When you commit to BEing the change, you become the your own HERO!
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
YOU Have the Power to BE the Change
Most parents, in fact, most human beings, go around blaming others for things that they want to change.
They position themselves as the victim in life and in the stories they tell themselves.
You have the power to create change, when you are willing to be the change you are looking for. When you stop trying to change others, you change YOU!
3 Reasons Why Being the Change Is SO Powerful
#1 You Become the Hero!
When you commit to BEing the change, you become the hero of your own life. You become the hero in your mind and in the stories that you tell yourself. As the hero, you become empowered and capable of being the change.
#2 You Focus On ONLY What You CAN Control!
BEing the change shifts your focus from all of the many, many, things outside of your control to the very few things that you can actually control. Now, rather than wasting energy and attention on things outside of your control, you are focusing your energy and efforts on things that are actually within your control.
#3 You Become a Powerful Example!
BEing the change, positions you as an example. By BEing the change, you model the way of BEing and behaving that you would like others to adopt. Who you are and what you do speaks so much louder than what you say.
BEing the Change & Inside-Out vs Outside-In
Most people try to change things outside of themselves hoping it will change something within themselves. They focus on things outside of themselves and outside of their control, like getting their teen to change or get better grades or have a better attitude, thinking this will change something inside of themselves, like how they think, feel, and/or act.
One of my clients recently realized that when she tries to change things from the outside in, she goes into “Control Freak Mode.” Her words, not mine.
When you focus on things outside of your control, you position yourself as the victim in your life and in the stories you tell about yourself. This makes you dependent upon others changing so you can be happy.
This means changing things on the inside of you, trusting it will change things on the outside.
To do this, you have to let go of your desired results and trust that changing YOU is enough. Your desired results might be for your teen to get better grades, stop looking at porn, or to be kinder to others. You cannot control those outcomes, but you can control how you think about it, feel about it, and act in response.
When you focus on the few things within your control, for example, how you think, how you feel, and how you act, you gain power over those things.
When you focus on the things within your control, you become empowered. You become the hero of your life and the hero of the stories you tell yourself.
When you change from the inside out, you will start to see that things outside of your control begin to change as they are impacted by YOUR internal change.
For example, I can’t tell you how many times clients have told me that everything has changed in their family, simply because they changed. Sometimes because of their change, their teens have been open for coaching. Sometimes their teens start acting kinder and trying harder at school.
Powerful Questions Facilitate Change
The quality of the questions you are willing to ask yourself will determine the quality of your results. Ask yourself quality questions every day!
Most people are unwilling to ask and/or answer quality questions, and when they are confronted with powerful questions, most people give the easy answer, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know”, simply means, “I’m not willing to figure this out right now.”
Join my FREE Be the Change Training to access the worksheet with some powerful questions to help you get started on BEing the change from the INSIDE-OUT!
Get in the habit of exploring these and similar questions EVERY DAY!
Call to ACTION!
I’m getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact: Parenting Transformation. And I want YOU to help me make it the best program ever.
Leading up to the launch I’m offering a Free 3 Day Live Be the Change Parent Training Aug. 2nd, 5th, and 9th @ 2PM MDT.
This free training started on Monday, but when you register, you will get access to the replays and the next live trainings.
Register for the 3 Day Live Be the Change Training by clicking the link below.
Most parents fall into the trap of trying to change things from the outside in, this leaves them powerless.
“Most people think money will make them happy. When in reality, being happy makes you money.” ~ Jim Fortin
Times I’ve Tried to Change From the Outside In.
I’ve got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in.
Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son’s basketball tournament, I tried to change something from the outside in.
I wanted my son to go to summer football workouts the next morning and he didn’t want to. I tried to change his mind. I tried to help him see that he was missing out on an opportunity to show up when tons of his teammates will be missing football due to the previous late night.
I tried to help him see that this would be a powerful moment for him to demonstrate his commitment to football to his team and his coaches.
I wanted to change him, how he was showing up in football, and I was losing this battle.
I was totally trying to change something outside of myself, hoping it would change something inside of myself.
I thought, if I could just get him to go to football, he’d be a better football player, he’d dominate the game, everyone would know that my offspring is superior in the sport of football, and I’d be proud!
Inside Out vs Outside In
Most people try to change things from the outside in.
In parenting you might try to change your teen, your spouse, or your teen’s choices, all so you can feel better inside.
When it comes to health, you might try to change your exercise routine, your diet, or your doctor, all so you can be healthier on the inside.
When it comes to wealth, you might try to work extra hours, get a new job or win the lottery, all so that on the inside you can enjoy the benefits of wealth.
The problem is, these are all efforts to change something on the outside so you can experience change on the inside.
