#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

#132 – The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Teen

What’s the Best Gift You Give Your Teen?

This time of year, parents around the world are wondering what to give their teens.

They want the perfect gift. One that their teen will like and actually use.

Parents are looking for that gift that’s stylish enough that their teen will like it, but timeless enough that it will last.

The truth is, the perfect gift for your teen has more to do with you that you probably realize.

So, here is a list of the top 5 things that I think are awesome gifts for any teen.

My Top 5 Gifts for Teens List:

#1 Belief and Trust In Your Teen

One of the most powerful gifts that you can give your teen is belief in your teen.

Think about it, don’t you love it when people believe in you?

This can look like believing in their potential, in their goodness, in their value, in their dreams and hopes, anything.

One of the things that I’ve heard a lot from parents lately is that they want to trust their teen, but they don’t trust them.

Give your teen the gift of trust.

Yes, they might lie to you, but trust that they are doing their best. Trust that they will be okay.

Yes, in the moment, it doesn’t seam like they will be okay, but I promise, they will be okay.

Your teen wants to belief in themselves.

Show them how by being the example of believing in your teen.

#2 Acceptance and Belonging

One of the most fundamental human needs is the need to belong.

One of the things that makes people feel like they don’t belong is when people try to change them.

I get it, you’re teen might be making some really poor decisions right now, but find a ways to show them that they belong.

Find ways to show them that you accept them as they are.

This is a powerful gift that you can give your teen any time of the year.

#3 Your Own Self-Work and Growth

I know, this is something that I talk about all the time, but it’s still true so I’m going to keep talking about it.

Give your teen the gift of YOUR own self work.

You are a circumstance in your teens model.

There are things that you do everyday that impact your teen.

If you’re like me, there are things that you do as a parent that you want to do better.

Give your teen that gift, of doing the best that you can by working on yourself and growing.

One of the things that I hear all the time from the people that I work with, and their teens, “working with you has changed everything in our family.”

Or, “I don’t know what you guys do on your coaching calls, but keep doing it because it’s working.”

These are things that I hear from spouses and teens.

Your own personal growth will have a bigger impact on your teen that you will ever fully know.

#4 Values Based Connection

We talked about this last week, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time on it, but build values based connections with your teen.

If you want to know more about that, go listen to last week’s podcast.

#5 Their Own Personal Coach

I know, I know.

I’m a coach, of course I’m going to suggest getting your teen a coach.

I am, and yes, I’m biased, but. . .

I’ve seen coaching change lives.

It has changed my life.

I’ve seen it work in countless teen’s lives.

I know the power that coaching can have in a teen’s life.

I have had teens tell me things like, “You’re my favorite person to talk to,” or “What we talk about helps me feel less anxious at school.”

If you feel like you’ve tried everything with your teen, I would recommend to try two more things.

First, get your own coach.

And second, get your teen their own coach.

Become The Parent of Your Dreams in 2023!

Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.

I’m re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it’s AMAZING!

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.

If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now’s the time.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.

Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#131 – How to Build Values Based Connections with Your Teen

#131 – How to Build Values Based Connections with Your Teen

Your Teen WANTS You To Connect with Them

This might come as a shock to you, but your teen WANTS you to connect with them.

I know what you might be thinking, “Not MY teen. They want nothing to do with me.”

I know, it probably seems that way, but I promise you, your teen wants connection.

Your teen wants to belong.

They want to be praised and appreciated.

The want the safety that comes with unconditional love, acceptance, and belonging.

Wanting to belong is a fundamental human need and desire.

When this need isn’t met, teens will desperately search for it.

Your teen might not be willing to admit it, but secretly they WANT connection with YOU!

Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect with Them

Now, here’s the tricky part.

Your teen wants YOU to connect with them.

Stop waiting for them to open up and start connecting with you, they want you to initiate the connection.

This is powerful knowledge.

Knowing that Your teen WANTS connection, and knowing that they want YOU to connect with them gives you incredible power.

Whether or not it’s true is less important than simply believing and trusting that it is true.

Think about it.

The thought, “My teen wants nothing to do with me.”

How does that feel for you?

It might feel “true,” but it probably feels sad and disheartening.

Now think about this instead, “My teen wants ME to connect with them?”

How does that feel?

For me, it’s hopeful and empowering.

It helps me know that what I’m doing as a dad, even though it’s sometimes hard, is exactly what my teens secretly want.

Build Values Based Connections with Your Teen

One of the things that I am fighting against in the world is over-complication or parenting.

We have a natural tendency to overly complicate things, especially parenting.

So, here are some simple principles to help you build values based connections with your teens.

When you join my membership in 2023, you’ll get access to my full values trainings, which are AMAZING!

But for now, I promise you this is enough to get you started.

