#101 Mental & Emotional Health

#101 Mental & Emotional Health

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Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand

May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health.

I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this.

I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other.

If you want to strengthen one, you’ll have to strengthen the other.

If you strengthen one, you’ll strengthen the other.

Mental and Emotional Health go together like the chicken and the egg.

You can’t really separate them.

What is Mental Health

I believe mental health is something that EVERYONE has! It’s kind of like physical health, if you’re alive, you’ve got it to some extent.

Just like physical health, there are things you can do to improve your mental health.

First, here’s how I define mental health.

Mental health is your ability to be aware of your thinking and to be intentional with how you think.

That’s it!

You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts!

As the thinker, you have the power to

What Is Emotional Health

I define emotional health as the ability to experience any and ALL emotions and to be able to identify and process them.

One of the problems that I see is when people label emotions as “good” of “bad”, often it’s positive or negative.

The problem with this is that it sends the wrong message, that negative or “bad” emotions should be avoided, and that positive emotions or the only good ones.

The truth is, that humans are designed to feel a wide range of emotions.

It’s empowering to know that feeling anxiety or anger doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you, in fact, it means you have some emotional health because you are experiencing an emotion.

How to Strengthen Your Mental and Emotional Health

I know I sound like a broken record, but the most powerful thing you can do to help your teen strengthen their mental or emotional health is to strengthen your own.

You can show them the example of being someone who’s aware of their thoughts and intentional when it comes to their thoughts.

You can be the example of allowing any and all emotions and identifying and processing the emotion.

Share The Love!

One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.

By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others.

Share your wins.

Share your growth.

Share your successes.

Share your resources and tools.

BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.

CALL TO ACTION

Join my free Be the Change training starting next week. It will all be happening on my Be the Change Challenge Facebook Group to see when I go live.

#100 Your Family Will Change When YOU Do!

#100 Your Family Will Change When YOU Do!

You Are The Most Powerful Agent Of Change

This might come as a surprise to you, but you are the most powerful agent of change for your family.

You are a hero!

You have the power to change EVERYTHING in your family, just by changing yourself.

If you are listening to the podcast, you are probably looking for growth and some kind of change in your family, your parenting, or your teen.

I’m here to tell you that YOU have the power to change your whole entire world!

This is not what the world tells you.

Not The Norm For Our Day

This is not the message that is being told in our world today. The world and society today would have you believe that it’s your job to change OTHERS, instead of being the change.

This is we we see so much blame and shaming right now.

This is why so many people feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and scared, because their focus is on things outside of their control.

This is okay!

It’s not our job to change the world.

They don’t know any better, and they are doing their best.

But, I believe that the world will change when YOU do!

That’s why I’m doing my best to BE the change that I want to see.

BE The Change You Wish To See

Anytime you catch yourself wanting to change someone else, ask yourself, “How can I be the change I’m looking for?”

For me, when I ask myself this, it’s often things like, “I can be kinder,” “I can speak kinder,” “I can listen better,” or “I can be more accepting.”

YOU can be the change you are looking for!

This will position you as the hero.

No more waiting for someone else to change or wishing they’d be different.

You can take the energy used trying to change someone else and use that for yourself in BEing the change you want to see.

Changing From the Inside Out

There’s something magical that starts to happen when you start to be responsible for your own change.

You have more energy to put towards being the best version of yourself.

You start to change, and things around you start to change too!

Recently a mom, after working with me one time, on our second call told me how different things are in her home.

She realized that her teen is doing his best. She started appreciating the effort that he was putting forth. She felt increased love, kindness, and acceptance towards him, and he’s trying harder in their home.

This is called Changing from the inside out!

Most people are trying to change things on the outside so they can feel better on the inside.

I want to challenge you to be the change, and trust that change to work from the inside out.

Share The Love!

One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.

By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others.

Share your wins.

Share your growth.

Share your successes.

Share your resources and tools.

BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.

#99 Connection Based Parenting with Crystal Haitsma

#99 Connection Based Parenting with Crystal Haitsma

Boundaries done well will make your life easier as a parent.

“What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.” ~ Joseph Chilton Pearse

What is Neurocontrast and Neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent is the opposite of neurotypical, often adhd, odd, dyslexia a diagnosis of some type.

Neurocontrast is a little more inclusive. Everyone’s brain is different.

Learning is Learning, and Your Teen IS Learning

Everyone’s brain develops differently. We learn at different speeds. We learn different things at different times.

Your teen is learning, whether you see it or not.

Crystal lets her kids learn to read when they are ready and interested.

Development happens at different stages. Let your teens learn when they are ready.

The human brain can’t help but learn and grow! And it learns what it sees as the priority first.

Learning happens naturally. You don’t have to make it happen.

It’s Not “Misbehavior” Kids are Always Doing Their Best

When we can see that our kids are doing their best, it changes how we parent.

When we can show our kids that they are learning, and they are doing their best, and that is good enough.

Your teen’s behavior is just communication. What are they trying to tell you? What’s the root cause?

Build a Connection

When you have a connection with your teen, you can model the behavior that you want your teen to learn.

