If you want to help your family thrive, you need to be thriving!
The Biggest Mistake
I get it!
Everyone wants a happy thriving family.
But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves.
The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life.
The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life.
Stop trying to fix everyone around you and go to work on your own personal growth.
If you want to go from being frustrated and fighting with your teens over screen time, chores, and how you should be more like their friends’ parents, focus on these 3 simple things:
Identity and who YOU want to BE.
Connection and YOUR relationships with self and others.
Growth and YOUR personal practice and development.
If you shift your focus to these 3 things, you will find that you have a more clearly defined purpose, deeper relationships with others, and a drive and determination to grow into the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Identity
Who do YOU Want To BE?
Most parents have never really taken the time to think about this.
However, if you are like most parent, you can probably think back to a time when you had a clear idea of who you wanted to be as a parent.
For me, there was a time when I was in trouble with my parents.
If felt unlistened to, unheard, and I felt they were treating my unfairly.
I distinctly remember thinking, “When I’m a dad, I’m going to be fair. And, I’m going to listen. And, I’m going to be nice.”
Most parents have lost sight of any vision that they might have had for themselves and have reverted to simply parenting in reaction/survival mode.
I want to invite you to take some time to DEFINE your vision for yourself.
Who do YOU want to BE?
Explore that.
If you look back at my first 5 episodes, you’ll notice that the first 2 challenges were all about identity.
If you want to go from struggling as a family, take some time to define YOUR identity.
Connection
How is YOUR Relationship with yourself and others?
What most people don’t understand about relationships is that your relationships with others are simply reflections of your own relationship with yourself.
Want to improve your relationship with others, maybe a teen, spouse, or parent?
You’ve got to first improve your connection and relationship with yourself.
The problem is, if you’re like most people, you’ve learned to treat others with kindness, but that it’s okay to treat yourself like garbage.
If you’ve ever berated yourself in your head, or even out loud, or if you constantly think mean thoughts about yourself, these are indicators that your individual connection and relationship with yourself are struggling.
There is immense power in connecting to yourself and embracing that connection rather than trying to fight it or silence it with self-doubt and self-loathing.
YOU are powerful. YOU are amazing. And, YOU are exactly where and how you are “supposed” to be.
You can’t get to where you want to be without first BEing right where you are!
Take some time to appreciate where you are and what it’s taken to get there.
Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and gifts.
There are special things about you that no one else has.
Start believing in yourself.
Start loving yourself.
Start BEing the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
You cannot give to others what you do not have for yourself.
Want a better connection and relationship with others?
Develop a better connection and relationship with yourself first!
Growth
Where can YOU (and want to) practice and develop.
Sure, I could get better at ballroom dance and country swing, but I don’t really want to. Sorry Deb.
I do want to get better at disc golf, basketball, public speaking, entrepreneurship, and being the best husband and father that I can be.
There’s power in being willing to grow and develop.
It takes a certain humility and vulnerability, but it also takes courage and determination.
If you want to thrive as a parent, grow!
Look at plants; when they are growing, they are thriving.
Look at children. One of the things that doctors look for to know if children are thriving is growth patterns.
If you want a thriving family, . . .
If you want individual members of your family to thrive, . . .
. . . You need to grow!
It’s okay to be imperfect.
It’s okay to have room for improvement.
That’s the purpose of life.
Commit to BEing your best by practicing and developing.
When life and parenting is tough, just realize that you are doing some serious growing, and that’s okay.
Sometimes when life gets tough, that’s just life’s way of showing you areas where there’s room for improvement.
That’s okay.
Putting It All Together: Identity, Connection, AND Growth
One mistake that I see is when people focus on just one or two of these steps.
They understand who they want to be (identity) and they have good relationships with themselves and others (connection), but they aren’t growing (growth), and they feel stuck and stagnant.
I’ve seen people with great relationships (connections), and they’re working hard to grow and be the best they can be, but without an identity they feel lost and confused.
Maybe you’re growing, and you know exactly who you want to be (identity) but without a relationship with yourself it’s hard to connect with others.
