#135 – Your New Habits are More Important than New Year’s Goals!

#135 – Your New Habits are More Important than New Year’s Goals!

One of My Teen Clients Inspired This Episode

I recently had a call with a teenage young man and he wanted help breaking old, bad, habits.

I’m restructuring how I do my 1:1 coaching calls to be less scripted and more conversational, so we basically just had this super powerful conversation about habits.

I really loved the insight that he brought to the coaching call, so I’m going to share what I remember with you and invite you to come join a transformational conversation with me to help you change how you approach habits in your life.

I’m super excited for this conversation because during this time of year, most people over focus on goals, which they usually forget about and fail, and they under focus on habits, which is what they really need to accomplish their New Year’s Goals.

I’m going to invite YOU to join me in a transformational conversation about goals in the future. I’ll tell you more at the end of this podcast,

What Makes Breaking Habits Hard for You?

This is a powerful question to explore for yourself.

Seriously, I invite you to ask yourself, literally say this to yourself out loud, “What makes breaking habits hard for me?”

Let you’re mind explore that.

Gain some serious awareness around that.

When I asked this young man that question he told me 3 things.

  1. How long I’ve been doing the habit.
    • Basically how many times the habit has been repeated.
    • Repetion is a powerful force when it comes to creating habits.
  2. Your will power.
    • Basically your desire and determination.
  3. Having too many steps needed to break the habit.
    • Basically making your new habit too complicated.

I loved those examples that he shared.

Here are the two that I added that we discussed:

  1. Identifying as your habit.
    • Basically seeing yourself as your habit (for example, “I’m a yeller,” or “I’m a smoker,” or “I’m lazy.”)
  2. The perceived benefit of the habit.
    • Drinking Diet Dr. Pepper tastes great. You get a dopamine hit.
    • Yelling at your kids used to get them to listen, respond, change.

As we talked about this he said it was helpful to understand why it can be hard to break habits.

What makes your habits hard to break could be different for you, so make sure to explore this for yourself.

Also, I don’t recommend focusing on breaking bad habits. Instead, I recommend building desired habits.

What Makes Breaking Habits Hard is The Secret To Creating Habits Easily

Now, I want to let you in on a little secret. Whatever it is that makes habits hard for you is the secret for making habits easy for you.

For example, if the amount of times that you’ve repeated a habit makes it harder to break, doing the new desired habit over and over, getting reps in, is the secret to creating a new habit to replace the old one.

You can go through your own list and find ways to apply the list of things making your habits hard to ways that you can make creating new habits easy.

Your Habits Create Your Results

One of the problems that I have with traditional coaching is that they are overly focused on individual actions.

I love the self-coaching model. It’s a powerful tool. But, it’s only focused on individual actions, not habits.

Your habits create your results.

If you want better results, you need better habits.

Learn how to intentionally create your desired habits, and you can learn how to intentionally create the life of your dreams.

Join Me for a Transformational Conversation

I’m going to be hosting two live Transformational Conversations, and I want YOU to join me.

If you have some New Year’s goals, and their mostly on repeat from last year, you need to better understand your habits and what it takes to create new habits.

Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.

Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and belief to a deeper level.

Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and lets create some new and powerful habits in your parenting in 2023.

These transformational conversations will be live over zoom, face to face, on Thursday, January 12th at 10 am MST and Tuesday, January 24th, at 10 am MST.

Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.

#134 – Let Your Teen Manage Their Own Model

#134 – Let Your Teen Manage Their Own Model

The Self-Coaching Model

I teach a tool called The Model. I learned it from my coach Brooke Castillo.

The model is the concept that there are Circumstances in life that lead to Thoughts, which create Feelings, which drive our Actions, which create our Results.

Lots of coaches refer to it as the CTFAR model.

The self-coaching model is a powerful tool.

It’s not the only tool, but it is one that I teach all the time.

Your Model vs Your Teen’s Model

The Self-Coaching Model is at play in your life, your teen’s life, and everyone’s life.

