#130 – BONUS! Be The Change with Emily Wardrop

#130 – BONUS! Be The Change with Emily Wardrop

This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!

Make sure you listen to this episode because I won’t do it justice here in the show notes.

Emily Wardrop is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for parents. I really enjoyed this conversation with her, and I’m sure you will too.

On the Same Team

On this podcast we talk about being on the same team rather than on the same page.

This helps you as a parent to model the behavior and BEing that you want to see in your teen.

Humans are Herd Animals

We talked about mirroring the behavior that we see in our children.

We talked about the power of modeling the behavior that we want to see instead of mirroring it.

Be the Change You Want to See!

We also talked about BEing the change that you want to see.

Too many parents overly focus on their teens, and instead of BEing the change, they try to change their teens.

Be the change that you want to see!

How to work with Emily!

You can find Drop the War Life Coach on FB, IG, and YouTube!

Check out her amazing FREE trainings by clicking the links below!

www.dropthewar.com/believe

www.dropthewar.com/t1d

My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don’t miss it!

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

If you haven’t yet listened to my FREE Podcast-MINI-Series, Parenting from the Inside-Out, do it before it’s gone on Dec. 14th, 2022.

benpughcoaching.com/privatepodcast

Also, register to attend one or all of my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out trainings.  Learn More Here

There will be live trainings held on the following dates and times: 

  • Dec 6, 2022 10:00 AM
  • Dec 7, 2022 02:00 PM
  • Dec 14, 2022 12:00 PM

#129 – Are You Unhappy In Your Parenting?

#129 – Are You Unhappy In Your Parenting?

Your Stories Are Making You Unhappy

One of the things I’ve noticed recently is that there are a lot of unhappy parents and teens out their.

This is something that I’ve been coaching on regularly for the past several months.

And, to be honest, this is something that I’ve been struggling with in my own life recently.

Then recently I heard my coach say, . . .

“Unhappiness comes from the gap between where your current life
is (story) and where you think it should be (story). That gap in between is the
‘unhappiness gap’.”

~ Jim Fortin

As I thought about my own recent unhappiness, I explored, “What are my stories that are making my unhappy?”

I realized that I had a lot of stories about all the things that I thought should be different in my life.

I had stories about my business, my business partners, my clients, my wife, my kids, my weight, and on and on.

And, these stories were making my unhappy.

Let’s use the example of my weight. When I think, “Man, I should weigh 195 lbs. instead of 240-ish lbs.” This makes me unhappy.

And, it’s completely untrue. Maybe it’s true that I weigh 240-ish lbs., but that doesn’t mean that I should weigh 195.

Thoughts that make me unhappy in my business or with my partners are thinks like, “My business should be further along,” or “I should have this figured out by now,” or “My partner should do this instead of what they are doing.”

The truth is, those are all stories.

When I create a gap between reality and what I think reality “SHOULD” be, I experience feelings like disappointment, frustration, discouragement, shame, guilt, doubt, worry, and just unhappiness in general.

I’m not saying that it’s bad to be unhappy.

What I am saying is that you get to choose whether or not you will be unhappy by the stories you tell.

There are things that make me unhappy, like the death of innocent people, especially children, but it’s because of the story that I tell myself, that innocent people and especially children, should not die.

When this happens, I choose to be unhappy by choosing to believe my story.

Everything Is a Story

The truth is, EVERYTHING is a story.

There’s a beautiful tree in my front yard. In the fall it turns dark read and it is beautiful. It’s a special tree because I almost killed it twice, but I nursed it back to health both times. The first time my wife and I were out of town for a couple weeks straight in the middle of summer and it didn’t get watered, and when we can home it was all wilty. The second time I was trying to straighten it, because it’s always windy in my town and the tree leans to the east, and I was pulling on one of the thick limbs right above where it forked, and I totally broke the tree in half, just like breaking a turkey’s wish bone. Anyway, I glued it and put a few screws into the tree to hold it together, and after a while it totally recovered.

Everything I told you is a story.

Sure, everything I told you is true, but it’s also a story. My neighbors might think (their story) that my tree is ugly, and that it should have died when it had the change.

When you realize that everything is a story, you can start to develop some awareness behind the stories that you allow to be told in your mind.

Once you become aware of what stories you’re telling yourself and others, you will have the power to be intentional about the stories that you tell.

What Are the Stories of Your Herd?

As I’ve been coaching both parents and teens on being unhappy, I’ve noticed a few patterns.

