#095 I’m Not Perfect, Now What?

#095 I’m Not Perfect, Now What?

One of the things that both parents and teens struggle with is accepting when things aren’t perfect and when things don’t turn out how they wanted them to.

Imperfection Is Part of Being Human

One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being “better.”

If you’re like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being “better.”

Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay some of the things you said.

Maybe you didn’t handle a situation with your spouse exactly how you wanted to, or maybe you made a mistake and you’re having to live with the consequences.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!

No one is perfect. That is part of being human.

Being imperfect is part of being a parent.

So now what?

Your Best IS Good Enough!

I want to help you trust that your best IS good enough.

In fact, it’s better than good enough. It’s all that’s possible, ever.

And, it’s PERFECT!

That’s right, your imperfect parenting is PERFECT for what you and your child need.

So, carry on! Keep doing your best!

Own it! Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and continue on!

I’m Not Perfect, So Now What?

Okay, so we’ve established that being human means that you’re not going to be perfect.

So, now what?

Below, I’m going to share 3 simple things to do when you find yourself being less than “perfect.”

#1 Acceptance, Gratitude, and Love

My childhood wasn’t “perfect”, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.

I’ve made TONS of mistakes in my life, but it turns out those mistakes were EXACTLY what I needed to become me.

In fact, without the exact childhood that I had or all of my mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

If you’re like me, you wouldn’t be who you are today without the exact childhood that you had.

If you’re like me, without all of your mistakes you wouldn’t be who you are today.

Also if you’re like me, there’s no going back and changing or “fixing” your childhood or undoing your mistakes.

So, you might as well accept it and be grateful for how it’s helped you become the parent you are today.

The problem is, it can be hard to accept our imperfections and mistakes.

It can be even harder to be grateful for our imperfections and mistakes.

But I want to invite you to connect with yourself Right Where You Are! Imperfections and all.

As you develop the skill of accepting yourself as you are, it will be easier to show yourself some gratitude. With gratitude for yourself, it will be easier to show yourself love and kindness.

You have always done your best. You are still doing your best!

And, that’s perfect!

#2 Improve Your Best

One of the things that I’ve noticed as a football coach is that your best at the beginning of the season looks a lot different than your best at the end of the season.

After one season of football, I’ve seen kids grow physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I’ve seen kids grow in their skills and abilities.

You can do the same thing!

Your best today won’t look like your best in a year from now, especially after listening to the podcast, joining the membership, and practicing all of these amazing skills.

Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t compare yourself with this mythical “perfect” version of you.

Just give your best today and continue the work of improving your best.

#3 Enjoy the Process!

This one is very important, and it’s one that lots of parents forget.

Enjoy the process.

There’s nothing wrong with starting right where you are right now. It’s okay that it might take you some time.

Embrace the process and find ways to enjoy it.

In my experience as a football coach, the best football players are the ones who enjoy the process of working to be their best.

On the other hand, the players who constantly compare themselves with others, think they should be further along in the process, or hate being called out by the coach and admitting that there’s room to improve, seldom reach their potential.

When you can enjoy this process, growth is simply part of the journey.

The imperfections and mistakes also become simply part of the journey.

Call to ACTION!

Our Firmly Founded Memberships are closed right now!

But you can grab the free Perfectionism PDF. Just click the button below!Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!

#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!

Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can stop fear, anger, and anxiety in their tracks.

“Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.”
~ Timothy Miller

I Love November!

I LOVE November!!

I love Halloween, which is the day before November.

I love Thanksgiving, and I love when my birthday falls on Thanksgiving.

I love the fall, the leaves, the cool/changing weather, and I love everything about November.

And, I especially love the focus and extra push when it comes to gratitude, appreciation, and giving thanks.

The Power Of Gratitude

I believe that gratitude is a simple, yet powerful emotion.

There are some positive emotions that some people struggle to experience. Some people have a hard time getting to compassion and love, but gratitude seems to be a positive emotion that most people can experience fairly easily and consistently.

I believe that gratitude is a super emotion. It has the power to stop other negative emotions dead in their tracks.