  1. Know your own values.
    • Know what drives you.
    • Know what your priorities are.
    • Look to your results for evidence as to what your values are.
  2. Know your teen’s values.
    • Understand what drives your teen.
    • What are their priorities?
    • Look at their results for evidence of what their values are.
  3. Highlight your common values.
    • We all have common values.
    • Most people focus on their differences.
    • When you focus on others’ values, you will appreciate them and have a desire to connect with them.
    • When you focus on common values, it builds a solid foundation for connection.
  4. Take interest in what your teen is interested in.
    • Observe what your teen in interested in.
    • Take interest in things that they are interested in.
  5. Trust the human need for connection.
    • Seriously, trust this need.
    • Our desire for connection causes people to do crazy things.
    • When you seek to connect with your teen it will first change YOU and second change your teen.

Become The Parent of Your Dreams in 2023!

There’s only one more week to take advantage of my FREE Podcast-MINI-Series!

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until Wednesday December 14, 2022.

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year’s Christmas magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

Now’s the time.

Stop waiting for your teen to change.

Be the change that you want to see.

Start BEING the parent of your dreams!

#130 – BONUS! Be The Change with Emily Wardrop

#130 – BONUS! Be The Change with Emily Wardrop

This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!

Make sure you listen to this episode because I won’t do it justice here in the show notes.

Emily Wardrop is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for parents. I really enjoyed this conversation with her, and I’m sure you will too.

On the Same Team

On this podcast we talk about being on the same team rather than on the same page.

This helps you as a parent to model the behavior and BEing that you want to see in your teen.

Humans are Herd Animals

We talked about mirroring the behavior that we see in our children.

We talked about the power of modeling the behavior that we want to see instead of mirroring it.

Be the Change You Want to See!

We also talked about BEing the change that you want to see.

Too many parents overly focus on their teens, and instead of BEing the change, they try to change their teens.

Be the change that you want to see!

How to work with Emily!

You can find Drop the War Life Coach on FB, IG, and YouTube!

Check out her amazing FREE trainings by clicking the links below!

www.dropthewar.com/believe

www.dropthewar.com/t1d

My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don’t miss it!

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

If you haven’t yet listened to my FREE Podcast-MINI-Series, Parenting from the Inside-Out, do it before it’s gone on Dec. 14th, 2022.

benpughcoaching.com/privatepodcast

Also, register to attend one or all of my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out trainings.  Learn More Here

There will be live trainings held on the following dates and times: 

  • Dec 6, 2022 10:00 AM
  • Dec 7, 2022 02:00 PM
  • Dec 14, 2022 12:00 PM

#129 – Are You Unhappy In Your Parenting?

#129 – Are You Unhappy In Your Parenting?

Your Stories Are Making You Unhappy

One of the things I’ve noticed recently is that there are a lot of unhappy parents and teens out their.

This is something that I’ve been coaching on regularly for the past several months.

And, to be honest, this is something that I’ve been struggling with in my own life recently.

Then recently I heard my coach say, . . .

“Unhappiness comes from the gap between where your current life
is (story) and where you think it should be (story). That gap in between is the
‘unhappiness gap’.”

~ Jim Fortin

As I thought about my own recent unhappiness, I explored, “What are my stories that are making my unhappy?”

I realized that I had a lot of stories about all the things that I thought should be different in my life.

I had stories about my business, my business partners, my clients, my wife, my kids, my weight, and on and on.

And, these stories were making my unhappy.

Let’s use the example of my weight. When I think, “Man, I should weigh 195 lbs. instead of 240-ish lbs.” This makes me unhappy.

And, it’s completely untrue. Maybe it’s true that I weigh 240-ish lbs., but that doesn’t mean that I should weigh 195.

Thoughts that make me unhappy in my business or with my partners are thinks like, “My business should be further along,” or “I should have this figured out by now,” or “My partner should do this instead of what they are doing.”

The truth is, those are all stories.

When I create a gap between reality and what I think reality “SHOULD” be, I experience feelings like disappointment, frustration, discouragement, shame, guilt, doubt, worry, and just unhappiness in general.

I’m not saying that it’s bad to be unhappy.

What I am saying is that you get to choose whether or not you will be unhappy by the stories you tell.

There are things that make me unhappy, like the death of innocent people, especially children, but it’s because of the story that I tell myself, that innocent people and especially children, should not die.

When this happens, I choose to be unhappy by choosing to believe my story.

Everything Is a Story

The truth is, EVERYTHING is a story.

There’s a beautiful tree in my front yard. In the fall it turns dark read and it is beautiful. It’s a special tree because I almost killed it twice, but I nursed it back to health both times. The first time my wife and I were out of town for a couple weeks straight in the middle of summer and it didn’t get watered, and when we can home it was all wilty. The second time I was trying to straighten it, because it’s always windy in my town and the tree leans to the east, and I was pulling on one of the thick limbs right above where it forked, and I totally broke the tree in half, just like breaking a turkey’s wish bone. Anyway, I glued it and put a few screws into the tree to hold it together, and after a while it totally recovered.

Everything I told you is a story.

Sure, everything I told you is true, but it’s also a story. My neighbors might think (their story) that my tree is ugly, and that it should have died when it had the change.