First, they’re not really aware of the stories that they’re telling themselves.

And second, they’re not really aware of the stories that they’re picking up and believing from their herd.

Let me give you an example.

While President Trump was president, I had a friend who constantly believed that he was actively trying to destroy the country. He was almost constantly unhappy, and he blamed Donald Trump.

A few months after President Biden became our president, I was coaching a teen who was really worried because his dad had told him that by the time Biden was done being president, we’d have zero freedoms left and probably be slaves to China.

These are two examples of listening to the stories of others, people in your herd, and adopting those stories as your own, and then letting those stories impact your happiness.

Many of the teens that I’ve coached on being unhappy were believing the stories of others in their herd, like a coach telling them they should have won, or friends telling them they look dumb and should wear cooler clothes.

Many of the parents that I’ve coached on this are unhappy because their teen’s teacher is telling them that their teen should be a straight A student, or because their neighbors think they should have “tighter reigns” on their kids.

The truth is, just because your herd believes certain stories, does not mean you should believe those same stories.

Be The Hero Of Your Stories

Another thing that causes unhappiness, and one that I am a master at, is positioning yourself as the victim in your story.

I do this all the time.

I blame the guy who cut me off, or my wife or business partner for a disagreement.

The problem is, anytime you blame someone else, you position yourself as the victim in your story.

Sometimes we secretly want to be the victim. It’s easier to blame someone else than it is to take accountability, but the truth is, being the victim of your stories will make you unhappy.

If you or your teen are unhappy, check your stories. Are you blaming someone or something outside of your control?

If the answer is “Yes,” that’s awesome news because YOU have the power to be the hero of your stories.

Start Developing New Stories

There’s a trend in life coaching to really focus on what you are thinking.

This isn’t bad, and I love thought awareness, but I think there’s also power in focusing on HOW you are thinking.

Blaming is a way of thinking.

Catastrophizing is a way of thinking.

On the other hand, being accountable or taking responsibility are ways of thinking.

Instead of catastrophizing, you could proactively think optimistically.

Instead of seeing everything as a threat or an obstacle, you can see things as opportunities.

Rather than believing that the world is working against you, you can see that it is working for you.

As you change how you think, you will start practicing new stories.

You can do this both on the individual level of WHAT you are thinking and on the bigger picture of HOW you are thinking.

Want to Be Happier? Tell Better Stories.

I recently heard someone talking about the ability to make sense of things that have happed or are happening to you and how important this is to being mentally and emotionally healthy.

There was a time when my business was new, we weren’t making much money, and we had to get help from our church to provide food for my family.

I remember thinking things like:

  • I’m a failure.
  • My business isn’t working.
  • I should quit.
  • This isn’t working.
  • It’s the market’s fault.

As I did some self coaching, I started replacing my old stories with more helpful stories like:

  • This is an opportunity for me to grow from desperation.
  • This will be a good story to help inspire future clients.
  • If I can get through this, I can get through anything.

Making sense of your past or current trials and struggles is kind of like connecting the dots between where you were and are and where you want to be.

Making sense of your life is simply choosing the stories that you will tell and the interpretations you will make.

Merry Christmas!

I want to give YOU a FREE GIFT, my podcast-mini-series to help YOU grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until Wednesday December 14, 2022.

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.

Make this year’s Christmas magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

#128 – Birthday Interview with Arthur C. Woods!

#128 – Birthday Interview with Arthur C. Woods!

This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!

Make sure you listen to this episode because I won’t do it justice here in the show notes.

Arthur C. Woods is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for teens. I really enjoyed this conversation with him.

Stages of Growth!

Discovery: Discovering who you are and who you want to be.

Defining: Defining and deciding who you are and who you want to be.

These are both important steps in growth.

And, growth is often uncomfortable.

In addition to being uncomfortable, growth is also a process that takes time and repeated effort over and over.

The Importance of Identity

Most people overly focus on DOing things rather than BEing.

Rather than reading a book, be a reader.

Rather than focusing on running a marathon, focus on BEing a marathon runner.

Trust who you are!

Lean to your strengths.

Let your weaknesses be areas of growth.

How to get your teen to work with Arthur!

(1) Free Parent (of Teen) Training: Helping Your Teen Escape The Prison of Anxiety (December 08, Thursday @ 6:30 pm – Eastern Standard Time). Parents can register here: https://bit.ly/helpingyourteensescape

(2) Free Facebook Group, Exclusively For Parents of Teenagers: www.facebook.com/groups/parentingteensintodaysworld

(3) Connect with Arthur:  www.facebook.com/arthurcwoods

My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don’t miss it!

