#077 How To Sleep Better For You and Your Teen!

#077 How To Sleep Better For You and Your Teen!

Sleep is a powerful and important bodily function that can have huge benefits for you and your teen.

Why is Sleep So Important?

Sleep is SUPER Important, and yet it’s often one of the first things to sacrifice when you’re busy or ignore when you’re busy.

A lack of sleep has been linked to several physical, mental, and emotional problems.

One of the things that teens that I work with have told me is that they started to feel better when they started sleeping better.

Sleep is literally a bodily function.

You have to sleep.

Could you imagine if you didn’t go to the bathroom for a day or eat or drink for a day?

It would seriously impact how you function from day to day.

Things That Keep You From Sleeping

There are so many things that can keep you and your teen from sleeping, so this won’t be an all-inclusive list, but it’s helpful to know some of these things.

One of the things that I see that keeps both teens and parents from sleeping better is the lack of a pre-sleep routine.

If you’re like many of the parents and teens that I coach, you probably don’t have a clearly defined pre-sleep routine and as a result, you might find yourself taking longer to wind down and finally fall asleep.

Screentime right before bed is also a common culprit when it comes to making it harder to fall asleep. Many of the teens that I work with fall asleep with their phone in hand.

One of the other common issues that keeps some parents and teens from sleeping is having an active mind at bedtime. Just when you want your brain to start winding down, your brain seems to want to go into overdrive.

It’s important to gain some awareness around exactly what is keeping you from sleeping. Once you have an awareness and understanding, you can then be intentional about how you will address the things that are keeping you from sleeping.

Things That Help You Sleep

One of the biggest things that I’ve found that helps me and my teen and parent clients is to develop a bedtime routine that you can follow easily.

I understand that it can be hard to do at times with the hectic schedules that seem to go hand in hand with raising teenagers, but I promise, this is something that can help!

For me, I understand that I have to stop working at least an hour before bedtime, preferably two. It helps me to limit my screen time at least 30 minutes before bedtime, preferably 60-90 minutes.

I’ve also found it to be helpful to do things that help me be tired at night, whether this is walking, playing sports, or simply being more active. Sometimes this is a simple and fun way to ensure that you are ready to zonk-out at night.

Another thing that seems to help is getting up earlier in the morning. I know it’s hard when you’re not sleeping well at night, but it can be a game-changer when it comes to resetting your inner clock.

Ultimately, it’s important to be willing to try new things and see what works for you!

It’s also important to realize that your sleep habits are just that, habits. It might take a little time to build some new habits that support sleep and to break some old habits that inhibit sleep.

5 Simple Tips to Help You and Your Teen Sleep Better

  1. Develop a bedtime routine that is easy and doable.
  • This is super simple, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people complicate this.
  • Create a simple bedtime routine that you will actually do.
  • For me it looks like:
    • Quitting anything that looks like work at least 1 hour before bedtime.
    • Putting my phone away about 30 minutes before sleep.
    • Taking care of my body by brushing my teeth, flossing, and stretching my legs and back.
    • Occasionally, when I’m extra overwhelmed, doing a thought download before bed.
    • Getting in bed by 9:45

2. Manage your mind morning and/or night.

  • Doing a thought download before bed can be HUGE!
  • The brain sometimes goes into overdrive just when you are trying to wind down.
  • To prevent this, practice managing your mind.
  • It may even be helpful to do a thought download in the morning if you wake up feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

3. Be more active throughout the day.

  • Try getting more steps in.
  • Go get whooped by your teen in basketball or pickle-ball.
  • Try increasing your activity level throughout the day.

4. Have a good morning routine that is easy and doable, even when you’re tired.

  • This goes hand in hand with #1.
  • Don’t over complicate this. Create a simple morning routine that you will actually do.
  • For me it looks like:
    • Getting up at 5:45, even when I didn’t sleep well the night before.
    • Going to the bathroom and getting a BIG drink of water.
    • Stretching my legs and back.
    • Meditating,

5. Decrease pre-bedtime distractions.

  • Know what your pre-bedtime distractions are that impact your sleep.
  • Have a friend that always riles you up? Don’t talk to them after 7:00 pm.
  • Are you a Facebook warrior? Drop the feuds by 7:00 pm, or better yet, ditch Facebook altogether after 7:00.
  • Do pre-bedtime snacks or certain dinners leave you gassy and uncomfortable? Know that and cut it out.

Improving Your Sleep Is An Easy Way to Improve Everything Else

If you’re like most parents that I know, you could stand to improve your sleep.