Let me give you an example.

A while ago, I was trying to talk to my son who was talking on the phone. He “sh”d me.

I was annoyed and continued trying to talk to him. He yelled at me to “Shut up!”

I was a little more annoyed until my wife took his side and said, “Benjamin, leave him alone. He’s on the phone.”

Then I was MAD!

I was livid. I thought, “She was supposed to take my side.”

I’ve trained myself to have warning bells that go off in my head when I experience anger, and I realized what was going on.

Instantly I chose to think, “It’s kind of great that my son has a mother that is willing to take my son’s side.”

I remembered how frustrating it was as a teen when my parents would gang up on me.

All of the sudden, I felt GRATITUDE!

I felt gratitude for my wife, how she was BEing as my son’s mom, and I was grateful for her and my son.

Gratitude stopped my anger right in its tracks.

In an instant, I went from being livid, to being grateful and appreciative for my wife and son.

Gratitude is a super emotion!

Gratitude as a Feeling

Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.

It is created by our thoughts.

It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.

Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.

Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.

We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.

When I’m grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.

Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.

Gratitude as a Way of BEing

Gratitude can be more than a simple feeling.

Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It’s a choice.

I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably caught yourself being ungrateful.

If you’re like most people, when you’re ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.

It’s okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It’s part of being human and being a parent.

BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!

AND, I promise . . .

Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!

How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!

  1. Set your Intention Early and Every day!
  • This has been powerful in my life!
  • When I get up, I set my intention for the day.
  • I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.
  • This takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.

2. Practice BEing Grateful Daily.

  • This one goes right along with #1, once you’ve set you intention, simply practice!
  • Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.
  • Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.
  • It will become more and more natural.

3. See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.

  • As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.
  • See how BEing grateful impacts your life.
  • Look for new and more things to be grateful for.
  • Find new ways to be grateful.

4. Keep a Gratitude Journal.

  • Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.
  • Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.
  • This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.
  • It’s fun to look back on things you were grateful for.

5. Share Your Gratitude with Others.

  • You can’t make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.
  • Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.
  • This may help others see things that they are grateful for.

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership! The price is getting ready to go up, and we’re making it better than ever!

#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!

#024 Lessons Learned in 2020

For some people, 2020 has been a devastating year, full of obstacles and hardship. For others, 2020 has been a challenging year full of opportunity and growth.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
~ Maya Angelou

Look for opportunities instead of obstacles.

Early in 2020, I followed a lot of the narrative about how bad 2020 was turning out to be. Inadvertently, I started believing all of the talk and I started seeing all of the obstacles.

Before I knew it, I was down, depressed, worried, and convinced that 2020 was indeed the worst year ever.

Luckily I started looking for the opportunities instead of the obstacles.

I realized that, thanks to some of the issues we’ve been facing in 2020, there are TONS of opportunites!

  • More parents need help with their teens than ever.
  • I get to spend way more time with my family.
  • I’ve had to focus more on the few things that I can control.
  • I’ve grown and blossomed over the past year.

Control what makes you happy.

This was a hard lesson. I am a social butterfly. I love being around people. I even love going to the store to do grocery shopping.

I love getting together with friends and playing board games for hours at a time at a local board game night.

I love going to live sporting events.

COVID-19 took a lot of that away from me.

I realized that some of the things that made me happiest were outside of my control.

So I decided that I wanted to control the things that make me happy .

  • I am happy when I serve others.
  • I am happy when I’m helping others.
  • I’m happy when I’m loving my family.
  • I’m happy when I am growing.

Things can change, and I’ll be okay.

For as much as I generally like change and get excited by the mere idea of change, there have been several changes that have happened this year that I have not been happy with.

Going to live personal events was something that I loved.

I’ve learned that things can change, and I’ll be okay. I don’t have to love, but I don’t want to argue with the new reality either.

Things always change. It’s up to me to be okay and to make the most out of it.

The little things mean the most.

I love my family!

I love coaching and helping other families.

