#126 – The Gift of YOUR Growth

#126 – The Gift of YOUR Growth

Why Do Parents Stop Growing?

Recently I was talking to a dad and he said something to the effect of, “Why do we quit growing as parents and adults?”

He went on to say that as a parent, he feels like he’s supposed to know everything and be perfect and that working on his own personal growth would make him look silly, like he doesn’t know everything and he’s not perfect.

☝️ This is why parents stop growing. ☝️

They think that they’re supposed to know everything and be perfect, so they avoid imperfection and the unknown.

There’s a concept that I taught my little league football team this year.

One day, while I was trying to coach up one of my players, he kept interrupting me telling me, “I know. I already know!”

The problem was, when I watched him I could tell that he did not know what I wanted him to know.

And, because he thought he already knew, he didn’t have room to learn anything new.

I call this the full cup problem.

Imagine trying to pour water into a cup that’s already full of water.

What’s going to happen?

It’s going to over-fill and run over the side.

The cup has no room for anything more.

This happens to us when we think we have no room for growth.

Why Do People Avoid Growth?

Recently I’ve been watching my kids as they’ve been growing in different areas of their lives.

My 16 year old, even though he’s on the football team and wants to be a good football player, he has been resistant to growth.

He tells me things like, “I don’t want to mess up”, or “I don’t want a coach to yell at me”, or “I don’t want to look dumb.”

My 13 teen year old on the other hand, has never played football before this year and he knew almost nothing.

Because he knew nothing, he positioned himself as an empty cup and was very coachable, and he grew very quickly.

Most people avoid growth for just a few reasons.

#1 They don’t want to look bad.

#2 It can be hard and uncomfortable to grow.

#3 They don’t believe they can/need to grow.

Growth is What Stands Between You and Your Dreams

One of the things that I’ve found as I’ve coached tons of parents and teens is that growth is what’s standing between you and your dreams.

Want to become the parent of your dreams?

Grow as a parent.

Want a better relationship with your teen?

Grow YOUR relationship with yourself and then your teen.

Want to stop yelling, arguing, or simply avoiding all potential conflict with your teen?

Grow yourself as a parent.

The Gift Of Growth

I want to give you the gift of growth.

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

#123 – Are You Craving Simplicity?

#123 – Are You Craving Simplicity?

Humans Overcomplicate Things

If you’re like most people, you’re probably guilty of overcomplicating things.

This is in our human nature.

You have a massive prefrontal cortex that loves complexities. So, your brain naturally overcomplicates things.

Look at heart surgery for example.

Super complicated, right?

I might be your favorite life coach, but there’s no way you’re going to have me perform heart surgery for you. It’s too complex. I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I’m not saying heart surgery is bad, I’m just saying that it’s a complex solution that gets more attention than the simple solution.

The truth is, heart surgery often could have been avoided by simply being healthier, eating better foods and being more active.

Rather than doing the simple, people often turn to the complicated solution.

Your Subconscious Mind Loves Simplicity

Don’t believe me?

Look at the movies we watch, they might seem complicated on the surface, but in reality, they’re very simple.

They follow pretty much the same simple pattern.

There’s a good guy, a bad guy, and a thing the good guy wants, but the bad guy is in the way, so the good guy has to go on a journey, which causes them to grow, which makes them able to defeat the bad guy and get what they want. The End.

Almost every movie, TV show, play, or book has followed this pattern forever.

And, if you’re like me, you just keep watching because it’s simple, it’s predictable, and it feels good.

We watch entertainment to help us relax and let go of the stress that comes with our complicated world.

Your subconscious is craving simplicity.

We think we want complicated, and all the bells and whistles, but what we really want is simplicity.

You think you want the fancy car, with all the buttons, and the latest features, and the coolest designs, . . .

. . . BUT. . .

. . . What you are really looking for is the simplicity that the car will bring.

For example, the fancy car with all the buttons will make your life easier/more comfortable.

The latest features will make your life safer.

The cool new design will make you cooler.

Even in all of it’s complexities, it’s promising simplicity.

Over-Complication Leads to Overwhelm

Lately in my 1:1 coaching and in the Firmly Founded Family membership, I’ve been coaching a lot on OVERWHELM.

It seems like everyone is overwhelmed these days, especially me.

Moms and dads are overwhelmed because it’s the holiday season, and their houses aren’t clean enough or decorated well enough, and they need to do all this stuff, and help their kids do all this stuff, and they need to pay the bills and work, but then they’re not home, and they just feel like they are failing at everything because they can’t do everything, and they feel overwhelmed and stressed.

Teens are overwhelmed because their grades aren’t good enough, and they have so many things that they don’t want to miss out on, and school, and church, and youth groups, and coaching calls, and sports, and, and, and, . . .