Often times when you try to change things outside of yourself, you are focusing on things that you cannot control.
The most powerful way to change is from the inside out!
In PARENTING, rather that trying to change your spouse or teen so you can feel peace and confidence, YOU can BE THE CHANGE! Change how YOU Think, Feel, and Act. These are all internal changes. Change YOU and how you are BEing.
When it comes to health, change who you are on the inside. I AM HEALTHY! Then, live from that place. As a healthy person, . . . I only eat food that fuels my body, . . . I enjoy regular vigorous activity.
See how the change starts from the inside and then radiates outward?
When it comes to wealth, choose to be wealthy. Choose to be generous and helpful. Choose to be intentional with your money. These all start on the inside.
How to Change from the Inside Out
As is the case so often, the first step is awareness. WHERE AM I TRYING TO CHANGE FROM THE OUTSIDE->IN?
Discover the areas where you are trying to change from the outside in. Understand why you want to make these changes, how you would feel, and what you would make it mean for you.
Explore the things outside of your control that you are trying to control.
Ask yourself, “Who do I want to BE to achieve this change?”
Start BEing the change you are looking for internally with your thoughts and feelings.
Identify the thoughts that don’t serve you and shift your focus to thoughts that do.
Anytime you are looking for change, you want change because of how you think it will make you feel. Practice feeling that feeling NOW! Let that feeling fuel your actions.
Practice when it’s easy. Practice when it’s hard.
Practice BEing the change you are looking for.
Practice shifting your focus from the many things outside of your control to the few things within your control.
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
You have the power to transform YOUR relationships with others, NO MATTER WHAT!
“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” —Morrie Schwartz, from Tuesdays with Morrie
“Love cures people—both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” —Karl Menninger
YOU Can Be The Change You Want To See!
I know I always say this, but it’s still true! You CAN be the change that you want to see in your teen.
Lately, I’ve done a lot of relationship coaching on with one spouse or another about their relationship with their spouse, or with a mother-in-law, or with a parent. I use the same rules to coach them on these relationships as I use to coach them on their relationship with their teen.
You cannot change your spouse, your mother-in-law, or your parents. If you try, it will only cause contention. Your focus will be on them and their model and not on you or your model. This will put you in the position of the victim and you will have no power to change anything.
Instead, I invite you to explore how YOU can be the change that you want to see in your these relationships.
What Is a Relationship Transformation?
Relationship transformations happen when you change how you think about the other person in the relationship, how you feel towards them, and how you act towards them.
Notice that it DOES NOT require the other person to change or do anything.
How You Think:
How you think about someone dictates how to feel about them and towards them.
Your thoughts are simply the stories in your head that you tell yourself about the other person. Maybe stories like: “They are so selfish,” or “They only think of themselves,” or “They are the ones who should . . .”
The stories you tell yourself about them will determine how you feel about and towards them.
Try stories like: “They are doing their best,” or “I like it when they . . . ” or “I’m grateful for the way they . . . “
This will help create more loving and compassionate stories.
How You Feel:
Again, this is created by what you think. Take a minute and explore how you are feeling towards the other person.
Is it anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, or some other unpleasant emotion?
How would you like to feel towards them, love, compassion, patience, curiosity?
Once you understand how you feel and why (what thoughts are creating those feelings), you can now start to work on feeling the way you want to feel towards them (by intentionally choosing how you think about them).
How You Act:
Your feelings are constantly driving actions and inactions. How are you currently acting towards your loved one?
Are you trying to change them? Are you arguing with them, yelling at them, fighting with them.
How you would you like to act towards them? What would that change for YOU?
Transformations In My Life (From Caterpillar to Butterfly)
I have been blessed to witness powerful transformations in my life.
My brother Jason and I had a really rough relationship. There was a time where he chased me down the driveway, with a sword overhead, intent on killing me. Later as adults, we nearly got in a fistfight over a $20 piece of junk.
One day my brother and me, and our spouses, went to the mountains to get firewood for my parents. I am a hard worker, and I don’t like working with people who don’t work hard because I feel like I’m doing all the work. This day I was blown away by what a hard worker my little brother was. Instantly I started to feel appreciation for him. I was grateful that he was there helping, and I was proud of what a hard worker he was.
Something in our relationship changed. We became best friends. We cared for each other and wanted to serve each other. Our last conversation was an argument over who should take home some yummy leftovers. I wanted him to have them. He wanted me to have them. We just wanted the other to be happy.
Don’t Simply Be a Better Caterpillar, Become a Butterfly
Let yourself completely be transformed. Let your relationships completely change. Stop holding on to old thoughts and beliefs. Let go of the grudges and the negative emotions.
Allow the transformation to happen. You’ll be grateful that you did!