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by Ben | Sep 9, 2021 | Podcast
When you position yourself as the learner, it changes how you interact with your teen!
“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.”
~ Doris Lessing
Principles of Being a Relationship Hero
#1 Be 100% Responsible for YOUR Relationship with Them
- If you’re like most people, you’ve blamed your relationship on the other person in the relationship.
- “If my teen would . . . “
- “If they would start . . . “
- You are responsible for how you feel towards the other person in your relationship.
- Relationsponsibility (Joey’s made up word)
#2 Relationship Hero vs Relationship Victim
- Victims and sidekicks have to rely on somebody else.
- Save yourself in the relationship.
#3 Be the Change You Want to See
- Want your teen to be more confident? You start by BEing more confident.
- Want your teen to be more respectful, You start by BEing more respectful.
#4 Your Relationships are a Reflection of Your Relationship with Yourself
- Want a better relationship with your teen? Improve your relationship with yourself.
- This may mean that you will need to change some of your self-talk, which will impact how you start talking with your teen.
#5 How YOU Think about Them, How YOU Think about Yourself, and How YOU Think they think.
- How you think about YOURSELF in the relationship.
- How you think about THEM in the relationship.
- How you think THEY think about YOU in the relationship
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, and the doors are closed . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . If you want to take your parenting to the next level, you can still join the Firmly Founded Parent.
Now that my Impact Parenting Program is up and running, we’re going to be revamping and improving the Firmly Founded Parent, and I want you to join us to make it the best monthly parenting membership EVER!
Join TODAY!!
![#065 How to be the hero in your relationships!]()
by Ben | Sep 2, 2021 | Podcast
When you position yourself as the learner, it changes how you interact with your teen!
“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.”
~ Doris Lessing
Choose to Love!
What a pleasure to interview Bonnie Lyman from Bonnie Lyman Coaching!
When I interview people, I like it to be natural and unscripted. So, to be completely transparent, I don’t plan out my interviews, which makes it harder to make show notes.
So, if you want to get all of the amazing teachings that Bonnie shared, make sure that you listen to this episode. These show notes don’t do it justice.
I love that she taught us that you have to CHOOSE LOVE! I think that since loving others comes so naturally, we forget that sometimes we need to intentionally choose to love some people in our lives.
Especially when our teens are challenging our beliefs and expectations, it can be hard to love. That is when it is powerful to remember that YOU have the power to choose love!
Loving Your Children Starts with Loving Yourself!
Your relationships with your teens are a reflection of your relationship with yourself! If you want a better relationship with your teen, story working on your relationship with yourself.
I’ve seen this show up in so many ways for parents and teens.
Want to love your teen more? Then love yourself more!
Want to trust your teen more? Trust yourself more.
Every relationship you have is a reflection of your own inner relationship with yourself.
Bonnie talked about inviting clients to find 5 things that they like about themselves every day. This is a powerful exercise. I invite you to do this. If you struggle with this, come join our parenting membership, The Firmly Founded Parent. Inside this group, you will learn how to really love and trust yourself, and your teen, and how to start parenting with confidence.
What Can You Learn From Your Teen?
This is one of my latest kicks. What can YOU learn from your teen? What are they trying to teach YOU?
When you position yourself as the learner, it changes the dynamic of your relationship. It helps you see your teen from a different perspective. It allows your teen to have a powerful impact on your life as an equal, rather than as a lesser person because they’re not an adult, or because they are your child.
I’ve been doing this work in my own life right now, and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!
It completely changes how I see my teen.
When I ask, “What can I learn from him?” I start to see him as someone with SO much wisdom, someone I can trust.
And guess what? . . .
I ACTUALLY LEARN FROM HIM!
He’s helped me learn a massive amount of patience. He’s helped me learn that I don’t know as much as I think I know. He’s helped me understand that just because I was a teen, doesn’t mean that I understand what it’s like to be a teen today. He’s helped me learn that I am at my best as a dad when I am learning and growing myself. He’s helped me learn that I want to be more like him in more ways than I previously realized.