And I’m overwhelmed because I have so many things I want to do. I want to have the best family membership, the best coaching content, the best courses, and I want to start an entrepreneurial alternative to high school for teens who hate school, and I want the most clients, and I want to coach football and win the most games and have the trickiest plays, plus I just want to hangout with my family all the time, all of which leaves me feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

If you’re like everyone I’ve ever coached on overwhelm, you probably don’t like it.

Overwhelm will hold you back.

Overwhelm will suck all the joy and confidence from your life.

Simplicity Leads to BEing

If you want more peace, joy, and confidence in your life, start turning to simplicity.

Seriously, it will change EVERYTHING.

One of the things keeping you from BEing the parent of your dreams is overwhelm.

Trying to be everything, and do everything, and have everything is keeping you from BEing who you want to be.

So start letting go of things that unnecessarily complicate your life.

Pick ONE Thing that would Change EVERYTHING

I’ve been coaching a football player.

He’s very good.

At the beginning of the season, he was supposed to be amazing, but he wasn’t.

In fact, he was getting in trouble with his coaches because he wasn’t playing to his potential.

He was worried that he was going to lose his starting job.

After one session, we were able to identify, address, and fix the problem.

He was overwhelmed and overcomplicating his job.

I had him identify ONE SIMPLE thing that would change everything.

After a week of simply doing that ONE SIMPLE thing, everything changed.

What’s that ONE SIMPLE thing for you?

What’s the one simple thing that would change everything?

For me, it’s been being kind. Lately it’s simply allowing growth and expansion in my life.

For my football player is was firing off the ball and being committed.

Get Access to My Next Course at 50% OFF!
(You just have to help me with some feedback).

I’m implementing some new teachings in my next course, and I’m redoing tons of components with the goal of simplification.

Help me hone in this trainings and make the course as simple, yet impactful, as possible, while saving a bunch of money.

#122 – 10 Things Keeping You From Changing

#122 – 10 Things Keeping You From Changing

Why Don’t People Change?

Everyone wants to change!

But, very few people actually create the change that they are looking for.

Why is that?

Why don’t people change; or, why don’t people create the change that they are looking for?

Today we’re going to explore 2 things.

What keeps people from change, in general?

. . . And, . . .

What’s keeping YOU from changing?

What Keeps People From Changing?

This is a big question and a very powerful question.

I’m just going to share my top 10 things that keep people from changing.

This isn’t an all inclusive list, but these are some of my favorites.

  1. Identity
    • It’s hard to BE someone you don’t believe you can be!
    • You are who you believe you are.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • How does this change conflict with my identity?
        • Moms who identify as a “yeller” have a hard time stopping the habit of yelling.
  2. Benefit
    • It’s hard to change if you want to continue getting the benefit of the old way.
    • Everything we do, we do because of a perceived benefit.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What benefit am I getting from this old way of BEing?
        • It’s hard to lose weight if you’re too attached to the benefit of comfort and relaxation.
  3. Desire
    • It’s hard to change if you don’t really want to change.
    • My least favorite people to coach are the people who don’t want to change. They’re usually getting coaching because their parents or spouse wants them to change.
    • If you don’t want to change, you won’t change.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • If I don’t want to change, why not?
      • What do I want to do instead of changing?
  4. Comfort
    • Comfort doesn’t create change.
    • In fact, comfort often stifles change.
    • It’s natural to seek comfort. We are hardwired to seek comfort.
      • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
        • What will my life look like in a week, month, year, 5 years, 20 years if I stay in comfort?
        • What will my life look like in a week, month, year, 5 years, 20 years If I leave comfort?
  5. Lack of Belief
    • Most people don’t truly believe that they can change.
    • When people don’t choose to work with me, the #1 reason is because they don’t believe it will work for them, because they don’t believe in themselves.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • If I did believe I could change, who would I BE and what would I do?
      • Then BE that and DO that!
  6. Choice
    • Most people don’t consciously choose to change.
    • Change is a choice!
    • Choose to change.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What choices would create change in my life?
  7. Values
    • Your values create your reality.
    • If you want to change your reality, you’ll have to change your values.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What values would create new results in my life?
  8. Commitment/Buy-In
    • Commitment and Buy-In are undervalued.
    • How committed are you to creating change? How bought in are you?
    • One of the reasons I charge people to work with me is because it increases commitment and buy-in.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • On a scale of 1-10, how committed am I?
      • What would help be be more committed/bought-in?
  9. Trying to Change from the Outside In
    • Most people try to change from the outside-in.
    • You can only create change from the INSIDE-OUT!
    • Outside-In = Focus on things outside of your control.
    • Inside-Out = Focus on things within your control.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What am I trying to change that’s OUTSIDE of my control?
      • What’s something WITHIN my control that I can change?
  10. Trying to Force Change
    • This one is huge!
    • Most people try to force change.
    • Rather than forcing it, simply allow the change to happen.
    • Creating change is like planting a seed. Once it’s planted, do you part (water and fertilize it) and then allow the seed to do its own thing.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • Why am I trying to force this?
      • How could change naturally take place on its own?