Your model can even have the same circumstance as your teen’s model.

In fact, I’ve seen teens simply adopt their parent’s models, and have identical models.

So here’s the most important thing to understand when it comes to the difference between your model and your teen’s model.

You can only control your own model.

You CAN NOT control your teen’s model.

You are not responsible for how your teen thinks, feels, behaves, or the results that they create in their life.

You are only responsible for your own model.

So, stop trying to manage your teen’s model and let them do that for themselves.

“I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Recently I spoke to a high school swim team.

One of the things the girls told me was, “I’m constantly anxious because I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Can you see how these teens were focused on someone else’s model?

Of course they’re feeling anxious. They are focused on something outside of their control.

Over Christmas, one of the things that I heard mothers tell me in their coaching sessions was, “I don’t want my kids to be disappointed with Christmas.”

Again, they’re feeling anxious because they are focused on something outside of their control., their teen’s model.

The problem is that our teens are learning to try to manage others’ models for them because they see us doing that as parents when we try to manage their models.

Let’s stop that!

Trust Your Teen

Your teen is more than capable of managing their own model.

You might ask, “what if they won’t manage it?”

That’s okay. They are perfectly capable of owning their model.

They are perfectly capable of owning the consequences of ignoring their model too.

Show your teen that you trust them.

Show them that they have the power to manage how they think and feel.

Show them that you trust them and give them the autonomy to manage their model for themselves.

Manage Your Own Model

You can’t manage your teen’s model for them, but you can be a powerful example to them of managing your own model.

In fact, in my experience, when parents manage their own models, things change in their homes.

Often, simply managing your own model is enough to help your teen start managing their own.

Human beings are herd animals, including your teen.

If you lead by example, they are likely to follow.

Create the Tradition of Parenting Growth in 2023!

Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.

I’m re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it’s AMAZING!

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.

If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now’s the time.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.

Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

What’s the Best Gift You Give Your Teen?

This time of year, parents around the world are wondering what to give their teens.

They want the perfect gift. One that their teen will like and actually use.

Parents are looking for that gift that’s stylish enough that their teen will like it, but timeless enough that it will last.

The truth is, the perfect gift for your teen has more to do with you that you probably realize.

So, here is a list of the top 5 things that I think are awesome gifts for any teen.

My Top 5 Gifts for Teens List:

#1 Belief and Trust In Your Teen

One of the most powerful gifts that you can give your teen is belief in your teen.

Think about it, don’t you love it when people believe in you?

This can look like believing in their potential, in their goodness, in their value, in their dreams and hopes, anything.

One of the things that I’ve heard a lot from parents lately is that they want to trust their teen, but they don’t trust them.

Give your teen the gift of trust.

Yes, they might lie to you, but trust that they are doing their best. Trust that they will be okay.

Yes, in the moment, it doesn’t seam like they will be okay, but I promise, they will be okay.

Your teen wants to belief in themselves.

Show them how by being the example of believing in your teen.

#2 Acceptance and Belonging

One of the most fundamental human needs is the need to belong.

One of the things that makes people feel like they don’t belong is when people try to change them.

I get it, you’re teen might be making some really poor decisions right now, but find a ways to show them that they belong.

Find ways to show them that you accept them as they are.

This is a powerful gift that you can give your teen any time of the year.

#3 Your Own Self-Work and Growth

I know, this is something that I talk about all the time, but it’s still true so I’m going to keep talking about it.

Give your teen the gift of YOUR own self work.

You are a circumstance in your teens model.

There are things that you do everyday that impact your teen.

If you’re like me, there are things that you do as a parent that you want to do better.

Give your teen that gift, of doing the best that you can by working on yourself and growing.

One of the things that I hear all the time from the people that I work with, and their teens, “working with you has changed everything in our family.”

Or, “I don’t know what you guys do on your coaching calls, but keep doing it because it’s working.”

These are things that I hear from spouses and teens.

Your own personal growth will have a bigger impact on your teen that you will ever fully know.