I love living in a country that is so alive, vibrant, passionate, sometimes very opinionated, and doing their very best!

I’m grateful for my health.

I’m grateful for my life!

Special Gift for YOU!

My birthday was yesterday. Today we are celebrating one of my favorite holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!

I want to offer you a special gift!

From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

Space is limited, and it’s first come first serve.

Book your Gift Session Today!

Call to ACTION!

Join my group coaching program! I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.

The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!

Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?

You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you’ll get:

  • 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
  • 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
    • Monthly training
    • 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
    • Monthly Guest Expert Call
  • 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
  • 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
  • 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
  • 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
  • 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
  • 📚 Access to our growing library of resources

🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯

#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!

#021 What do you REALLY want?

Have you ever explored your true desires?

“It’s not having what you want–It’s wanting what you’ve got”
~ Sheryl Crow, Soak Up the Sun


“When you can’t have what you want, it’s time to start wanting what you have.”
~ Kathleen Sutton

What DO You Want?

Most of us think we have a pretty good idea about what we want.

When someone asks us, “What do you want for your birthday?” or “What do you want for Christmas?” we can usually come up with an answer pretty quickly.

So, I want to do an exercise with you. This is an exercise that I have done with some of my past students, foster kids, my own kids, and often with my clients.

Quick Exercise

  • Step #1
    • Pause this episode and write a list of 10 things that you really want.
    • I’m serious, if you want to do this exercise as if you were one of my clients, do not listen beyond this point until you’ve created your list of 10 things that you REALLY want.
  • Step #2
    • Review your list and see how many of the things you listed that you actually have right now.
    • If you’re like most people, you will have listed things that you do not have.
  • Step #3
    • Finish listening to this podcast episode.
  • Step #4
    • Make your list of 30 wants alternating from something you currently have and you want to something you don’t have and you want. Then repeat that pattern until you’ve come up with 30 wants.

What we think our wants will do for us.

Usually when we think of something that we want, we think it will make us feel something to have it. We think that if our teen was more respectful, “I’d be happier.” We think that if our teen made better choices or got better grades in school, “I’d feel better as a parent.”

This is how we think of most things that we want when we focus on the things that we don’t have. “If I had that new car, I’d be so happy!” or “If I got that promotion at work, I’d be so proud.”

We end up waiting until something that we don’t have comes into our life, before we allow ourselves to feel the emotion that we desire.

It’s not really the changed behavior of our teen that we want. It’s not really the new car or the raise at work. What we really want is the emotion that we think we will get when the thing that we don’t have comes into our life.

This has us held hostage emotionally. When we think this way, we are letting our emotions be dictated by things that we don’t have.

Rather than feeling gratitude and appreciation for the things that we do have, we end up feeling lack and shame for the things that we don’t have.

Gratitude has the power to move us towards our goals.

Now that you’ve made you list of 30 wants, half things that you already have and want and half being things that you don’t have yet, take a minute and really experience the joy and gratitude of having those 15 wants. For me it’s so powerful to want and have my family, my business, my friends, my house. I get to experience the joy of having these things that I most treasure.

Next explore the reason that you want each of the things on your list, both the things you have and the things you don’t yet have. Understand why each of them is important to you.

When we balance our focus between the things that we both have and don’t have, it changes our perspective. It helps us see what we’ve already accomplished. It helps us remember that there are SO many things that we do have. And, while it’s okay to want more, first let’s practice wanting what we have.

The practice of wanting what we do have changes the emotion that comes with want. Rather than wanting from lack, scarcity, shame, or jealousy, we can now want from abundance, peace, compassion, and gratitude.

I find that November is the perfect time to reflect on what I have and what I want. It helps me gain gratitude and momentum as I start thinking about my goals for this year and the upcoming year.

Call to ACTION!

Join my group coaching program if you’d like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.

The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!

Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?

You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you’ll get:

  • 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
  • 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
    • Monthly training
    • 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
    • Monthly Guest Expert Call
  • 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
  • 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
  • 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
  • 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
  • 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
  • 📚 Access to our growing library of resources

🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