What’s Keeping YOU From Changing?

The truth is, the thing keeping you from changing is . . .

. . . You probably already guessed it . . .

. . . It’s YOU!

I’m a very good life coach, but I can’t create change in your life.

Only YOU can create the change that you are looking for.

If you want help, I can help you.

I can teach you how to simply start BEing the parent of your dreams!

I can help you connect with your teen, right where they are, and start having the relationship you’ve always wanted, starting TODAY!

I can help you grow and develop skills that will help you BE the parent of your dreams.

BUT, it starts with you!

The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is:
Facing Your Fears!

On Monday, we hosted a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters.

We’re doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears.

By participating in this training (watching the replay) and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card.

Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.

#121 Facing Your Fears

#121 Facing Your Fears

FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training SOON!

We’re hosting a free Family Home Evening style training on Monday, October 10th, @ 6:00 pm MDT.

It’ll be fun and family friendly, so sign up to attend this training live or catch the reply by clicking the button below.

Is Fear Holding You Back?

For the month of October, our theme in the Firmly Founded Family membership is Facing Your Fears.

If you are like everyone else in the world, you have some fears.

And, if you’re like most people in this world, some of your fears are holding you back.

With teens this often looks like being afraid of not being accepted, and then making decisions based on that fear that hold them back.

Sometimes it’s a simple fear, like FOMO. The fear of missing out has lots of teens running ragged because they are trying to do it all.

Often times for parents, it’s the fear of failure.

If you’re like most parents, you’ve worried about being a failure as a parent and totally ruining your children.

You might also be afraid of your teen failing, and having to pick up the pieces.

The problem is, if you are trying to avoid your fears rather than facing them head on, your fears are holding you back.

Emotions Can’t Physically Hurt You

Everything you do as human is driven by emotion.

You’re either seeking a desired emotion, or avoiding an undesired emotion.

It’s important to understand this, because fear is one of the most common emotions that humans try to avoid.

BUT, if you and your teen can learn to face your fears rather than avoiding them, you will experience more confidence and peace in your lives.

Emotions can be uncomfortable, and even traumatizing, but they won’t kill you.

In fact, your ability to face your fears can even decrease the discomfort that comes with fear and make scary situations less traumatic!

Parenting from Fear

I’ve noticed that when I parent from fear, I’m more controlling, more critical, and less compassionate and kind.

I’ve noticed that when my teens live from fear, they are less confident (duh, right? I know it’s obvious, but go with me on this) and more likely to let me control them.

I’ve noticed that fear it contagious. The more fearful I am, the more fearful my teens and family are, and the more fearful they are, the more control I have.

I want to stop this cycle.

I want to teach them how to face their fears, how to be confident, and how to be in control of their own live.

I realize this starts with me in my home, and it starts with YOU in your home.

Fear and Re-Training Your Subconscious Mind

Lately I’m on this Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind kick, and I think it totally applies to facing your fears.

Fear, like all emotions, happens on the subconscious level.

When we get into fear, it’s usually because we are not managing our mind.

Often times, fear is simply the result of how we have allowed our mind to be programed.

You don’t have to be afraid.

Nothing will ever turn out as terrible as you imagine that it could.

You are more capable than you give yourself credit for of facing your fears and moving forward with confidence.

Every time you face your fears, and intentionally BE the best version of you, in spite of your fears, you are re-training your mind.

Start practicing BEing who you want to be, even in the face of your biggest fears.

Tips for How To Face Your Fears

  1. Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear
    • Get to know what you’re afraid of.
    • Understand it.
    • Acknowledge that you are afraid and that it’s okay.
  2. Mentally Go There
    • If you are scared, you are likely focusing on things outside of your control, and you are likely catastrophizing.
    • Understand that and mentally go there.
    • Picture yourself experiencing the thing that you fear.
  3. Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your Fear
    • This is hard, but explore who you want to be in the face of your fear.
    • See yourself BEing that way in the face of your fear.
    • Understand why you want to be that way.
  4. Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case Scenario
    • Once you’ve identified who/how you want to be in the worst case scenario, your fear, see how that would serve you in the best case scenario.
    • How does this way of being apply to both scenarios?
  5. Practice BEing The Parent Of Your Dreams
    • Now, get back to reality and practice BEing the parent of your dreams.
    • This doesn’t make the fear go away, but it gives you a guide for how you want to be.
    • This shifts your focus back to the one thing you can control, YOURSELF!

The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is:
Facing Your Fears!

On Monday, October 10th, 2022, @ 6:00 pm MDT, we will be hosting a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters.

We’re also going be doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears.

By participating in this training and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card.

Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.