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by Ben | Nov 11, 2021 | Podcast
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can stop fear, anger, and anxiety in their tracks.
“Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.”
~ Timothy Miller
I Love November!
I LOVE November!!
I love Halloween, which is the day before November.
I love Thanksgiving, and I love when my birthday falls on Thanksgiving.
I love the fall, the leaves, the cool/changing weather, and I love everything about November.
And, I especially love the focus and extra push when it comes to gratitude, appreciation, and giving thanks.
The Power Of Gratitude
I believe that gratitude is a simple, yet powerful emotion.
There are some positive emotions that some people struggle to experience. Some people have a hard time getting to compassion and love, but gratitude seems to be a positive emotion that most people can experience fairly easily and consistently.
I believe that gratitude is a super emotion. It has the power to stop other negative emotions dead in their tracks.
Let me give you an example.
A while ago, I was trying to talk to my son who was talking on the phone. He “sh”d me.
I was annoyed and continued trying to talk to him. He yelled at me to “Shut up!”
I was a little more annoyed until my wife took his side and said, “Benjamin, leave him alone. He’s on the phone.”
Then I was MAD!
I was livid. I thought, “She was supposed to take my side.”
I’ve trained myself to have warning bells that go off in my head when I experience anger, and I realized what was going on.
Instantly I chose to think, “It’s kind of great that my son has a mother that is willing to take my son’s side.”
I remembered how frustrating it was as a teen when my parents would gang up on me.
All of the sudden, I felt GRATITUDE!
I felt gratitude for my wife, how she was BEing as my son’s mom, and I was grateful for her and my son.
Gratitude stopped my anger right in its tracks.
In an instant, I went from being livid, to being grateful and appreciative for my wife and son.
Gratitude is a super emotion!
Gratitude as a Feeling
Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.
It is created by our thoughts.
It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.
Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.
Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.
We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.
When I’m grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.
Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.
Gratitude as a Way of BEing
Gratitude can be more than a simple feeling.
Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It’s a choice.
I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably caught yourself being ungrateful.
If you’re like most people, when you’re ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.
It’s okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It’s part of being human and being a parent.
BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!
AND, I promise . . .
Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!
How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!
- Set your Intention Early and Every day!
- This has been powerful in my life!
- When I get up, I set my intention for the day.
- I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.
- This takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.
2. Practice BEing Grateful Daily.
- This one goes right along with #1, once you’ve set you intention, simply practice!
- Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.
- Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.
- It will become more and more natural.
3. See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.
- As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.
- See how BEing grateful impacts your life.
- Look for new and more things to be grateful for.
- Find new ways to be grateful.
4. Keep a Gratitude Journal.
- Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.
- Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.
- This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.
- It’s fun to look back on things you were grateful for.
5. Share Your Gratitude with Others.
- You can’t make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.
- Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.
- This may help others see things that they are grateful for.
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership! The price is getting ready to go up, and we’re making it better than ever!
![#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!]()
by Ben | Nov 19, 2020 | Podcast
Managing your emotions means being aware of them, accepting them, and allowing them. When you can do that, you gain power and control over your emotions.
“Emotional adulthood is recognizing that all of your feelings are caused by your thoughts.”
~ Brooke Castillo
Managing your emotions is POWERFUL!
Last week we talked about the power of managing YOUR OWN emotions.
We discussed how it is an opportunity for you as a parent to turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments.
We talked about how managing your emotions will help you connect with your teen, teach by example, and be intentional in the way you parent. Today I wanted to dig in a little deeper and discuss How to Manage Your Emotions.
3 A’s to help with emotion.
- Awareness
- This one is huge!
- Many parents are not truly aware of how or what they are feeling. They simply know that they don’t like what they are feeling.
- Increase your awareness of what the feeling is and where you experience the emotion.
- I know that anxiety for me is a tightness in my neck and upper chest.
- When I feel anxious, I tend to focus on what can go wrong.
- Anger is a tense sensation in my chest and my face.
- When I’m angry I have a hard time thinking. I hyper-focus on what I’m angry about and can’t let it go.
- Explore what thoughts lead to the emotion.
- Acceptance
- Again, this one is HUGE!
- So many parents judge themselves and their emotions.
- They think, “Anger is bad,” or “I shouldn’t be mad.”
- They make it mean something about themselves like, “I’m a bad parent because I am so mad.”
- Emotions just mean that you are human.
- Allow it
- I would even go so far as to embrace it.
- Stop trying to change it.
- Stop trying to push it away.
- Stop trying to ignore it.
These three A’s go hand in hand. Getting better at one of them will help you do the others better.
This takes practice.
Don’t expect to be perfect, or think you should be doing better. Those are judgements, just allow the emotions as they are, accept them for what they are, and become more aware of them.
Think of a beachball.
Imagine yourself trying to hold a beachball under water.
How much effort would that take?
Now, imaging the beachball trying to rise to the surface. Keep mentally pushing that beachball down. What color is the ball? How big is it?
Often times we treat out emotions like pushing a beachball under water. It takes lots of effort, it makes it hard to really see the beachball, and it just keeps trying to come to the surface.
When we allow the metaphorical beachball, our emotions, to sit on the surface we can then become more aware of them and more intentional.
Use the model to manage your emotions.
- Do some work in the thought line:
- Explore what thoughts are creating your emotions.
- What do you think about experiencing negative emotions?
- Why am I thinking this?
- Do some work in the feeling line:
- How does it feel?
- How would I describe it?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- Do some work in the action line:
- How do I act when I feel this way?
- How do I want to act when I feel this way?
- Look at your results.
- What results are you currently getting?
- What results would you like to get?
- What are you willing to feel in connection with your desired result?