If you want to have more mental and emotional control, try improving your sleep.

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#077 How To Sleep Better For You and Your Teen!

#076 How To Regain Parental Control!

Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can stop fear, anger, and anxiety in their tracks.

“I Feel Like I’m Losing Control!”

One of the things that I hear the most from parents is, . . .

. . . “I feel like I’m losing control!”

The next thing they tell me is, . . .

. . . “I don’t know what to do!”

If you’re like most parents, you’ve probably experienced this before and felt completely out of control and lost as to what to do about it.

If you’re like most parents, this probably leads to fighting, arguing, and power struggling with your teen, and it’s NO FUN AT ALL!

One of the hardest things about raising a teenager is realizing that you can’t control what you used to control.

And to be honest, this is a hard transition for your teen too.

They’re realizing that YOU CAN’T control everything. They’re starting to learn that THEY are responsible for what they can control.

The problem is, if you’re like most parents, you’re trying to control things that are actually outside of your control.

The Problem Is You’re Trying To Control What You Can’t Control

Trying to control things outside of your control is one of the biggest mistakes parents make.

The biggest problem with this is that your focus is on things outside of your control, positioning you as the victim.

When you focus on things outside of your control, you lose focus of the things that you actually can control.

If you’ve ever said, . . . “I feel like I’m losing control!” . . .

. . . It’s because you are trying to control things that are outside of your control.

When you try to control things outside of your control you feel out of control and lost, which is why you’re probably thinking, “I don’t know what to do!”

One of my clients jokingly accused me of being a broken record. She said, “I know what you’re going to say . . . ‘You’re focused on things outside of your control’.”

She was 100% right. That’s exactly what I was going to say, and she was right about focusing on things outside of her control.

What You Can and Cannot Control

One of the most basic and yet powerful exercises that I have parents do is to create a T-Chart identifying what they Can and Cannot control.

Once you identify the things outside of your control, you can LET THEM GO!

Once you let go of things outside of your control, you can now re-focus that energy on things within your control.

Here are some examples of things you CANNOT control:

  • Your teenager,
  • Their thoughts, feelings, actions, and results,
  • Their choices with friends,
  • Their friends,
  • Their grades,
  • Their values,
  • Their beliefs,
  • Your spouse and how they parent,
  • What your teen thinks or says about you, themselves, and/or others

Here are some examples of things you CAN control:

  • YOU,
  • Some of your thoughts and feelings,
  • Your actions and results
  • Your choices,
  • Your response to their choice of friends,
  • Your response to their grades,
  • Your values,
  • Your beliefs,
  • Your thoughts about your spouse and how they parent,
  • How you connect with your teen no matter what your teen thinks or says about you, themselves, and/or others

When you can discern between what you CAN and CANNOT control you will have more power to let go of things outside of your control.

How To Regain Control

The only way to regain control is to let go of things outside of your control and control ONLY what is within your control.

This gives you back a sense of control because you let go of all the things that you cannot control.

This gives you a sense of control because you gain even more control over the things that you actually can control.

All of your energy previously spent on things outside of your control can now be redirected and spent on the things that you actually can control.

This is freaking POWERFUL!

How to Control Only What You Can Control!

  1. Gain Awareness! What CAN you and what CAN’T you control?
  • Awareness ALWAYS comes first!
  • Start to understand what you can and cannot control.
  • Be aware of things outside of your control that you try to control.
  • This takes practice and time, but it’s totally worth it.

2. Practice letting go of what you CANNOT control!

  • This one hard, but once you get it’s a total GAME CHANGER!
  • Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.
  • Just commit to practicing letting go every day.
  • It will become more and more natural.
  • You’ll start to find that things ALWAYS turn out okay.
  • You’ll start to TRUST that things ALWAYS turn out okay.

3. Give what you CAN control your energy and attention!

  • As you let go of the things outside of your control, you will find you have more energy and attention for the things you can control.
  • As you set your intention and practice this you will gain more power.
  • Look for new things to let go of.
  • Find new things within your control.

4. Trust that others are DOING THEIR BEST!

  • This go hand in hand with #2.
  • Trusting that others are doing their best will help you let go.
  • Trusting that everything will be okay will help you let go.

5. Trust that YOU are DOING YOUR BEST!

  • You don’t have to be perfect.
  • I’ve been studying and practicing this for years, and I still find myself holding onto things I can’t control.
  • I’m still gaining more and more awareness.
  • I’m still finding new things to let go of.
  • I’m still finding ways to control only what I can control.

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