I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.
In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but they are the things that the parents who I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.
So, over the next several episodes, you’ll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.
And, I’m going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you.
Parenting Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
One of the things that I hear all of the time is that “parenting teens is hard.”
Here’s the thing, parenting teens does not have to be hard.
That is a lie.
In fact, parenting teens can be simple, fun, and super easy.
If you find yourself believing that parenting teens is hard, I want you to explore, “What’s so hard about it?”
If you’re like many parents, it’s because you are trying to change your teen.
And, I believe that the hardest thing to do as a parent is to change your teen.
The reason this is so hard is because it’s impossible.
You cannot change your teen.
Sure, they can change, and it might even be because you asked them to, or grounded them, or got all crazy with them.
But still, YOU cannot change your teen.
And, if you think parenting is hard, it might be because you are trying to change them.
BE the Change
So, here’s the secret.
Quit trying to change your teen and simply BE THE CHANGE you want to see in your teen.
BOOM!
Mic drop.
The END!
This one thing will change EVERYTHING!
I love identifying the ONE THING that will change everything because it makes your job more simple.
You don’t have to do everything to create change.
Just do the one thing.
Change Happens from the INSIDE OUT
I promise you, if you stop trying to change things outside of yourself and start changing yourself, you’ll be amazed at how much things outside of you change.
Now, here’s a warning . . .
. . . NEVER change with the intention of getting someone else to change.
You’ll always be disappointed and disempowered.
Simply change for YOU.
BE The Change You Want To See In Your Teen (or even your spouse).
Your Change will Connect You with Your Teen
Something powerful will happen when you start BEing the change you want to see in your teen.
It will help you connect with your teen.
It will magically improve your relationship with your teen.
You’ll find yourself doing fewer things that are disconnective, like criticizing, trying to change them, and trying to control them.
You’ll also find that you are more empowered and impactful as a parent.
Each day practice being the parent of your dreams.
My Top Ten Daily Habits for Parenting Success
Set Your Intention Each Day
Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.
First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention.
Here’s some examples from my life.
Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love.
Today I will develop awareness around my emotions.
Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged with my children.
Today I will learn a new way to connect with my 15 year old son.
Commit to Connection Daily
Be 100% committed to connect to your teen.
Choose to love your teen.
Show them that you love them.
Show them that you are confident that they will be okay.
Let them know that you trust that EVERYTHING will be okay.
Connect with them right where they are.
Stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren’t mad and that you love and care about them.
Embrace the Moment
Far too often we are guilty of not being present.
Don’t try to avoid the moment.
Don’t try to fix, change, or improve it.
BE IN THE MOMENT.
Be in the moment WITH your teen!
Manage Your Mind
I like to use the Self-Coaching Model
I also like to use the Be, Do, Have Model.
I am starting to get into journaling and writing.
Sharing what I’ve learned with others.
Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
This one is HUGE for me this year.
Trust will change everything.
You are exactly what your teen need, they are exactly what you need and want, and the process you two are experiencing is exactly what you need.
Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
This is hard, but so powerful.
When you hold onto things outside of your control, you lose power and energy.
When you let go, you have more power and energy to put towards things within your control.
Let go of your teen’s model and manage your own!
Practice, Practice, Practice
One of my favorite lessons, and one I came up with myself, is the “Wheel of Time.”
When you’re on the top of the wheel, practice and prepare for when you are on the bottom.
When you’re on the bottom of the wheel, just keep going and do your best to do what you practiced at the top of the wheel.
Life is all about practice and improvement.
It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect.
Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
One of the things that divides parents and teens is when one or both of them are committed to being “Right!”
Be willing to be wrong.
Let your teen be “Right!”
Be willing to make mistakes.
Be the example of what to do when you make mistakes.
Be The Change You Want to See
This is one of my favorite saying and teachings.
If you want your teen to be something else, YOU Be that change!
If you want your teen to be more confident, YOU Be more confident in both your teen and yourself.
Play to Your Strengths
Last but not least, play to your strengths.
Yes, you have weaknesses, and if you’re listening to this podcast you probably want to address your weaknesses, but trust your strengths.
God gave you strengths that are unique to you.
Trust them and use them!
CALL TO ACTION!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
Come join an amazing community of parents in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
When you commit to BEing the change, you become the your own HERO!
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
YOU Have the Power to BE the Change
Most parents, in fact, most human beings, go around blaming others for things that they want to change.
They position themselves as the victim in life and in the stories they tell themselves.
You have the power to create change, when you are willing to be the change you are looking for. When you stop trying to change others, you change YOU!
3 Reasons Why Being the Change Is SO Powerful
#1 You Become the Hero!
When you commit to BEing the change, you become the hero of your own life. You become the hero in your mind and in the stories that you tell yourself. As the hero, you become empowered and capable of being the change.
#2 You Focus On ONLY What You CAN Control!
BEing the change shifts your focus from all of the many, many, things outside of your control to the very few things that you can actually control. Now, rather than wasting energy and attention on things outside of your control, you are focusing your energy and efforts on things that are actually within your control.
#3 You Become a Powerful Example!
BEing the change, positions you as an example. By BEing the change, you model the way of BEing and behaving that you would like others to adopt. Who you are and what you do speaks so much louder than what you say.