And without some self-love, it’s hard to go through the discomfort of growth, and it’s hard to be someone you don’t like.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
Everyone want’s to change, but most people aren’t committed to changing!
You’re Not Committed
I’ll be honest with you. This topic is on the forefront of my mind lately.
I’m trying to make some changes in my own life, and it’s been a struggle.
I’m making some changes with my physical health, and at times it’s been physically difficult and emotionally difficult.
One of the things that I’ve noticed is that my commitment to change has it’s ups and downs.
Some days I’m all in, 100% committed.
I feel motivated and it feels kind of easy.
And then the very next day, all motivation is out the window, and I’m only committed if there are not major temptations.
Some of the questions I’ve been exploring lately are?
Why am I not committed to this?
What AM I committed to?
What do I WANT to be committed to?
Why DO I want to commit to this?
Have you ever heard the quote, “It’s easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time,.” by Clayton Christensen?
This is the principle of commitment. It’s easier to be 100% committed than 98% committed.
If you’re struggling to commit, to be committed, work on getting their mentally.
For me, it helps to explore WHY I want to be committed.
I’m committed to being healthy because I want to be a healthy example to my kids.
I want to be healthy because I want to live a long and quality life with my family.
I want to be healthy so I can whoop up on my kids in sports.
Find your why and commit to it!
You’re Not Making Daily Progress
It sounds simple, but momentum builds momentum.
If you’re anything like me, one of the things that holds you back from making the changes you want to make is a lack of momentum.
It’s hard starting from zero, or negative $50,000, or plus 65 lbs.
Building momentum is a daily process, and the best way to build momentum is to make daily progress.
If you’ve been struggling to make the change you want to make, do these 2 simple things:
Start today and do something small.
Make a small and simple plan to do it again tomorrow.
Momentum builds momentum!
Start building momentum.
Continue building momentum.
BE an unstoppable force, constantly moving ever closer to your desired change.
You Don’t Have The Support You Need
Most people try to create change all on their own.
I get it.
You might be ashamed that you’ve let yourself get where you are today.
You might be embarrassed and trying to hide.
You might not believe that you can make the change you want.
Whatever your reason for doing it alone, you DON’T have to do it alone.
Get the support you need.
Inside of our Firmly Founded Family membership, we’ve seen countless parents and teens who have tried everything on their own, but once they got the help they needed, change was easy.
When you build a community around you, you get some huge benefits, like:
Accountability
Support
Different Perspectives
Friends
Examples of New Possibilities
Get the support you need, and start creating real change in your life.
You’re Old Ways Are Benefiting You
We do what we think benefits us.
Your habits and patterns are designed to continue getting you the old benefit that the original action, the start of the habit, once got you.
If you’re having a hard time making a change, explore these questions:
How is this benefiting me?
What benefit do I get from this?
Why did I want this benefit?
How is this no longer benefiting me?
How would it benefit me to change?
One of the things that I like to do is to eat delicious food until I’m stuffed.
How does this benefit me?
It makes me feel good. It helps me relax.
Why did I want this benefit.
I learned to buffer with good food from a young age. It’s my family’s love language.
How is this no longer benefiting me?
It’s making me fat. It keeps me from being athletic and dominating my sons in basketball.
How would it benefit me to change?
I’d lose weight, be healthier, and dominate my kids in sports.
Now I can choose between two different benefits. Do I want to relax and feel good thanks to food and at the expense of my health, or do I want to lose weight, be healthy and dominate my kids in sports?
I want to choose the latter result.
It’s Part Of Your Identity
It’s really hard to go against your identity.
This is one of the reasons it’s so hard for smokers to quit. They identify as “Smokers”.
It’s easy to identify as your old self or your old habits, but it’s not helpful.
Just because you like food, or you’ve struggled to lose weight doesn’t mean you’re a “foodie” or an addict.
Just because you’ve yelled at your kids doesn’t make you a “yeller.”
Part of what holds you back from making the change you want to make is seeing yourself as you are, or as you used to be, but not being able to see yourself for who you are becoming.
