#013 Connect with Your Teen Where They Are!

Sep 10, 2020

The BEST Place to Connect with Your Teen is Exaclty Where They Are!

“It might not be so much WHAT we say to our teenagers but HOW we say it to them that holds the key. Start treating them and communicating with them more like the young adults they are trying to become. Don’t take any of it personally.”
~ Louise Clarke 

What is Connection?

When I talk about connecting with your teen, I’m talking about YOU building YOUR relationship with them.

You CANNOT control how your teen feels about you! You can do everything “right,” only to have them hate and despise you. Connection is all about YOU controlling YOU and the things within YOUR control.

How do you feel about your teen?

How do you treat your teen, even when they are miserably difficult?

Why Is Connecting Where They Are SO IMPORTANT!?

When we try to change our teens, or we try to connect with them where we want them to be, we are trying to connect with someone who doesn’t even exist.

When we spend time wishing our teens was more respectful, more studious, more thoughtful, more kind, more clean, less lazy, less anxious, whatever . . .

. . . We’re try to connect with a different teen than the one that actually exists.

When we connect with our teen where they are, it shows them that they ARE good enough, that we love them no matter what, and that we are trying to understand.

4 Keys for a Rock Solid Relationship?

Access the FREE 15 minute Video Teen Relationship Tune-Up at:

BenPughCoaching.com/Teen-Relationship/

  1. Commit to Love
    • We all want to love our teens no matter what, but sometimes it’s harder than other times.
    • Commit to loving them, NO MATTER WHAT!
    • Let them know that you love them no matter what.
  2. Respect THEIR Process
    • Too many times we want our teens to go through the same process that we did.
    • Let them go through their own process.
    • Let them make their own mistakes.
    • Let them learn in their own way.
  3. Stop trying to control/fix them. 
    • When we try to control our teens, we push them away.
    • We often see them as full of problems.
    • When we control our teens, they don’t learn to think for themselves.
  4. Take 100% responsibility.
    • Only you can control YOU!
    • You can ONLY control you!
    • Don’t blame them for your relationship.
    • If you feel like you aren’t as connected to your teen as you would like to be, take full responsibility.

How to Connect With Your Teen, Right Exactly Where They Are!

We’re going to build on the relationship training that I referred to above. I recommend that you go watch the FREE 15 minute training. You can access it here: BenPughCoaching.com/Teen-Relationship/.

  1. Become interested in what they are interested in.
    • My teen and pre-teen LOVE Fortnite.
      • I try to play with them at least once a month.
    • My 13 year old loves football.
      • I help coach his little league team.
      • We watch football together.
  2. Learn how to listen
    • Often times our teens try to connect with us, and we forget to listen.
    • Often times they will tell us the same thing over, and over, and over.
    • Let them talk.
    • Listen to better understand:
      • where they are coming from,
      • how they think,
      • what’s important to them,
      • what’s going on in their lives.
  3. Give them a voice in decisions
    • Let them have a voice in family rules.
    • Let them voice their concerns.
    • Let them help come up with (+/-) consequences.
    • Follow their guidance.
  4. Get curious
    • A while ago my son told me that he wanted to drop out of school.
    • My instinct was to get upset and yell, “No!”
    • Instead, I got curious and questioned, “What would it take for me to be okay with him dropping out?”
    • I told him he could drop out, with some stipulations, but that I would do everything I could to support him.
    • We had a great couple of weeks trying to figure out how to make $50K as a teen (one of the stipulations).
    • He decided he wanted to stay in school.
  5. Drop shame, fear, and judgement around mistakes.
    • Share your mistakes with them.
    • Embrace their mistakes.
    • Help them see that it’s simply part of the process and specifically part of their process.
    • Trust in their resilience.
    • Trust that they CAN recover from ANYTHING and EVERYTHING!

This WILL Help You Connect with Them!

This will deepen your connection with your teen.

You will feel closer to them. You will understand them better. You will be confident in their ability to conquer life. You will spend less time worrying about them. You will spend less time fighting with them.

Try it!

Do you want to work with me 1-on-1?

I’d like to offer you a FREE discovery coaching session! On this call, we’ll work together to explore what your struggling with and ways that I might be able to help you through weekly coaching.

Click the link to schedule a FREE discovery coaching session today at BenPughCoaching.com/mini.

Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge

If you haven’t yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.

  • Join the FREE Facebook Group
    • Join other parents just like you and get the support that you’ve been looking for.
  • Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
    • These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
  • Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!

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