Call to ACTION!
Join my group coaching program if you’d like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you’ll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
- 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
- Monthly training
- 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
- Monthly Guest Expert Call
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
![#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!]()
by Ben | Nov 12, 2020 | Podcast
When we can manage our own emotions, “tough” parenting moments become powerful opportunities for us to love and connect with our teens and teach by our example.
“Emotional adulthood is recognizing that all of your feelings are caused by your thoughts.”
~ Brooke Castillo
Emotionally Intentional Parenting is POWERFUL!
Some parenting experts say, “You’ve got to parent WITHOUT emotion.”
I think that idea is SO WRONG! Our teens don’t want to be parented by robots. they want parents who are emotionally invested. Rather than parenting without emotion, we need to parent with intention and control when it comes to our emotions.
Most of people in the world think that how they feel is based on their circumstances.
YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parenting moments into opportunities for connection, love, and learning.
Understanding the model (explained in episode 007), Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results can help us process challenging parenting moments.
We can use the model to learn from our past, plan for the future, and show up intentionally in the present.
Flight or Fight CANCELS Learning
We limit our teen’s ability to learn when we trigger their amygdala.
When’s the last time you got yelled at?
What did you do?
How did you feel?
Chances are that you, even as an adult, went into Fight, Flight, or Freeze mode.
Fear, anxiety, shame, and embarrassment do not foster positive learning environments.
When we lose emotional control, this often leads to actions such as yelling, arguing, and fighting. This often triggers our teens’ amygdala, the primitive part of the brain that is responsible for our fight or flight (survival) response.
No matter how badly you want to yell, scream, throw things, hit or any action done out of emotional control, this will only shut down your teen’s ability to learn and process, and it will make it hard for you to connect with them.
Opportunity to Model Desired Behavior
Human beings are herd animals. We like to function as a herd. As part of this, we are really good at reading other’s emotions and mirroring them back to them.
This is part of the reason that being emotionally intentional will change EVERYTHING! As the parent, you are the leader of the back. Your teens are mirroring your behaviors on some level. If you want them to show up calm in tough situations, show them what you’d like it to look like by showing up that way yourself.
Our actions are way louder than our words.
Demonstrating emotional control in tough parenting moments will teach your teen that #1 It is possible to be in control even when your upset, and #2 that, this is how I want you to act.
Take Away: Turn Challenging Moments into Opportunities
YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parenting moments into opportunities for connection, love, and learning.
Most parents are simply reactive in challenging parenting moments. This leads to parents taking actions out of fear, shame, frustration and anger, and self-doubt.
Knowing that challenging parenting moments are opportunities will help you be proactive and intentional, rather than simply reactional. You will be able to choose what you think in the moment, how you feel, what action you take, and what result you want to achieve.
Call to ACTION!
Join my group coaching program if you’d like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you’ll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
- 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
- Monthly training
- 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
- Monthly Guest Expert Call
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen’s life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
![#074 Gratitude Makes Everything Better!]()
by Ben | Sep 3, 2020 | Podcast
What is Shame, and How is It Impacting Your Life?
“We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous.” ~Brené Brown
What is Shame?
“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brené Brown
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown
Shame drives parents and teens apart and creates a belief that you’re not good enough.
- Emotion
- It’s a feeling caused by a thought (conscious or unconscious)
- It goes hand in hand with our personal narrative, inner dialogue, the stories we tell ourselves.
- When we feel shame, we believe there is something wrong with us.
- We start to look at ourselves negatively.
- Action
- We look at others negatively.
- We try to manipulate their emotions negatively.
- We assume that there’s a better way.
- And that they should be doing better.
- “You should have…”
- “You should …”
- “You need …”
- “You’re not ____ enough.”
- “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
- Culture
- How we look at things that are different from ourselves, our expectations, or our desired outcomes.
- We see shame in:
- Politics
- Religion
- Race
- Sports
- Education
- It’s our mindsets and belief
- Right vs. Wrong
- Good vs. Evil
- Normal vs. Abnormal
- Superior vs. Inferior
- It’s a way to push agendas, social conformity, and it often lifts one group above another.
What Can We Do About Shame?
- Our own emotion vs. someone else’s emotion
- Allow the shame.
- Explore the shame.
- Often we want to push it away.
- Ignoring it or pushing it to others with blaming.
- We hide, get mad, or buffer.
- The only way to process the emotion is to allow it.
- Become aware of our own shame.
- Understand why we are feeling shame. What are the thoughts causing it?
- Question the thoughts. Why do I think that?
- Become intentional about your own shame.
- Think on purpose.
- Practice allowing, awareness, and intentionality.
- The action of shaming
- “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” ~Brené Brown
- When you do it.
- Become aware of it.
- When do you do it?
- What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking?
- Act intentionally.
- When others do it.
- Realize that you CANNOT change them.
- Choose whether or not to believe their thoughts.
- No one can make you feel shame.
- People can “shame” you, but you don’t have to feel shame.
- Don’t shame back.
- Culture of shame.
- Embrace everyone as equality valuable
- Think in terms of right AND wrong, instead of right OR wrong.
- Strive to understand
- Trust that everyone is doing their best!
- Trust that you are doing your best.
You CANNOT Change Others, BUT You CAN Be The Change You Are Looking For!
You can’t change others, but YOU CAN change yourself.
We are all guilty of shaming people. It’s okay, let’s just commit to moving forward and becoming more intentional.
Trust that YOU ARE doing your best. And, give EVERYONE else the same benefit.
If you haven’t yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.
- Join the FREE Facebook Group
- Join other parents just like you and get the support that you’ve been looking for.
- Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
- These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
- Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!
