this benefit?
• How is this no longer benefiting me?
• How would it benefit me to change?

One of the things that I like to do is to eat delicious food until I’m stuffed.

How does this benefit me?

It makes me feel good. It helps me relax.

Why did I want this benefit.

I learned to buffer with good food from a young age. It’s my family’s love language.

How is this no longer benefiting me?

It’s making me fat. It keeps me from being athletic and dominating my sons in basketball.

How would it benefit me to change?

I’d lose weight, be healthier, and dominate my kids in sports.

Now I can choose between two different benefits. Do I want to relax and feel good thanks to food and at the expense of my health, or do I want to lose weight, be healthy and dominate my kids in sports?

I want to choose the latter result.

It’s Part Of Your Identity

It’s really hard to go against your identity.

This is one of the reasons it’s so hard for smokers to quit. They identify as “Smokers”.

It’s easy to identify as your old self or your old habits, but it’s not helpful.

Just because you like food, or you’ve struggled to lose weight doesn’t mean you’re a “foodie” or an addict.

Just because you’ve yelled at your kids doesn’t make you a “yeller.”

Part of what holds you back from making the change you want to make is seeing yourself as you are, or as you used to be, but not being able to see yourself for who you are becoming.

Want to make a powerful change?

Than shift your identity.

Start BEing that dream version of yourself today.

See where you are right now, and create the story in your mind of how it connects to where you want to be.

You’re Making It Harder Than It Needs To Be

Sometimes we make change harder than it needs to be.

Explore how the change you want to make can actually be easy.

I’ve had clients that after exploring how their change could actually be easy found that it actually was easy.

One client wanting to quit eating certain foods realized that it is actually easier to not buy them than it is to buy them.

It cost less money, took less trips to the store, and made her life healthier and easier.

Don’t fall into the trap of making your change harder than it has to be simply because it’s hard for others, or you thought it would be hard.

Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!

Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.

It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.

See you there!