#4 Values Based Connection

We talked about this last week, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time on it, but build values based connections with your teen.

If you want to know more about that, go listen to last week’s podcast.

#5 Their Own Personal Coach

I know, I know.

I’m a coach, of course I’m going to suggest getting your teen a coach.

I am, and yes, I’m biased, but. . .

I’ve seen coaching change lives.

It has changed my life.

I’ve seen it work in countless teen’s lives.

I know the power that coaching can have in a teen’s life.

I have had teens tell me things like, “You’re my favorite person to talk to,” or “What we talk about helps me feel less anxious at school.”

If you feel like you’ve tried everything with your teen, I would recommend to try two more things.

First, get your own coach.

And second, get your teen their own coach.

Become The Parent of Your Dreams in 2023!

Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.

I’m re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it’s AMAZING!

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.

If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now’s the time.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.

Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#095 I’m Not Perfect, Now What?

#095 I’m Not Perfect, Now What?

One of the things that both parents and teens struggle with is accepting when things aren’t perfect and when things don’t turn out how they wanted them to.

Imperfection Is Part of Being Human

One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being “better.”

If you’re like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being “better.”

Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay some of the things you said.

Maybe you didn’t handle a situation with your spouse exactly how you wanted to, or maybe you made a mistake and you’re having to live with the consequences.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!

No one is perfect. That is part of being human.

Being imperfect is part of being a parent.

So now what?

Your Best IS Good Enough!

I want to help you trust that your best IS good enough.

In fact, it’s better than good enough. It’s all that’s possible, ever.

And, it’s PERFECT!

That’s right, your imperfect parenting is PERFECT for what you and your child need.

So, carry on! Keep doing your best!

Own it! Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and continue on!

I’m Not Perfect, So Now What?

Okay, so we’ve established that being human means that you’re not going to be perfect.

So, now what?

Below, I’m going to share 3 simple things to do when you find yourself being less than “perfect.”

#1 Acceptance, Gratitude, and Love

My childhood wasn’t “perfect”, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.

I’ve made TONS of mistakes in my life, but it turns out those mistakes were EXACTLY what I needed to become me.

In fact, without the exact childhood that I had or all of my mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

If you’re like me, you wouldn’t be who you are today without the exact childhood that you had.

If you’re like me, without all of your mistakes you wouldn’t be who you are today.

Also if you’re like me, there’s no going back and changing or “fixing” your childhood or undoing your mistakes.

So, you might as well accept it and be grateful for how it’s helped you become the parent you are today.

The problem is, it can be hard to accept our imperfections and mistakes.

It can be even harder to be grateful for our imperfections and mistakes.

But I want to invite you to connect with yourself Right Where You Are! Imperfections and all.

As you develop the skill of accepting yourself as you are, it will be easier to show yourself some gratitude. With gratitude for yourself, it will be easier to show yourself love and kindness.

You have always done your best. You are still doing your best!

And, that’s perfect!

#2 Improve Your Best

One of the things that I’ve noticed as a football coach is that your best at the beginning of the season looks a lot different than your best at the end of the season.

After one season of football, I’ve seen kids grow physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I’ve seen kids grow in their skills and abilities.

You can do the same thing!

Your best today won’t look like your best in a year from now, especially after listening to the podcast, joining the membership, and practicing all of these amazing skills.

Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t compare yourself with this mythical “perfect” version of you.

Just give your best today and continue the work of improving your best.

#3 Enjoy the Process!

This one is very important, and it’s one that lots of parents forget.

Enjoy the process.

There’s nothing wrong with starting right where you are right now. It’s okay that it might take you some time.

Embrace the process and find ways to enjoy it.

In my experience as a football coach, the best football players are the ones who enjoy the process of working to be their best.

On the other hand, the players who constantly compare themselves with others, think they should be further along in the process, or hate being called out by the coach and admitting that there’s room to improve, seldom reach their potential.

When you can enjoy this process, growth is simply part of the journey.

The imperfections and mistakes also become simply part of the journey.

Call to ACTION!

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