Seriously, try positioning yourself as the learner in the relationship with your teen.
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, and the doors are closed . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . If you want to take your parenting to the next level, you can still join the Firmly Founded Parent.
Now that my Impact Parenting Program is up and running, we’re going to be revamping and improving the Firmly Founded Parent, and I want you to join us to make it the best monthly parenting membership EVER!
Join TODAY!!
by Ben | Aug 26, 2021 | Podcast
One of my favorite things to do is to coach football! Here are some early leassons learned from this season.
“In the absence of feedback, people will fill in the blanks with a negative. They will assume you don’t care about them or don’t like them.”
~ Pat Summit
I LOVE Football!
First, I want to say that I LOVE football!
It really helped me as a struggling teen, and even as an adult, football plays a beneficial part in my life.
For the past 4 years, I’ve helped coach football in some capacity. Several years before that I also spent 4 years coaching at the high school level.
It’s thanks to football that my wife and I got into foster parenting and part of the reason I got into education. And now, as a life coach, football has a heavy influence on how I teach and coach parents and their teens.
This year, I wanted to take a minute and share some powerful lessons that I’ve learned so far from this season.
Lessons I’ve Learned So Far that You Can Use with You and Your Teen!
Feedback is important!
This is the first year that I’ve coached with this set of coaches.
One of the things that I’ve noticed that sets the best coaches apart from the others is their ability to give consistent feedback!
The coaches who are most respected give consistent feedback. Do something wrong, they’re going to calmly let you know. Do something right, they’re going to calmly let you know. The best coaches give players feedback, for example coaching on how to block better, then they wait and watch for you to do it right so they can give you feedback in the form of praise.
Recently in talking with my son, he told me that he didn’t like certain coaches. When I asked him “Why?” he explained that he didn’t think that they liked him. Again, I asked my favorite coaching question, “Why?” To which he answered, “I don’t think they like anyone. They never tell us anything. They never talk to us.”
How can you consistently offer feedback? What feedback would you like to offer?
For me it’s teaching my teen, it’s praising his efforts, and it’s letting him know that everything is just right.
You are responsible for your culture!
I love the team that I am coaching with, and I am grateful for the opportunity. I want to be clear about that!
I also want to share some of the lessons that I’ve noticed and some things that you might be able to apply in your home.
This lesson has become glaringly obvious lately.
You are responsible for your culture.
Recently I overheard some coaches complaining about players being late. The funny thing was, this group of coaches is consistently late themselves. They are responsible for the culture that they are complaining about. Not only do they tolerate players being late, but they also model that behavior by being late themselves.
Being responsible for your culture is both a blessing and a curse. We can see the negative impact in the example above.
This is also a blessing because if you want to change your culture, it starts with YOU.
Be the change that you want to see.
How are you responsible for the culture in your home, both the good and the bad?
How can you take responsibility for your culture? Where would you like to start BEing different?
For me in my home, it’s positioning myself as the hero by avoiding my tendency to complain and blame. It’s creating a culture of responsibility and BEing the hero of our own stories.
Excitement is contagious!
It’s been fun to coach with these coaches. One of the new coaches is my son’s favorite coach. When I asked him, “Why?”, he said, because he’s always happy and excited. This coach is one big buff, athletic-looking, dude! When he gets excited, it’s a little scary because he’s so massive, but EVERYONE around him gets excited.
What if you got excited every time you saw your teen? What if that was one of your new ways of BEing? What impact would that have on you and your teen’s life?
For me, it’s celebrating my teen’s victories and successes. It’s being excited to see him and spend time with him.
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, and the doors are closed . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . If you want to take your parenting to the next level, you can still join the Firmly Founded Parent.
Now that my Impact Parenting Program is up and running, we’re going to be revamping and improving the Firmly Founded Parent, and I want you to join us to make it the best monthly parenting membership EVER!
Join TODAY!!