When you realize that everything is a story, you can start to develop some awareness behind the stories that you allow to be told in your mind.

Once you become aware of what stories you’re telling yourself and others, you will have the power to be intentional about the stories that you tell.

What Are the Stories of Your Herd?

As I’ve been coaching both parents and teens on being unhappy, I’ve noticed a few patterns.

First, they’re not really aware of the stories that they’re telling themselves.

And second, they’re not really aware of the stories that they’re picking up and believing from their herd.

Let me give you an example.

While President Trump was president, I had a friend who constantly believed that he was actively trying to destroy the country. He was almost constantly unhappy, and he blamed Donald Trump.

A few months after President Biden became our president, I was coaching a teen who was really worried because his dad had told him that by the time Biden was done being president, we’d have zero freedoms left and probably be slaves to China.

These are two examples of listening to the stories of others, people in your herd, and adopting those stories as your own, and then letting those stories impact your happiness.

Many of the teens that I’ve coached on being unhappy were believing the stories of others in their herd, like a coach telling them they should have won, or friends telling them they look dumb and should wear cooler clothes.

Many of the parents that I’ve coached on this are unhappy because their teen’s teacher is telling them that their teen should be a straight A student, or because their neighbors think they should have “tighter reigns” on their kids.

The truth is, just because your herd believes certain stories, does not mean you should believe those same stories.

Be The Hero Of Your Stories

Another thing that causes unhappiness, and one that I am a master at, is positioning yourself as the victim in your story.

I do this all the time.

I blame the guy who cut me off, or my wife or business partner for a disagreement.

The problem is, anytime you blame someone else, you position yourself as the victim in your story.

Sometimes we secretly want to be the victim. It’s easier to blame someone else than it is to take accountability, but the truth is, being the victim of your stories will make you unhappy.

If you or your teen are unhappy, check your stories. Are you blaming someone or something outside of your control?

If the answer is “Yes,” that’s awesome news because YOU have the power to be the hero of your stories.

Start Developing New Stories

There’s a trend in life coaching to really focus on what you are thinking.

This isn’t bad, and I love thought awareness, but I think there’s also power in focusing on HOW you are thinking.

Blaming is a way of thinking.

Catastrophizing is a way of thinking.

On the other hand, being accountable or taking responsibility are ways of thinking.

Instead of catastrophizing, you could proactively think optimistically.

Instead of seeing everything as a threat or an obstacle, you can see things as opportunities.

Rather than believing that the world is working against you, you can see that it is working for you.

As you change how you think, you will start practicing new stories.

You can do this both on the individual level of WHAT you are thinking and on the bigger picture of HOW you are thinking.

Want to Be Happier? Tell Better Stories.

I recently heard someone talking about the ability to make sense of things that have happed or are happening to you and how important this is to being mentally and emotionally healthy.

There was a time when my business was new, we weren’t making much money, and we had to get help from our church to provide food for my family.

I remember thinking things like:

  • I’m a failure.
  • My business isn’t working.
  • I should quit.
  • This isn’t working.
  • It’s the market’s fault.

As I did some self coaching, I started replacing my old stories with more helpful stories like:

  • This is an opportunity for me to grow from desperation.
  • This will be a good story to help inspire future clients.
  • If I can get through this, I can get through anything.

Making sense of your past or current trials and struggles is kind of like connecting the dots between where you were and are and where you want to be.

Making sense of your life is simply choosing the stories that you will tell and the interpretations you will make.

Merry Christmas!

I want to give YOU a FREE GIFT, my podcast-mini-series to help YOU grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until Wednesday December 14, 2022.

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year’s Christmas magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

#128 – Birthday Interview with Arthur C. Woods!

#128 – Birthday Interview with Arthur C. Woods!

This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!

Make sure you listen to this episode because I won’t do it justice here in the show notes.

Arthur C. Woods is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for teens. I really enjoyed this conversation with him.

Stages of Growth!

Discovery: Discovering who you are and who you want to be.

Defining: Defining and deciding who you are and who you want to be.

These are both important steps in growth.

And, growth is often uncomfortable.

In addition to being uncomfortable, growth is also a process that takes time and repeated effort over and over.

The Importance of Identity

Most people overly focus on DOing things rather than BEing.

Rather than reading a book, be a reader.

Rather than focusing on running a marathon, focus on BEing a marathon runner.

Trust who you are!

Lean to your strengths.

Let your weaknesses be areas of growth.

How to get your teen to work with Arthur!

(1) Free Parent (of Teen) Training: Helping Your Teen Escape The Prison of Anxiety (December 08, Thursday @ 6:30 pm – Eastern Standard Time). Parents can register here: https://bit.ly/helpingyourteensescape

(2) Free Facebook Group, Exclusively For Parents of Teenagers: www.facebook.com/groups/parentingteensintodaysworld

(3) Connect with Arthur:  www.facebook.com/arthurcwoods

My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don’t miss it!

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until December 14th, 2022.

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.