Shift your focus from what you can’t control, and focus on what you can control, your relationship with your teen.

Think of your favorite teacher. The reason you liked them is because you had a relationship with them.

This is what your teen is looking for.

Believe it or not, you teen want’s you to connect with them.

Connect with your teen as they are rather than trying to connect as you want them to be.

Want More From Crystal?

Website: www.coachcrystal.ca

IG: www.instagram.com/the.parenting.coach 

12-week intensive: www.coachcrystal.ca/group

#98 Boundaries: Myths, Truths, and Secret Tips!

#98 Boundaries: Myths, Truths, and Secret Tips!

Boundaries done well will make your life easier as a parent.

“Children learn to hold boundaries based on how we hold boundaries.” ~Brené Brown

Boundaries Myths:

I want to start off by dispelling some common myths when it comes to raising teens and setting boundaries.

  • MYTH:
    Boundaries are hard!
  • TRUTH:
    Boundaries don’t have to be hard or complex. In fact, the best boundaries are simple!
  • MYTH:
    Boundaries will control my teen.
  • TRUTH:
    Sorry to burst your bubble, but you can’t control your teen. BUT, you can control you! Boundaries are meant to help you be the parent you want to be.
  • MYTH:
    I have to have boundaries established ahead of time.
  • TRUTH:
    You can establish boundaries at any time. Sometimes it’s beneficial to have them established ahead of time, sometimes it’s beneficial to establish them in the moment, and sometimes it’s beneficial to establish them retroactively.
  • MYTH:
    Boundaries will push my need away.
  • TRUTH:
    Boundaries will actually help your teen better connect with you. It will help them see and understand how to connect with you. Your teen might not like your boundaries, but that’s not your job.
  • MYTH:
    Good parents make restrictive boundaries.
  • TRUTH:
    Your boundaries don’t have to be restrictive.

Common Mistakes When Setting Boundaries

I’m not trying to judge you or how you set boundaries. I’m just trying to share some of the common pitfalls that I’ve noticed parents often make when trying to set boundaries.

Usually, the only reason I would call it a “mistake” is that it doesn’t create the results that they are looking for.

  • MISTAKE:
    Setting boundaries to control your teen.
  • SECRET TIP:
    Shift your focus from your teen (something outside of your control) to what you can control, how you will respond.
  • MISTAKE:
    Setting boundaries to get your teen to change or do something different.
  • SECRET TIP:
    Again, this is focused on changing your teen or getting them to do something different, both outside of your control. It’s better to focus on what YOU CAN CONTROL, you and how you will think, feel, and act.
  • MISTAKE:
    Trying to be “COOL” and setting no boundaries.
  • SECRET TIP:
    Don’t worry about being cool. Sometimes your teen will not like your boundaries, and that’s okay!
  • MISTAKE:
    Making boundaries super complicated.
  • SECRET TIP:
    The best boundaries are simple and clear.
  • MISTAKE:
    Setting boundaries without even attempting to get your teen’s input or getting them on board.
  • SECRET TIP:
    When possible give your teen a voice. Give them the opportunity to chime in and help make the boundaries even better.
  • MISTAKE:
    Setting boundaries out of anger and/or fear.
  • SECRET TIP:
    Fear and anger rarely help you be the parent of your dreams. Love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope tend to help parents be more like that totally awesome version of themselves that they imagined back when they were teens. Try setting boundaries out of love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope.

Boundaries are Important for YOU and YOUR TEEN!

Sometimes boundaries aren’t fun. Brené Brown boundaries as a “parenting sacrifice, or is [the] the process by which we make family sacred?

Be willing to do this process.

How you set and hold boundaries will give your teens an example of how to set and hold boundaries.

Boundaries will give your teen structure, safety, and the power to exercise their own choices.

Boundaries will give you structure, safety, and a guide for how you want to parent in the face of your teen’s choices.

Boundaries will improve your relationship with your teen.

Join our Herd!

Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.

You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.

Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?

Join now while the doors are open.

https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent

Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?

Join now while the doors are open.

https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen

#97 Parenting Vulnerability with Stefanie

#97 Parenting Vulnerability with Stefanie

Parenting growth comes with vulnerability and a willingness to learn.

Sorry for the short show notes again, but I’m still recovering from Covid-19 and I didn’t plan this episode ahead of time.

Stefanie, Real Life Parent from FFP

The Firmly Founded Parent teaches things that are different than what the world would have you believe.

The world would teach you that “It’s your job to control your teen,” but we teach that it’s NOT your job to control your teen.

It’s your job to control yourself!

It’s your job to manage your mind, your emotions, and your actions.

Wanting Coaching vs “Needing” Coaching

You don’t “need” coaching, you want coaching.

Needing coaching comes from a place of shame.

Wanting coaching comes from a place of desire and hope.

You Are Doing Better Than You Think!

You are a good parent! You are doing exactly what you should be doing as a parent.

The world tells us that we should do parenting one “right” way. You get to parent your own way.

You are on your own hero’s journey.

Grow into being the parent of your dreams.

Join our Herd!

Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.

You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.

Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?

Join now while the doors are open.

https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent

Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?

Join now while the doors are open.

https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen