Have You Ever Felt Attacked?
I’m guessing that at some point in your life, you’ve felt attacked by someone else.
Maybe you’ve felt physically attacked and physically threatened, maybe not.
But, I’m almost 100% sure that at some point in your life, you’ve been verbally attacked by someone’s criticism.
The problem is, most people don’t see how criticism and attacking are related.
And, NO ONE likes being attacked.
No one likes it when others try to change, fix, or control them.
Have You Ever Read a Book that Moved You?
This past month in the Firmly Founded Parent membership, we read the book, The Go-Giver Marriage, by John David Mann and Ana Gabriel Mann for our monthly book club.
It was fantastic!
I typically recommend that all parents read Leadership and Self-Deception, by the Arbinger Institute, which I still highly recommend, but I might recommend The Go-Giver Marriage first now.
As I read this book, it impacted me mentally with how I think about my relationships, and emotionally as I experienced the hope for continued growth in my relationship with my wife and my family.
I wanted to share one idea from the book with you today that really spoke to my soul.
Appreciation is a Secret Ingredient to Lasting Relationships.
In this book, they teach 5 secrets for a lasting marriage, which can easily be applied to your relationship with your teen.
One of the 5 secrets is to appreciate the other person, in the case of my coaching, this is often the teen, and to then tell them specifically what you love about them.
This is a powerful practice that will help you not only love and appreciate your teen but help you share that love and appreciation with them.
As I thought about this, I realized that my favorite people, the people that I love to be around, are people who appreciate me for who I am.
They are people who tell me that they love specific things about me.
Criticism is the Opposite of Appreciation.
With the power of appreciation comes the destructive power of its opposite, CRITICISM.
Criticism is super sneaky.
It pretends to be helpful, supportive, and even necessary.
But, to the person being criticized, it feels like being attacked.
When I think of the people that I least like to spend time with, they are often people who are extremely critical of themselves and others.
If you want a rock-solid relationship with your teen, increase your appreciation of your teen.
If you’re anything like me, you probably find yourself being overly critical of your teen from time to time.
Well, now’s the time to swap out the habit of criticism for the habit of APPRECIATION!
Want to Develop Appreciation with Your Teen?
Here are some tips to help you develop the habit of appreciation when it comes to your teen.
- Start the daily practice of noticing 10 things you appreciate about your teen.
- Set internal warning bells to go off when you are being critical.
- When you find yourself being critical, check-in and explore what’s going on with YOU.
- When you find yourself focusing on things you do not like, make it a practice to shift your attention to the things that you do like.
- Get creative. Find new and fun ways to show your teen your appreciation.
- Manage your mind. You are the thinker of your thoughts. You are where your attention is.
- If your attention is on all the things you don’t like about your teen, you are BEING critical.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I’m going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let’s create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, February 14th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.