Want to make a powerful change?
Than shift your identity.
Start BEing that dream version of yourself today.
See where you are right now, and create the story in your mind of how it connects to where you want to be.
You’re Making It Harder Than It Needs To Be
Sometimes we make change harder than it needs to be.
Explore how the change you want to make can actually be easy.
I’ve had clients that after exploring how their change could actually be easy found that it actually was easy.
One client wanting to quit eating certain foods realized that it is actually easier to not buy them than it is to buy them.
It cost less money, took less trips to the store, and made her life healthier and easier.
Don’t fall into the trap of making your change harder than it has to be simply because it’s hard for others, or you thought it would be hard.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
Listen to the signals in your life that are pushing you towards growth.
#1 You’re Not Happy With Yourself As A Parent
This one is huge.
Recently I’ve had a bunch of parents tell me that they’re just not happy as a parent. They feel like they could and should be doing more. They feel like they’re failing, and they are miserable.
Okay, maybe miserable is a stretch, but they’re not happy.
There are lots of things that can cause unhappiness as a parenting. The important thing to understand is that this isn’t “bad” or a problem.
It’s simply a warning or a notification that something is off and not how you want it to be.
Once you recognize this, you have the power to gain some more awareness and address how you feel and how you are showing up as a parent.
#2 You Don’t Like Your Teen
Okay, this is another one that I’ve heard a lot recently. Honestly, what I coach people on often drives my podcast.
You don’t have to like your teen.
Not liking your teen doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible parent.
But, if you’re like me, you probably don’t like how it feels when you don’t like your teen.
Also if you’re like me, you probably don’t like how you parent when you don’t like your teen.
If this is you, and you don’t like your teen as much as you’d like, this is simply an indicator of an area for growth.
#3 You Feel Like Your Out of Control
If you feel like you’re out of control, you’re almost certainly trying to control things and others outside of your control.
If you are like many of the parents inside the Firmly Founded Family membership, you are probably guilty of focusing on things outside of your control from time to time.
Maybe you want to make your teen come home on time, or maybe you want to change the way your teen treats others in the family, and nothing seems to change them, and the more you fight and argue, the more you feel out of control.
Good news, the simple reason why is that you are focusing on things outside of your control.
This too is an indication of a potential area of growth.
#4 You’re Parenting Out of Alignment with Your Core Values
One of my favorite lessons that I teach is on values.
I LOVE understanding how values impact my life, my clients lives, and your life.
If you are unhappy, it’s probably because you are out of alignment with your values somewhere.
I see this in parenting when parents trying to parent according to what other’s think they should be doing.
I see this when parents try to parent according to their teens values, or their parents values.
If you feel like you do all the bending, or that you teen walks all over you, or that you don’t have effective boundaries, you might want to take a look at your values and find ways to parent in alignment with those values.
#5 You Can’t Communicate with Your Teen
If you and your teen can’t communicate, there’s a problem. Often times when parents tell me that they can’t communicate with their teen, it’s because they are trying to avoid a blowup or temper tantrum.
This means you’re focusing on things outside of your control.
It’s not your job to regulate how your teen thinks, feels, or acts.
Make the effort to communicate with your teen in the way that you feel most comfortable.
For me, it’s relaxed, calm, and reassuring.
Even when I’m mad, and we “need to have a tough conversations,” I try to be relaxed, calm, and reassuring.
Even if I can’t perfectly do that, I still commit to having the conversation.
#6 You Constantly Overwhelmed, Stress, and Worried
Overwhelm, stress, and worry will impact all of your relationship, whether it be with your teen, spouse, or friends or family.
If you constantly feel overwhelmed, stressed, and worried, this is an indicator that you have areas of potential growth.
#7 You’re Not Creating the Results that You Want
Ultimately, if you are not creating the results that you want in your family or in your relationship with your teen, you have room for growth.
Your results will always reflect your way’s of BEing. Want better results, up-level your parenting!
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Family Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams building a rock-solid family TODAY!
Doors to the Firmly Founded Family Membership will be closing soon.