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until December 14th, 2022.

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

#127 – Gratitude is a Superpower!

#127 – Gratitude is a Superpower!

I’m Grateful for YOU!

I wanted to take a minute and express my gratitude for you!

I’m grateful for you and your efforts as a parent.

I’m grateful for your time, for your attention, and for your desire to grow.

Thank you for your support!

The Power Of Gratitude

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of coaching on emotions.

I don’t necessarily consider myself to be an emotions expert, but I wanted to share with you what I’ve learned in my own life and what I’ve learned from my clients.

Lately I’ve been on this kick of increasing my emotional awareness.

I’ve notice in my life that there are times that I hyper-focus on thoughts and beliefs that bring emotions that I don’t want to experience, and that with that focus, those emotions become the underlying emotion from day to day.

Lately, as I’ve been asking my clients to increase their emotional awareness, I’ve taken the invitation to do the same.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

Gratitude as a Feeling

Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.

It is created by our thoughts.

It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.

Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.

Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.

We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.

When I’m grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.

Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.

Gratitude as a Way of BEing

Gratitude can be more than a simple feeling.

Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It’s a choice.

I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably caught yourself being ungrateful.

If you’re like most people, when you’re ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.

It’s okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It’s part of being human and being a parent.

BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!

AND, I promise . . .

Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!

How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!

  1. Set your Intention Early and Every day!
  • This has been powerful in my life!
  • When I get up, I set my intention for the day.
  • I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.
  • This takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.

2. Practice BEing Grateful Daily.

  • This one goes right along with #1, once you’ve set you intention, simply practice!
  • Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.
  • Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.
  • It will become more and more natural.

3. See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.

  • As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.
  • See how BEing grateful impacts your life.
  • Look for new and more things to be grateful for.
  • Find new ways to be grateful.

4. Keep a Gratitude Journal.

  • Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.
  • Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.
  • This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.
  • It’s fun to look back on things you were grateful for.

5. Share Your Gratitude with Others.

  • You can’t make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.
  • Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.
  • This may help others see things that they are grateful for.

The Gift Of Growth

I want to give you the gift of growth.

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.

#126 – The Gift of YOUR Growth

#126 – The Gift of YOUR Growth

Why Do Parents Stop Growing?

Recently I was talking to a dad and he said something to the effect of, “Why do we quit growing as parents and adults?”

He went on to say that as a parent, he feels like he’s supposed to know everything and be perfect and that working on his own personal growth would make him look silly, like he doesn’t know everything and he’s not perfect.

☝️ This is why parents stop growing. ☝️

They think that they’re supposed to know everything and be perfect, so they avoid imperfection and the unknown.

There’s a concept that I taught my little league football team this year.

One day, while I was trying to coach up one of my players, he kept interrupting me telling me, “I know. I already know!”

The problem was, when I watched him I could tell that he did not know what I wanted him to know.

And, because he thought he already knew, he didn’t have room to learn anything new.

I call this the full cup problem.

Imagine trying to pour water into a cup that’s already full of water.

What’s going to happen?

It’s going to over-fill and run over the side.

The cup has no room for anything more.

This happens to us when we think we have no room for growth.

Why Do People Avoid Growth?

Recently I’ve been watching my kids as they’ve been growing in different areas of their lives.

My 16 year old, even though he’s on the football team and wants to be a good football player, he has been resistant to growth.

He tells me things like, “I don’t want to mess up”, or “I don’t want a coach to yell at me”, or “I don’t want to look dumb.”

My 13 teen year old on the other hand, has never played football before this year and he knew almost nothing.

Because he knew nothing, he positioned himself as an empty cup and was very coachable, and he grew very quickly.

Most people avoid growth for just a few reasons.

#1 They don’t want to look bad.

#2 It can be hard and uncomfortable to grow.

#3 They don’t believe they can/need to grow.

Growth is What Stands Between You and Your Dreams

One of the things that I’ve found as I’ve coached tons of parents and teens is that growth is what’s standing between you and your dreams.

Want to become the parent of your dreams?

Grow as a parent.

Want a better relationship with your teen?

Grow YOUR relationship with yourself and then your teen.

Want to stop yelling, arguing, or simply avoiding all potential conflict with your teen?

Grow yourself as a parent.

The Gift Of Growth

I want to give you the gift of growth.

I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.

This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through

This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.

Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.