BEing the Change & Inside-Out vs Outside-In
OUTSIDE-IN
Most people try to change things outside of themselves hoping it will change something within themselves. They focus on things outside of themselves and outside of their control, like getting their teen to change or get better grades or have a better attitude, thinking this will change something inside of themselves, like how they think, feel, and/or act.
One of my clients recently realized that when she tries to change things from the outside in, she goes into “Control Freak Mode.” Her words, not mine.
When you focus on things outside of your control, you position yourself as the victim in your life and in the stories you tell about yourself. This makes you dependent upon others changing so you can be happy.
INSIDE-OUT
This means changing things on the inside of you, trusting it will change things on the outside.
To do this, you have to let go of your desired results and trust that changing YOU is enough. Your desired results might be for your teen to get better grades, stop looking at porn, or to be kinder to others. You cannot control those outcomes, but you can control how you think about it, feel about it, and act in response.
When you focus on the few things within your control, for example, how you think, how you feel, and how you act, you gain power over those things.
When you focus on the things within your control, you become empowered. You become the hero of your life and the hero of the stories you tell yourself.
When you change from the inside out, you will start to see that things outside of your control begin to change as they are impacted by YOUR internal change.
For example, I can’t tell you how many times clients have told me that everything has changed in their family, simply because they changed. Sometimes because of their change, their teens have been open for coaching. Sometimes their teens start acting kinder and trying harder at school.
Powerful Questions Facilitate Change
The quality of the questions you are willing to ask yourself will determine the quality of your results. Ask yourself quality questions every day!
Most people are unwilling to ask and/or answer quality questions, and when they are confronted with powerful questions, most people give the easy answer, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know”, simply means, “I’m not willing to figure this out right now.”
Join my FREE Be the Change Training to access the worksheet with some powerful questions to help you get started on BEing the change from the INSIDE-OUT!
Get in the habit of exploring these and similar questions EVERY DAY!
Call to ACTION!
I’m getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact: Parenting Transformation. And I want YOU to help me make it the best program ever.
Leading up to the launch I’m offering a Free 3 Day Live Be the Change Parent Training Aug. 2nd, 5th, and 9th @ 2PM MDT.
This free training started on Monday, but when you register, you will get access to the replays and the next live trainings.
Register for the 3 Day Live Be the Change Training by clicking the link below.
Most parents fall into the trap of trying to change things from the outside in, this leaves them powerless.
“Most people think money will make them happy. When in reality, being happy makes you money.” ~ Jim Fortin
Times I’ve Tried to Change From the Outside In.
I’ve got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in.
Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son’s basketball tournament, I tried to change something from the outside in.
I wanted my son to go to summer football workouts the next morning and he didn’t want to. I tried to change his mind. I tried to help him see that he was missing out on an opportunity to show up when tons of his teammates will be missing football due to the previous late night.
I tried to help him see that this would be a powerful moment for him to demonstrate his commitment to football to his team and his coaches.
I wanted to change him, how he was showing up in football, and I was losing this battle.
I was totally trying to change something outside of myself, hoping it would change something inside of myself.
I thought, if I could just get him to go to football, he’d be a better football player, he’d dominate the game, everyone would know that my offspring is superior in the sport of football, and I’d be proud!
Inside Out vs Outside In
Most people try to change things from the outside in.
In parenting you might try to change your teen, your spouse, or your teen’s choices, all so you can feel better inside.
When it comes to health, you might try to change your exercise routine, your diet, or your doctor, all so you can be healthier on the inside.
When it comes to wealth, you might try to work extra hours, get a new job or win the lottery, all so that on the inside you can enjoy the benefits of wealth.
The problem is, these are all efforts to change something on the outside so you can experience change on the inside.
Often times when you try to change things outside of yourself, you are focusing on things that you cannot control.
The most powerful way to change is from the inside out!
In PARENTING, rather that trying to change your spouse or teen so you can feel peace and confidence, YOU can BE THE CHANGE! Change how YOU Think, Feel, and Act. These are all internal changes. Change YOU and how you are BEing.
When it comes to health, change who you are on the inside. I AM HEALTHY! Then, live from that place. As a healthy person, . . . I only eat food that fuels my body, . . . I enjoy regular vigorous activity.
See how the change starts from the inside and then radiates outward?
When it comes to wealth, choose to be wealthy. Choose to be generous and helpful. Choose to be intentional with your money. These all start on the inside.
How to Change from the Inside Out
Step #1
As is the case so often, the first step is awareness. WHERE AM I TRYING TO CHANGE FROM THE OUTSIDE->IN?
Discover the areas where you are trying to change from the outside in. Understand why you want to make these changes, how you would feel, and what you would make it mean for you.
Explore the things outside of your control that you are trying to control.
Ask yourself, “Who do I want to BE to achieve this change?”
Step #2
Start BEing the change you are looking for internally with your thoughts and feelings.
Identify the thoughts that don’t serve you and shift your focus to thoughts that do.
Anytime you are looking for change, you want change because of how you think it will make you feel. Practice feeling that feeling NOW! Let that feeling fuel your actions.
Step #3
Practice!
Practice when it’s easy. Practice when it’s hard.
Practice BEing the change you are looking for.
Practice shifting your focus from the many things outside of your control to the few things within your control.
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
